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Don't listen to that poster. He has a rep for giving the most terrible advice, and he has the messed up life to prove it.
Just be patient and the right people will come into your life. Relax and enjoy yourself, otherwise you seem to be giving off a desperate vibe. You also don't seem to have any female friends. Do you actually like and respect women, or just the idea of them? Women can tell this a mile off.
I have 2 sisters, 1 female friend and my friends girlfriends also like me quite a bit so I definitely do respect women (especially if they are intelligent)
I have 2 sisters, 1 female friend and my friends girlfriends also like me quite a bit so I definitely do respect women (especially if they are intelligent)
I don't understand. So do you put your female friends and sisters on the ***** pedastal too? If not, how are they any different from other women you encounter? Please explain.
Assuming the OP is one the level, which I'm not sure of, this is the reason he has never had a girlfriend:
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I've asked out 1 girl in the last year and she turned me down (even though we had a very pleasant conversation, she said she was not looking to date right now).
...........if you never ask anyone out, I'd say it's likely that you won't have a girlfriend........
I have 2 sisters, 1 female friend and my friends girlfriends also like me quite a bit so I definitely do respect women (especially if they are intelligent)
My friend. You're going to have to spend the next few months/years conquering that anxiety. I recommend you continue to try online dating. Failing is only a learning experience. I understand your childhood, but you are a young man now (my age, actually). It's time to man up, and start consciously letting go of your insecurities. I find that I tend to attract women when I'm not even looking.
You're better looking and make more money than I do. Just conquer your anxiety and fear of being judged. That's your main issue, and it will take work, but in a few years you'll look back and appreciate the fact that you overcame your own inhibitions (just as you overcame your weight issue). Keep your head up.
i can empathize with the OP on this one(to some degree). i am 23, but i've had a girlfriend before. the last time was when i was 19 though. self-esteem and fear of rejection are a big factor. people say "get over it". well, it's not always that easy. ever since i moved here four years ago, i have been single. i always make up excuses, such as i don't have the time, money, or patience to invest in a relationship. at the same time, biology and peer pressure dictate that you need a girlfriend. moving here was a very traumatic experience, was homeless at one time. when i wasn't homeless, i fell into a deep depression, mounting credit card debt, and was largely broke. i was on the borderline of having a drinking problem too. some people have the sufficient amount of friends, role models, and family members to coach them into finding a mate. others(me) are not so lucky. some people can pretend that events of the past don't have an effect on someone's ability to cope with rejection or other issues, but the scars remain.
what i don't understand is that you have a good paying job, are in decent shape, and are fairly good looking. it would be relatively easy for you to find a woman. ive been working out for the last couple months, so my self-esteem is marginally higher. i am only average looking(my lousy teeth take away from my looks), and i don't have decent jobs/income. you're already way ahead of me. so get your ***** out there and start looking for a woman. there are men out there that are not as fortunate as you. there is no reason why you should be having self-esteem issues right now. you took the necessary steps to get yourself out of your funk. now that you're out of it, stop being shy. you have no reason to be shy. i have more of a reason, but i plan to do something about it soon. online dating seems to be my only option for now. the bar scene sucks when you are trying to meet women.
You are only 23 and haven't even lived a quarter of your life yet (assuming you'll live to 100). Trust me, it may feel like it now, but it's not the end of the world that you do not have someone or that you never had a girlfriend. I'm female and from a culture that was expected to marry early - most of the gals I knew were married by 20 already. I felt like an outcast because I wasn't married yet by your age. Well, I'm in my mid 30's now, was married at 24, and divorced. My ex was abusive, but when I look back, it was my fault too. I settled when I shouldn't have. I wasn't in love, but just wanted to be married so I wouldn't be the only one who wasn't married. I tried and gave my all in my marriage, but when I look back on my life, I wished I haven't put so much emphasis on finding "the one"; that, finding a job and college was all I thought about. I wish I would've traveled more, volunteered more, do the things that I loved more all before I was 30 or married.
Some have already said it, but find yourself first and love yourself first before anything. People, in general, like those who are confident. Not cocky or arrogant, but those who respect themselves and can be humble at the same time.
I saw an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker (?) on Bravo, and I could see why some of those guys on that show are still single. They were decent looking and millionaires, but had no personality whatsoever. Not only that, but just because they think they had the looks and money, they thought it would be easy to get a girl. Needless to say, I was turned off by their personalities and character.
Last edited by onedirection; 10-22-2012 at 01:33 PM..
Reason: /
i can empathize with the OP on this one(to some degree). i am 23, but i've had a girlfriend before. the last time was when i was 19 though. self-esteem and fear of rejection are a big factor. people say "get over it". well, it's not always that easy. ever since i moved here four years ago, i have been single. i always make up excuses, such as i don't have the time, money, or patience to invest in a relationship. at the same time, biology and peer pressure dictate that you need a girlfriend. moving here was a very traumatic experience, was homeless at one time. when i wasn't homeless, i fell into a deep depression, mounting credit card debt, and was largely broke. i was on the borderline of having a drinking problem too. some people have the sufficient amount of friends, role models, and family members to coach them into finding a mate. others(me) are not so lucky. some people can pretend that events of the past don't have an effect on someone's ability to cope with rejection or other issues, but the scars remain.
what i don't understand is that you have a good paying job, are in decent shape, and are fairly good looking. it would be relatively easy for you to find a woman. ive been working out for the last couple months, so my self-esteem is marginally higher. i am only average looking(my lousy teeth take away from my looks), and i don't have decent jobs/income. you're already way ahead of me. so get your ***** out there and start looking for a woman. there are men out there that are not as fortunate as you. there is no reason why you should be having self-esteem issues right now. you took the necessary steps to get yourself out of your funk. now that you're out of it, stop being shy. you have no reason to be shy. i have more of a reason, but i plan to do something about it soon. online dating seems to be my only option for now. the bar scene sucks when you are trying to meet women.
The other issue is the only decent way to meet women is through friends and my friends don't seem to know many single girls. Outside of that, everything else is incredibly awkward with a million obstacles
Sigh, sometimes I just wish I was gay. I get so much attention from gay men without even doing anything. I wish I could even get a fraction of the same response from women
Dude believe me, i dont know where u live but there are so many people in ur exact same situation. The one BIG problem with u is negative thinking, until u change that ur attitude will always be crappy. U need to think positive. Stop worrying about what people think of u and how u dont have a girlfriend, once u get a girlfriend do u think anyone will really care that that was ur first? Believe me, i cant believe the crap i was worried about 5-10 years ago. None of it matters anymore.
I don't understand. So do you put your female friends and sisters on the ***** pedastal too? If not, how are they any different from other women you encounter? Please explain.
I don't know, I guess I feel that my sisters and friends are safe because I know them. Random women I feel like they would judge me to be vastly inferior
It also doesn't help that I've read so much stuff on the net from frustrated men who made dating seem like an impossibly difficult process. I think I've internalized a lot of that
I don't know, I guess I feel that my sisters and friends are safe because I know them. Random women I feel like they would judge me to be vastly inferior
Ah, now that is important. Shows you have a problem only in your perception of women-- rather than with women themselves. You can change that by consciously putting more women in your life. Not for purposes of dating, but to make yourself comfortable and natural around women, whether or not you are attracted to them.
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It also doesn't help that I've read so much stuff on the net from frustrated men who made dating seem like an impossibly difficult process. I think I've internalized a lot of that
Yeah, I think this is an underreported but sad side effect of the PUA and male social anxiety cultures that the Internet illuminates so well. Stop reading the whiners. You are winning.
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