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My thing, if its even a possibility he should let me go. For me its like saying you might cheat on me in a couple years, but you want to wait it out until you decide if you're going to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok
Nope.
By her own words according to you
It's on him to break up with her if she isn't fulfilling all of his relationship needs (a family). She has the ability to control her own reproduction. Her relationship needs are met.
Now, if he gets whiny and complainy about wanting kids, then she should break up with him because he's being whiny and complainy.
She says it right there. I'm certainly not putting words in her mouth.
So, if he doesn't know and doesn't break up...... she should stay even though she feels he should break up with her because he is unsure of kids?
Sorry, that doesn't make much sense to me. It's very passive. "I'm unhappy so you should break up with me?"
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This question really shouldn't be so broad, because many people change their minds. When I was in college there was no doubt in my mind I wanted children, couldn't wait to settle down and have two kids, two sons of course. Got married and all my ex wife and I talked about was having children, as soon as we made enough money. Well the money came, but for some reason the kids didn't and I realized that as I got older kids were not for me, and I was past 30 when I came to this realization. Now many people go through their adult life determined to never get married or have kids, and focus on their career, then in their 40's deceide they want to have a family. So just like with any other decision, this one doesn't have to be set in tone. Depending on the circumstances in a person's life, what they want could change.
Exactly.
Who you are and what you want at 20 can change, sometimes drastically depending on many factors, by the time you are 30 or 40.
People should keep an open mind and remember that the person they fall in love with and choose to be with should be their priority.
I agree with those who say he probably does know, and that telling you he doesn't know is really just a way of keeping you around.
You'll have to decide if he's worth staying with when there is a very good possibility that in a few years, he'll tell you, "Well, I want a family, so nice knowing you."
On the plus side, if you do stick it out, and you get into your 30s and you still don't want kids, and you two break up, you'll be a hit with men in their 40s who don't have or want kids. A lot of the guys on here like to talk about women's "sell-by" date, but that bit of ridiculous generalization doesn't apply to the kid-free. I know this first-hand.
Who you are and what you want at 20 can change, sometimes drastically depending on many factors, by the time you are 30 or 40.
People should keep an open mind and remember that the person they fall in love with and choose to be with should be their priority.
Very true. But I think that becomes very complicated when one partner is adamant about children, either for or against.
If one partner wanted children, and the other changed his mind about having them, I would feel the first partner got cheated by a broken agreement.
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She says it right there. I'm certainly not putting words in her mouth.
So, if he doesn't know and doesn't break up...... she should stay even though she feels he should break up with her because he is unsure of kids?
Sorry, that doesn't make much sense to me. It's very passive. "I'm unhappy so you should break up with me?"
What?
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185
he should let me go
He should let her go.
Not:
"I should let him go"
She says, that he should break up with her if he isn't sure that he wants kids.
Which makes sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Sorry, that doesn't make much sense to me. It's very passive. "I'm unhappy so you should break up with me?"
I agree. That doesn't make sense.
But that's what YOU are saying
That if he wants kids, he'll be unhappy with her, so she should break up with him.
What?
Findly,
You're in charge of your own life. You have to decide if you want to wait around, because he clearly told you where he stands at the moment. It doesn't matter whether he should know or not if he wants kids. He probably does but because you don't, he won't say. At the end of the day, you have to make a decision for you.
He's the one with the deal breaker.
If he wants kids he should leave.
He can't make her have kids.
She can make him not have kids (with her).
I recommend polygamy (if the OP is open to the idea of sharing).
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