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Can you clarify what you mean by "make it official?"
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OP - perhaps you should've been more vocal about what your expectations were much earlier, then if he didn't like what you wanted it would've been easy to move on.
Otherwise it sounds like playing that old board game called LIFE that all of a sudden want the marriage, house, kids, etc....... like a almost instant microwave meal.
Do it the NJ way by elaborating to him your wants and expectations straightly, directly and bluntly in a kind way and that you need to know NOW and if he balks you got your answer.
So he is still possibly sleeping with other women and you have been seeing him for 7 months. You need to run from him because you will never be able to get him to commit. No games will make him think you are going to leave so just get out while you can. Chalk it up bad type of dude for you.
I think when initially dating and getting a feel for someone else it is okay to refrain from using labels, initially.
However I also feel that after dating someone for 3-4 months consistently ( 2-3 times a week) chatting all the time, checking in everyday ect…meaning it is not one of those really casual dating deals where you hear from them randomly and see each other 1-2 times in a 2 week span….
At this time it is safe to say that a decision could be made regarding the status of the relationship, I do not mean engagement parties and wedding bells whatsoever, but a conscience decision two people make to be a couple and date exclusively…this is not outlandish, premature or “out thereâ€.
At 7 months? And the other person is still having reservations? Still having confusion over what they want? Well that is certainly and can most definitely be up for debate and I will tell you why…
You (OP) Seem to be ready for a relationship, perhaps not marriage or anything near this but ready to be part of a couple and a committed relationship.
Second your “friend†has no issues stating you are his “girl†in public however in privacy he is having reservations? That does not make sense to me whatsoever..
I personally think after 7 months you have reserved the right to ask the uncomfortable (Hard) questions because unlike the advice of other posters you are somewhat in some type of relationship with this guy and it is unfair to you to remain in “limbo†as you call it simply because he is being evasive and not willing to be straight forward,
You know what you want right?
Okay so with this in mind, you need to ask yourself the hard questions before even approaching him.
1. Are you okay with the status or non status of the existing or non existing facets of your relationship?
2. Are you ready to be a couple and ready to be in a committed relationship with this person or ready period?
3. How important is this to you?
4. Are you okay being presented as his girl in public but when pinned to it your “friend†states he is confused?
You stated you really wanted to resolve this but you didn’t know how or if you should again but at the same token you know your “worthâ€
In my opinion you already answered your own question and seem to be more than anything seeking validation for approaching your ‘friend†again maybe our of fear or anxiety that if you push again, you will “lose†him and what you have?
And again in my opinion? You know your self worth, you know you are ready to be in a committed relationship and you want him to acknowledge this as well, because you do not want to waste more time in a relationship that is going nowhere fast.
So ask the question, be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. If he states he is not ready? You have your answer, you can move forward and make an informed decision and do what you need to do..
Never be afraid to ask someone something that you need to know, ever!
Old school here. To me, 7 months is nothing. The "experts" tell us not to make a major decision (after a traumatic event in our lives) for at least a year. I know this is not a traumatic event, but it is a big event in your life (committment to one man) because if you and he are committed to each other, the next step is engagement/marriage). You are in a hurry for some reason, and you are very young yet. The fact that you can walk away from him if he can't make up his mind right now tells me he is not the one, yet.
I would continue to date until your 1 year "anniversary". How he handles/treats this important event should tell you if it is time for you to "force" the issue of committment or walk away. In the meantime, have fun dating him. If you want to take it a bit further to see how he feels, make the relationship celibate (if it isn't already). If someone else comes into your life you would like to see, you know he is not the one. I don't believe you said you loved him, you are just interested in committment right now? To see if you will fall in love with him?
I will reinterate, you are young, you have time, don't rush into anything, and don't settle.
^^^ Exactly ^^^
Another thought: If he can't decide on a committment (a bit further down the road), imagine what getting a marriage proposal will be like. You could be in a committed relationship for a couple years, decide that you'd like to marry the guy, he could make excuse after excuse, you could try to be understanding, then find out he doesn't love you enought to marry you. Just sayin'.
It isn't clear to me what "official" status you mean. If you mean engagement, then it is far, far too soon. If you mean exclusivity as bf/gf, then it is far too late. If the former, give him another year. If the latter, dump him now - you are not the one for him.
You are in the early phases.....7 months is not long enough to be "pushing" anyone. I would advise that these are your issues and insecurities at work. After all you said he is doing the "actions" attentive and spending time. Pushing anyone will cause them to bail. If the relationship is good, leave this alone...If you are not sure you want to continue to invest time then you are the one that needs to make a decision. Let this grow, nurture your relationship.....pushing your point at this stage is relationship suicide. http://www.lifescript.com/life/relat...red_flags.aspx http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...n_3040560.html http://www.relationshipredflags.com/
Last edited by JanND; 04-20-2013 at 07:08 AM..
Reason: links added
He HAS made up his mind, he just doesn't want to hurt you, or he wants to keep things exactly the way they are. Honestly it's your life, and the ball is in YOUR court regarding what you want out of it. Time to stop procrastinating by putting the direction your life goes on someone else and decide what YOU want, then make a decision that will get you closer to that goal.
He knows what you want. Go ahead and tell him again and then leave. Let him have time and space away from you to decide. Set your own deadline and honor it. How long will you wait for him? And don't give him sex and companionship in the mean time. Tell him you love having sex with him and you love spending time with him and that is why you want to began an official relationship. BUT you cannot go on like this. He said he needs time and space , give it to him without your presence. At your deadline, you will have your answer.
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