Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Where does this generalization come into this specific situation?
It sounds to me like they have made plans and goals for their marriage that will take a certain amount of income. They have done so based on their present income. Now, she is proposing a drastic reduction to what she will be able to contribute towards those mutually shared goals.
He has every right to ask her to contribute what was expected in the first place.
I understand what you are trying to say - but life is full of change. Even if she wasn't trying to change professions, either one of them could be laid off, fired, demoted, etc. If a couple is right for each other - they can work through these things together. I agree with others that they need to realistically look at how this would change their lives and their expectations and see if it's something that they can live with - but asking her to contribute what was expected in the first place isn't always going to be possible - even if she wasn't changing professions.
In my experience when someone suddenly changes the parameters of a relationship then it all starts going downhill.
I personally think these major decisions should be discussed thoroughly and both people need to be in agreement. Money is one of those huge issues in almost every single relationship, if you are not both on the same page it's just a recipe for disaster and resentment.
The definitive word here is IF (men want to be head of the household). Many men today embrace marriage as a partnership and not as a male-dominated support relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
Where does this generalization come into this specific situation?
It sounds to me like they have made plans and goals for their marriage that will take a certain amount of income. They have done so based on their present income. Now, she is proposing a drastic reduction to what she will be able to contribute towards those mutually shared goals.
He has every right to ask her to contribute what was expected in the first place.
Sorry but it is the husband's job and responsibility to take care of his wife. If he can not afford to do so then he is attempting to live above their means and perhaps he should revise some of their plans.
I understand what you are trying to say - but life is full of change. Even if she wasn't trying to change professions, either one of them could be laid off, fired, demoted, etc.
Yes, but that's a hurdle to cross and isn't a choice.
Sorry but it is the husband's job and responsibility to take care of his wife. If he can not afford to do so then he is attempting to live above their means and perhaps he should revise some of their plans.
Oh, OK. I wasn't aware that this was a rule set in stone. Thanks for the clarification.
Yes, but that's a hurdle to cross and isn't a choice.
Yes - but saying that you have to contribute what you said you would makes it sound like circumstances don't matter - as if you have taken a loan out from a bank and are responsible for the payments come hell or high water.
If men want to be the head of the household then they should have no problem with shouldering the financial responsibility of taking care of the family.
Why is this even a question?
If he has a problem with the idea of supporting her then she should not marry him. He will obviously resent her sooner or later.
I don't recall him ever saying he wanted to be the head of the household. Frankly, I don't think I've heard that term outside of filing taxes or from some religious whack job.
Sorry but it is the husband's job and responsibility to take care of his wife. If he can not afford to do so then he is attempting to live above their means and perhaps he should revise some of their plans.
What is her responsibility? I thought todays women were independent?
I understand what you are trying to say - but life is full of change. Even if she wasn't trying to change professions, either one of them could be laid off, fired, demoted, etc. If a couple is right for each other - they can work through these things together. I agree with others that they need to realistically look at how this would change their lives and their expectations and see if it's something that they can live with - but asking her to contribute what was expected in the first place isn't always going to be possible - even if she wasn't changing professions.
Very true. Stuff happens in life and a couple must work through it.
I guess I am saying that for this specific situation. According to the OP, she is employed, not overly stressed, nor upset. Also sounds like her and her future husband have put together goals for their marriage. Now, with those expectations in place, she essentially wants to be able to stop contributing financially of her own free will, to chase a dream.
In it's own, there is nothing wrong with her chasing her dream either.
However, while engaged, it sounds like this is coming as somewhat of a surprise to the future husband. Although I am sure through love he would be supportive of her trying to change careers, he is also equally not pleased that the choice of career is apparently going to negatively impact the plans for their future marriage which I am presuming they already agreed upon.
So yes, I certainly agree that if events happen and one person or the other is no longer able to make the same contributions, he would be expected to adjust and be flexible and supportive. On the flip side, in this particular situation, I also feel he has a right to request she not take such a downgrade in pay, since it would be doing so of her own free will and not due to extenuating circumstances, does not appear necessary at this point, and would negatively impact their mutual family plans.
Sorry but it is the husband's job and responsibility to take care of his wife. If he can not afford to do so then he is attempting to live above their means and perhaps he should revise some of their plans.
Uh... ok
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Uh... ok
