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I agree with most of the posters who say it it is time to leave her alone. If you continue to try to contact her and re-kindle things it could very well drive her more away and ruin any change of a friendship that may be able to re-form later on in life. I would not let this one person define you as a person.
Also, I need to add that some of you CD posters were too harsh.
Haven't you ever gone through a break up? Don't you know how hard it is? How sappy you feel? How you ruminate over and over and over and over about your ex? Don't you remember the tears, the lack of appetite, lack of motivation, the pain, the darkness, the devastation? These are NORMAL reactions to a breakup.
Have some compassion. I know this forum is full of Know-it-alls and Perfect people but have some pity on someone who took the time to share his story about a break up. He's already feeling down. Being kicked around would not help.
Hardly believe I know everything or perfect, but have acquired enough knowledge as well as first hand experience and perception to identify what is beyond normal in the given situation.
Not saying what he's experiencing isn't real to him. I'm well aware how sharing a few defects of character and a broken heart manipulate and evoke compassionate, sympathetic responses.
Could have roots in his history and family life or simply can't tolerate the word, "No".
Djuna, just out of interest, is it because you're a proud feminist that you blindly and automatically take "her side" because I happen to be a outspoken and proud man?
Your speculation is based on nothing. "She obviously doesn't want contact with OP". Actually she got upset at me that I told her we couldn't keep in touch after we broke up and couldn't be friends. So how exactly would that portray in her not wanting any contact?
I don't understand your question. what has me being a feminist got to do with your self absorption, your addiction issues, your manipulating and controlling attitude or your lack of ability to get your shyte together?
"She obviously doesn't want contact with OP". Actually she got upset at me that I told her we couldn't keep in touch after we broke up and couldn't be friends. So how exactly would that portray in her not wanting any contact?
This question wasn't addressed directly to me, but I'll add my thoughts....
In other words...you can't have a relationship, so friendships not an option??
I see it as manipulation and control on your part, not an effort for self protection. You see, it wasn't a step toward closure, or at best a half hearted effort continuing the obsession with the relationship and what has passed..
And she may have suggested friendship via FB with the comfort of distance.
Lol. "Friendship via FB" is the biggest oxymoron I've heard in ages.
Yeah, I'm sure we can happily share the superficiality which is Facebook and act like only good things ever happen to us.
I plan on never speaking to her again. Maybe in a few years when I've forgotten about her and have been in a new, stable relationship. At this point it only evokes negative feelings just to think about the whole situation.
At the end of the day, I honestly believe she'll never find anyone who will treat her like I did.
A lot of self torture. Not to offend you, its obvious you have problems with addiction. That's where you start to reclaim your life.
Yes...The truth. You also have emotional problems...You like the challenge, than torture yourself and your partner w/ your own insecurities. It's like you go from normal, to dependent as soon as there is sexual involvement. You get your self confidence from outside sources it seems. You need to understand why, and change that. You should be able to be your own best friend....aspire to understand You..or you'll never understand someone else and You as a couple. Better get some counseling and figure You out....or this pattern in your relationships will repeat forever.
Last edited by JanND; 01-01-2013 at 08:09 AM..
Reason: edit text
Lol. "Friendship via FB" is the biggest oxymoron I've heard in ages.
Yeah, I'm sure we can happily share the superficiality which is Facebook and act like only good things ever happen to us.
I plan on never speaking to her again. Maybe in a few years when I've forgotten about her and have been in a new, stable relationship. At this point it only evokes negative feelings just to think about the whole situation.
At the end of the day, I honestly believe she'll never find anyone who will treat her like I did.
I plan on never speaking to her again. Maybe in a few years when I've forgotten about her and have been in a new, stable relationship. At this point it only evokes negative feelings just to think about the whole situation.
At the end of the day, I honestly believe she'll never find anyone who will treat her like I did.
No contact is the best choice, however, a few years are too may to waste on the delusion you were the best thing in her life,
but typically the response one can expect to hear with the given issues.
How is "quit the weed" an insightful and well thought through piece of advice? Really? I was hoping someone could see connections between my own faulty personality / views and the things that went wrong between me and her.
It never occurred to you that maybe what I'm dealing with runs a lot deeper than a basic case of heartbreak?
Someone intelligent might conclude that the reason we ended up so bad in the end is because our relationship was founded by the fact that I slept with somebody else and was based on a dysfunctional basis from the start. But what do I know? I'm just a dumb child who got dumped and got his ego hurt.
Apologies for wasting your time.
Hey,
You will always get crap comments that don't help, some people are bitter and some are just heartless and cold and have the attitude "**** happens move on"
Some people have that "someone" no matter what happens they'll always have a place in their hearts for them. I'm 25 and I've got that "someone" we were on and off for 7 years I went through a rough patch when we broke up after 5 years its safe to say I was devastated I couldn't eat I cried all the time I thought about him constantly. I couldn't understand why it had gone from great to **** I over analysed it until my head hurt, worst of all he was dating after a week!!!! I couldn't even think about another guy and here he was back to being Casanova. We got back together and it lasted again on and off for a further 2 years this time I walked away. My point is I was obsessed with him I loved him with all my heart I though I'd be with him forever I know how it feels. We're now best friends and I love him but I'm not I love with hi after 7years I realise that we're perfect for each other as friends and that's all, it gets easier day by day and I know that's probably not something you want to hear but it does and eventually you can look back and see how wrong you actually were for each other. I look back now thinking oh god I was hurting bad back then but I'm ok now and I know whenever I'm hurting again in the future I can look back and know that I got through a hard time once before so I can do it again and although it might not feel like it now i'll be ok again.
Some people can use the other sex as a distraction when getting over heartbreak personally I can't. I need to be completely over a past relationship before I can start entertaining the thought of dating again. Different people feel things more intense than others I'm one of they people maybe you are too or maybe it's the fact that you don't understand where it went wrong? I asked everything I needed to know at the time but I couldn't have moved past it without knowing.
My advice is try to do things to distract you as hard as it is, it will slowly but surely work. Go to speak to someone about how your feeling if you need too, cry if you need to but I believe we can only make ourselves heal with time. I do agree you should stop smoking and drinking as they're only gona make you feel like crap the next day. Sorry but it's true.
OP, I can assure you, I read every single word. I waded through the self aggrandizing statements, the melodramatic "insights" and the relentless unnecessary detail.
You're a more patient woman than I, Zen. I got everything I needed to know from the first and last sentence of each paragraph.
OP, that she's in med school is enough to end the relationship. Med students rarely have time for anything but their studies, and when they do socialize, it tends to be with other med students. Med school is all-consuming. That she's in med school across the globe from you doomed your relationship the moment she got on the plane.
As for the weed, you're self-medicating. Weed is known to make depression worse, so the advice others here have given you about stopping and perhaps seeking therapy is spot on.
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