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I know you don't want children and you don't want marriage - what is your ultimate goal - if you have one? Do you want someone that you live with for the rest of your life? Are you looking for just casual relationships? Because if you aren't looking for a lifetime partner - perhaps it doesn't matter if he changes his mind. From your posts, it seems to me like you want to keep things casual. If that is the case - then maybe if this one doesn't work out, you can move on to the next person. I'd say that if you were the one that wanted children - things would be more critical as you would be working with your biological clock (although I never heard mine at all).
I am looking for someone to live with for the rest of my life. I am also of the mindset that I may not be wired to be with one person forever-which is why I don't want to get married. I have been with this person for over 3 years and do feel differently about him than any of my previous relationships. I want to see where it goes, but cant do that if we have different goals.
If people were sheep or robots, you would have a shot at answering the OP question. As we are all unique individuals, there is no single answer to this type of question.
I liked ohio_peasants suggestion. I asked him to make a list of the pros and cons and he agreed. Then asked me to make one too, I agreed but told him I wouldn't have any pros. Guess we'll see how this goes.
I am not asking at what age should a man start getting married and having kids, I am asking at what age he should at least know if this is in his game plan or not?
Been arguing with my bf over this since he will be turning 30 this year. I think he should know whether or not those are things he wants by now. He tells me he should know for sure in a couple of years. I don't think that's fair to keep me around considering those things are deal breakers for me if he decides he wants them-I can't give them to him. He's known this from the start (over 3 years ago).
I don't want a family or marriage, those are deal breakers for me. I don't want him to change his mind and want those things when I cant give them to him.
Opinions?
So leave him and find someone who does not need "a couple more years" to figure this out. There is no blanket age for anyone to know what they want, it is different for everyone. Some decide early in life and others later in life or not at all. If you are fighting over it and things have yet to change you are with the wrong man and have different goals in your relationship and life in general. Also, no matter what YOU want it is his choice and there is nothing you can do about it so get over trying to make his decisions for him. Sometimes it isn't ALL ABOUT YOU.
I liked ohio_peasants suggestion. I asked him to make a list of the pros and cons and he agreed. Then asked me to make one too, I agreed but told him I wouldn't have any pros. Guess we'll see how this goes.
Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Come on more energy.
So leave him and find someone who does not need "a couple more years" to figure this out. There is no blanket age for anyone to know what they want, it is different for everyone. Some decide early in life and others later in life or not at all. If you are fighting over it and things have yet to change you are with the wrong man and have different goals in your relationship and life in general. Also, no matter what YOU want it is his choice and there is nothing you can do about it so get over trying to make his decisions for him. Sometimes it isn't ALL ABOUT YOU.
I am not trying to make a decision for him. All I want to know is if he sincerely thinks its a possibility, since one week he thinks one thing and the next he thinks another. If I was making it ALL ABOUT ME I wouldn't have told him I wouldn't be with him if he wanted marriage and kids-because I didn't want him to be resentful or not have that opportunity.
How old are you findly? Youre going to hate me for saying it, but almost every woman I have ever known who thought she didnt want children, started considering it once they hit their mid thirties, when their biological clock started clicking louder. It doesnt mean you will, and thats perfectly fine, but I think you should consider a fact that many people do change their minds on this topic. Because of this, its sorta pointless to make it suh a huge deal at this time. SUre you want to be on the same page with your partner, but never say never.
I don't want a family or marriage, those are deal breakers for me. I don't want him to change his mind and want those things when I cant give them to him.
Opinions?
IMO, this isn't an issue whatsoever. If he changes his mind later, what does it matter? Men don't have the same biological clock ticking away like women, who should probably have children by 35 or risk infertility or other problems. Since you don't care about having children, it's not YOUR clock ticking, and he knows your views on this. Unless you want a LTR commitment from him without marriage, and fear he will eventually leave due to his changing view on marriage and children, what's the problem?
Unless you want a LTR commitment from him without marriage, and fear he will eventually leave due to his changing view on marriage and children, what's the problem?
I am in a LTR with him currently. He wants to buy a house together next year and I want to live with him. I dont want to do all that and then find out he wants things from me I refuse to give him and he leaves me. I think he should decide before we move in together.
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