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I have kind of a strange situation. I'm not too bad looking, have my life together, have good social skills and can talk to people and yet I have a lot of troubles dating. I got 2 issues. Issue #1 is that I struggle to do a cold approach (I have approach anxiety) and I don't meet a lot of single women near my age through my social circle. I can talk to people all day long but approaching strange women is just very difficult for me. My 2nd problem is that I'm just very pessimistic - any sort of dating failure can be extremely discouraging to me and I just have very little faith in my ability to meet somebody.
Last Saturday, I met a girl my age who was seemingly perfect for me, who had a very similar personality and who I had a fantastic time with but that ended up turning into nothing as she ignored me when I asked her out. This was just very discouraging. I gave it my absolute best and felt as good/as confident as I've ever felt and still got rejected
How can I go about turning this around? I would really love to meet somebody. I realize that I need to talk to a lot of women in order to even get a date (much less have somebody who is interested in dating me) but I know I'm not going to succeed with my current attitude. I have built up the process of meeting somebody in my mind to be just this impossibly difficult challenge. How can I change that?
I asked her if she wants to go out sometime, she said yes, she responded to my text messages with plenty of interest and enthusiasm (no 1 line answers or anything). Then I asked her if she is free this weekend - she said she is not because she has work functions. I said "okay, what day works for you" (I thought she would say either Thursday/Sunday or maybe next week) and she has not responded to me now in 4 days. She wasn't really interested
The whole thing just kind of confirmed my worst fears about dating. I had the best interaction I've ever had with a woman over a 2 hour period where we had a ton of things in common, got to really know each other, had so much fun and I still got rejected/flaked on.
I asked her if she wants to go out sometime, she said yes, she responded to my text messages with plenty of interest and enthusiasm (no 1 line answers or anything). Then I asked her if she is free this weekend - she said she is not because she has work functions. I said "okay, what day works for you" (I thought she would say either Thursday/Sunday or maybe next week) and she has not responded to me now in 4 days. She wasn't really interested
The whole thing just kind of confirmed my worst fears about dating. I had the best interaction I've ever had with a woman over a 2 hour period where we had a ton of things in common, got to really know each other, had so much fun and I still got rejected/flaked on.
I think this may have been your mistake. Do you want to date her or not? Don't surrender the initiative. By putting the ball in her court, you've lost control. I understand that you are trying to be polite and all. But it isn't necessarily the best way to get a girl to date you. Try this: next time you ask a girl out and she can't go, suggest an alternative night. She'll either accept or she'll continue to make excuses to not go. Either way, you've either scored a date or you know to move on.
I asked her if she wants to go out sometime, she said yes, she responded to my text messages with plenty of interest and enthusiasm (no 1 line answers or anything). Then I asked her if she is free this weekend - she said she is not because she has work functions. I said "okay, what day works for you" (I thought she would say either Thursday/Sunday or maybe next week) and she has not responded to me now in 4 days. She wasn't really interested
The whole thing just kind of confirmed my worst fears about dating. I had the best interaction I've ever had with a woman over a 2 hour period where we had a ton of things in common, got to really know each other, had so much fun and I still got rejected/flaked on.
I hear ya. I understand that. Its so great, wonderful, you feel you click, but in the end she doesn't agree. I suggest to keep on keeping on. You'll find the right person.
I will just for the hell of it but it won't matter. How interested could she be if she won't even return a message?
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll
I think this may have been your mistake. Do you want to date her or not? Don't surrender the initiative. By putting the ball in her court, you've lost control. I understand that you are trying to be polite and all. But it isn't necessarily the best way to get a girl to date you. Try this: next time you ask a girl out and she can't go, suggest an alternative night. She'll either accept or she'll continue to make excuses to not go. Either way, you've either scored a date or you know to move on.
Meh, I don't buy it. All that question did was try to figure out what days work for her and then to see if that day would work for me.
I don't understand this obsession from the online male dating community that you always have to be in control and initiate everything 24/7. Nobody in real life does things that way. Majority of my friends had it 50/50 in terms of initiating things even in the very early stages of dating
I hear ya. I understand that. Its so great, wonderful, you feel you click, but in the end she doesn't agree. I suggest to keep on keeping on. You'll find the right person.
Well it wouldn't have been a big deal if she just turned me down right from the beginning but to seemingly like me that much, tell me I'm a great guy, keep returning all my messages with enthusiasm and then just disappear, it's like WTF? How do you change your mind in a second like that
I will just for the hell of it but it won't matter. How interested could she be if she won't even return a message?
Meh, I don't buy it. All that question did was try to figure out what days work for her and then to see if that day would work for me.
I don't understand this obsession from the online male dating community that you always have to be in control and initiate everything 24/7. Nobody in real life does things that way. Majority of my friends had it 50/50 in terms of initiating things even in the very early stages of dating
You're exaggerating it. It's not that you have to be in control 24/7. But what would you rather do: Leave it to chance or her decision, or would you like to be able to continue to shape the situation so you have a shot at meeting someone on a more personal level? That's all I'm saying.
You're exaggerating it. It's not that you have to be in control 24/7. But what would you rather do: Leave it to chance or her decision, or would you like to be able to continue to shape the situation so you have a shot at meeting someone on a more personal level? That's all I'm saying.
If she really liked me, she would have said "I'm busy this weekend, but I'll be free middle of next week or maybe friday" and I would have said "friday sounds good"
The online male dating community makes such a huge deal out of little details like this. In reality, it makes no difference. If she likes you, everything works. If she doesn't like you, nothing works
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