My childhood best friend asked me to be his mistress (marriages, men)
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If she wasn't okay with it, then why didn't she ask for divorce? Divorce was acceptable in the 80s, right? It would never cross my father's mind to ask for divorce, though. I don't bring up the issue because it would very embarrassing for both of us. We both know my father is spreading butter on both sides of the toast.
My brother has to keep his affairs a secret of course, at least for now while his sons are still small.
My sister's husband has mistresses. It's been going on for years and even though she doesn't say anything about it to him, trust me, all is not well on the homefront. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If it's so acceptable then why would the two of you be embarrassed to talk about what is already known? Not saying ask for specifics about dad's escapades just hey mom how do you feel about dad's dating life? That should suffice.
Just because everyone knows, it doesn't mean it would be less embarassing to talk about it. I don't mess with my parents personal life, it's their business.
My sister's husband has mistresses. It's been going on for years and even though she doesn't say anything about it to him, trust me, all is not well on the homefront. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's 2012. Aren't women the all powerful and independent beings these days? Why doesn't she divorce?
I won't ask her such a personal thing. I wouldn't feel comfortable. She might have stayed because my father earned loads of money, because she didn't want to leave with 2 young children, because she got used to living with him...it might have been several reasons.
You mean it wouldn't seem like a respectful thing to ask her? Why not? I mean, you are a man and you are going to get married one day, right? Is it disrespectful to ask your mom questions about marriage and the dynamics of it, and what makes a woman happy or sad - and if it's preferable for you to be faithful to your wife, or have mistresses on the side?
I think it's disrespectful to assume that she was OK with it. I didn't say that some women don't HAVE to stay, or don't make a decision about the lesser of evils - but you said specifically that she was OK with it - which implies that it wasn't hurtful to her for your dad to be unfaithful.
Sounds to me like men in your family expect their wives to keep quiet and just put up with it. This is not "being OK with it."
You mean it wouldn't seem like a respectful thing to ask her? Why not? I mean, you are a man and you are going to get married one day, right? Is it disrespectful to ask your mom questions about marriage and the dynamics of it, and what makes a woman happy or sad - and if it's preferable for you to be faithful to your wife, or have mistresses on the side?
I think it's disrespectful to assume that she was OK with it. I didn't say that some women don't HAVE to stay, or don't make a decision about the lesser of evils - but you said specifically that she was OK with it - which implies that it wasn't hurtful to her for your dad to be unfaithful.
I was going to respond but you said it already. Thank you.
You are pushing this lifestyle as ideal yet you don't even know how your mom really feels. You just assume that because they are still together that all is well. My parents have been married 40+ years and they can barely stand each other. Life is too short to be unhappy but folks allow themselves to stay in misery for a variety of reasons.
You mean it wouldn't seem like a respectful thing to ask her? Why not? I mean, you are a man and you are going to get married one day, right? Is it disrespectful to ask your mom questions about marriage and the dynamics of it, and what makes a woman happy or sad - and if it's preferable for you to be faithful to your wife, or have mistresses on the side?
I think it's disrespectful to assume that she was OK with it. I didn't say that some women don't HAVE to stay, or don't make a decision about the lesser of evils - but you said specifically that she was OK with it - which implies that it wasn't hurtful to her for your dad to be unfaithful.
Sounds to me like men in your family expect their wives to keep quiet and just put up with it. This is not "being OK with it."
No, I hopefully won't get married. I would go to a mental hospital if that ever crossed my mind. So, I don't care about the dynamics of marriage.
I assume she's OK with it because she could have left by now if she wanted. There are no children in the house anymore. If it's hurtful to her, well, she seems to enjoy being hurt then.
Men in my family don't expect anything. In the case of my father and grandfather, things were a bit different in their generations and my brother is doing it in secret.
No, I hopefully won't get married. I would go to a mental hospital if that ever crossed my mind. So, I don't care about the dynamics of marriage.
I assume she's OK with it because she could have left by now if she wanted. There are no children in the house anymore. If it's hurtful to her, well, she seems to enjoy being hurt then.
Men in my family don't expect anything. In the case of my father and grandfather, things were a bit different in their generations and my brother is doing it in secret.
OK, so you're not bold enough to have an honest conversation with the women in your family about how they really feel about this. Interesting. Perhaps you're right - you shouldn't get married.
Do the men in your family expect their wives to be monogamous, or is it acceptable for them to have lovers on the side as well, as long as they're discreet?
OK, so you're not bold enough to have an honest conversation with the women in your family about how they really feel about this. Interesting. Perhaps you're right - you shouldn't get married.
Do the men in your family expect their wives to be monogamous, or is it acceptable for them to have lovers on the side as well, as long as they're discreet?
The reasons that make me not want to get married have nothing to do with this. But you're right, I shouldn't get married, my life is too good to be screwed.
I suppose they expect them to be monogamous but there's no way I would know that. I have no indication my grandmother, my mother or my SIL have ever been with anyone else because they're simply too dedicated to the house and the children. Speaking for mother at least, if it wasn't for her, there would be no one to raise us. My father just filled the bank account and probably slept with her a few times to get her pregnant, as tradition demanded.
The women in my life are generally very religious, I don't know if that matters.
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