"Focus on your life/career" = Good or Bad Advice For Men? (dating, girlfriends)
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I see a lot of people suggesting to struggling young men to "focus on getting your life/career together before you worry about dating"
is this really good advice? I am asking because I've basically let my work become my whole life over the last 6 months or so. The end result is that my job is going great but I'm stuck in the first gear in my dating life and can't get started. It's to the point now where I don't even care anymore, I don't try anymore and my mom has begun to wonder if I'm gay or not. I have to explain to her all the time that I'm not gay, I just can't get a girlfriend...it happens
What do you guys think? Is it not a complete fallacy that being more successful will automatically result to more success with the ladies? I think success has very little to do with dating. Hell I don't even think looking good or being in shape has anything to do with dating
Focus on your career or life is always good advice, as long as you do so to further yourself and not in order to "get the ladies". See, women dont really care about your career, your position or about how much money you make. They do however find behavior that succesful men display, attractive. Society has formed these dynamics in such way, that allow our civilization to be driven forward and as long as men believe that they have to be accomplished in order to get the women, the progress is taking place. However, in todays world, you dont really have to achieve anything in order to get the ladies. All you need to do is display the behavior that is attractive to women.
Focus on your career or life is always good advice, as long as you do so to further yourself and not in order to "get the ladies". See, women dont really care about your career, your position or about how much money you make. They do however find behavior that succesful men display, attractive. Society has formed these dynamics in such way, that allow our civilization to be driven forward and as long as men believe that they have to be accomplished in order to get the women, the progress is taking place. However, in todays world, you dont really have to achieve anything in order to get the ladies. All you need to do is display the behavior that is attractive to women.
The problem with most of this is, your basically saying that all successful men exude confidence and or have great game that attracts women. That's not always true, alot of these guys especially the nerds are socially awkward and aren't really great at talking with people especially women. Their tons of celebrities like this as well. But their success, money, and in some cases fame overrides this and allows them to succeed with women.
You really think the reason Hugh Hefner has slept with god knows how many women over the decades is because the way he acts? FOH Lol, it's because he's rich and famous, nothing more nothing less.
I got a friend of mine who has admittingly been with over a 100 women (I've seen him go through 4 girlfriends just in the last 7 months alone). He has tried to help me out but to no avail, I'm a lost cause. I'm a female repellant
I do think a really unwavering focus on my career has REALLY hurt me in the dating world. During the infancy of my career, I pretty much worked 80 hour work weeks trying to prove myself, and if I wasn't working, I was either studying new stuff, and trying to be relevant in the work force. When you take the time to focus on your career there are sacrifices you have to make. I believe my ability to relate to women has suffered because for years most problems I dealt with were simple and career oriented. Now that I have a very established career, I'm finding it hard to work backwards at times. However I haven't heavily dated professional women, but I think that's the route I may end up going.
I got a friend of mine who has admittingly been with over a 100 women (I've seen him go through 4 girlfriends just in the last 7 months alone). He has tried to help me out but to no avail, I'm a lost cause. I'm a female repellant
Players don't necessarily make good wingmen. I was a wingman for a depressed loner once, took him to Dave and Busters, and found him his first long term girlfriend.
I am not a player though. I don't go to bars or clubs and have to find women the hardway.
just like everything else, balance is key. yes, you want to focus on your life/career but if you're the kind of person that really needs companionship and intimacy (some people are perfectly fine without these for long periods of time), then you'll have to focus on getting some women in your life.
this might mean cutting back on your hours so you can spend more time socializing and such.
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