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I’ve already written a couple posts about the guy I’m seeing... mainly because I’ve been hyper-analyzing and over-thinking his - and my - every move from the first date on...
On the upside, I’m finally feeling more secure about the way things are going with this guy. We’re going slowly, and the more I get to know this guy and spend time with him, the more I realize that my gut feeling about him was right all along - he’s just kind of shy and nerdy, and hasn’t had a girlfriend in a while.
Right now, we’re still seeing each other about once per week. Most often, it’s during the week, but I’ve seen him a couple times on the weekends since my last post. He’s always good about calling when he tells me he will, and we always have a great time when we’re together. The last couple dates, I felt like we’ve really “clicked” and that things are moving to the next-level, so to speak.
For example, last week Wednesday, we went out for dinner and the whole evening was fantastic. We both opened up to each other - talking, laughing, teasing, etc. without any awkward gaps in conversation. The next day, he left for a long-weekend trip, and wasn’t going to be back till this past Monday - which was my birthday. I didn’t expect to hear from him all week, and didn’t mention anything about my birthday to him. Monday night, I got home late from being out with friends, and was just falling asleep when I got a text message from him. “Wanted to wish you Happy Birthday! I just got home a few minutes ago, call you tomorrow.”
The next day, he called me at lunchtime and asked if he could take me out for a birthday drink after work. I know it was kind of short notice, but I had nothing going on that night, so I said sure. We met up after work, but there was a nasty snowstorm moving through Chicago at the time, and after a few minutes waiting for a train to come, we decided to just head to his place and order some carryout. We spent the evening eating Chinese, drinking wine, and watching “Jeopardy” reruns, testing each other’s smarts. It might sound cheesy, but I thought it was one of our best “dates” yet - because it felt like something a “couple” would do, and I felt completely comfortable around him.
At the end of the evening, I asked him if he was busy this coming weekend. He said he didn’t have any plans, except to visit some friends who just had a baby. I said, “Well, now you do! Plan on seeing me this weekend!” He was up for it, and now we’re having dinner this coming Saturday night. Finally, I felt comfortable enough to just flat-out ask him about making plans together.
So, long story short, I feel good about where we’re going, and I want to broach the subject of what he wants and what he’s looking for, relationship-wise, and find out if we’re really on the same level. Any advice you all can offer me on how to bring this up? I really, really, REALLY like this guy, so obviously, I’m nervous about this and don’t want to mess up a good thing... Thanks in advance!
Oh lord. You're at the same stage I'm at. See my post from like a week ago.
Given that marriage and shacking up really aren't stuff on the table for me and the guy I'm seeing, I've decided to hold off and see where things go for a while unless he brings it up. We're having fun. We enjoy each other's company and find each other attractive and desirable. It's enough for now.
My roommate and I were just joking the other day about how we've become a lot happier now that we've lowered our expectations for life.
From your post, it sounds like you haven't even done the dirty yet. If that is the case, I wouldn't even broach the relationship topic at this point. Just keep getting to know each other, enjoying each other's company, and working your way around the bases.
Once you make it back to home plate, assuming you're "compatible" where it matters (bedroom), then maybe talking about defining the relationship. Even at that point, I hate having that conversation and so do most other dudes so he probably isn't going to complain if you skip it.
But if a chick tried to have "the talk" with me when we were still only on first or second base, I would run for the hills.
I brought up marriage to my husband in our less than 2 months of dating.... voila! He said it's better we part ways... LOL. Fast forward to 4 days ding dong he sent me an email offering marriage... we decided to move in together and same week we're married. BAM!
But of course it's a case to case basis. You can read my thread OP and learn... or not. LOL.
All I can say is.. we're sooo happy together and just passed our 1st month wedding anniversary and hopefully decades more til the end of time.
Say nothing. It is way too soon to have "The Talk" and frankly most of the time when you have to have it, it means the guy isn't all that interested in a relationship with you. Just keep taking it slowly and enjoy yourself.
It seems like you are thinking about him too much. I don't get the sense that you are very secure with him. Dating, even if you are having sex, is just dating, having fun, not putting all your eggs in one basket. And first and foremost, is this guy gonna be your friend, support you in what's good for you, as you would for him. If not, find one who will, it's not worth it.
From your post, it sounds like you haven't even done the dirty yet. If that is the case, I wouldn't even broach the relationship topic at this point. Just keep getting to know each other, enjoying each other's company, and working your way around the bases.
Once you make it back to home plate, assuming you're "compatible" where it matters (bedroom), then maybe talking about defining the relationship. Even at that point, I hate having that conversation and so do most other dudes so he probably isn't going to complain if you skip it.
But if a chick tried to have "the talk" with me when we were still only on first or second base, I would run for the hills.
Oh, we've done the dirty ...
In my first thread/post about this guy, I owned up to going home with him on the first date. It's not something I make a habit of doing, but I was super-attracted to him, and vice versa. I was super freaked out that it would lead to nothing, or just turn into a "booty call" / FWB type relationship. Fortunately, that hasn't been the case... Except for this past Tuesday, when we holed up at his place with Chinese takeout because of the snowstorm, we alway make a point of going on actual dates - i.e. going somewhere to have dinner or at least drinks.
For what it's worth, we have fantastic physical chemistry, and we've both admitted that we're each other's personal "bests" when it comes to sex. If anything, we're trying to take it slowly in every other way, since we kind of rushed into sleeping together.
In my first thread/post about this guy, I owned up to going home with him on the first date. It's not something I make a habit of doing, but I was super-attracted to him, and vice versa. I was super freaked out that it would lead to nothing, or just turn into a "booty call" / FWB type relationship. Fortunately, that hasn't been the case... Except for this past Tuesday, when we holed up at his place with Chinese takeout because of the snowstorm, we alway make a point of going on actual dates - i.e. going somewhere to have dinner or at least drinks.
For what it's worth, we have fantastic physical chemistry, and we've both admitted that we're each other's personal "bests" when it comes to sex. If anything, we're trying to take it slowly in every other way, since we kind of rushed into sleeping together.
My mistake! Everything sounded so innocent in this thread opener. Nothing wrong with spreadin' em early if the dude is an upper echelon type like me.
I still think you should hold off on a formal conversation about where the relationship stands. It just isn't necessary, and like I said in my last post, dudes HATE it.
Things sound like they are going extremely well. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
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