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We had a play date today and the visiting friend seemed to think that I should force the issue and make him tidy it up.
Your friend needs to shut her pie hole and stop nosing around in other peoples business. If you dont have a problem with your husbands messy space in the basement, why raise issues?
(I know, I know first world problems, but bare with me.)
If you're married or in a LTR and living together, do/did one or both of you have a room or space that is yours alone? My husband has a lot of junk, that I don't want laying around the house, so he has most of the basement jokingly called his "man cave". Has his guitars, office, camera equipment etc... I sahm, so I tidy the house, but I don't tidy down there. It's not a shared space. I'm not responsible for it and unless he has something he specifically wants to show me, I give him privacy.
We had a play date today and the visiting friend seemed to think that I should force the issue and make him tidy it up. The cleaning lady comes in bi-weekly and she makes an attempt at his godawful mess after everything else is done, but really, I'm content to leave him to his mess. I didn't think it was an issue. He's a grown man he can tidy or not tidy his room.
Is there something wrong with personal spaces? Should I care about the mess? Me and the kids aren't living in it so I figured it doesn't matter. Would you care if a room in your house was consistently a mess? Everything has a place down there. He just doesn't put them away.
Hi, your friend is an idiot. Honestly, it sounds like a person who is hoping for drama.
Playdate friends aren't always exactly friends. Our two sons are about the same age (we both have two sons) and the older two are really good friends. I like her boys, I'm not so sure about her... I'm not perfect.
It's nice to know someone likes our arrangement. It's worked for a few years now.
I think it's a great arrangement, not only in the sense of his physical space, but in terms of mental space...
the mess is not so much about being lazy to clean up for us men, it's more of a freedom from having to care about non-essential stuff...
Good to know. General consensus seems to be this is just her issue and not me. I don't know why I let people get to me. Someone thinks what I'm doing isn't good enough and I'm too quick to believe them.
Only worry if he is hurting his health. Too dirty with toxic fumes from car stuff, machines, paints, ect.
Or worry if it's an absolute pig pen where it's borderline time to call the health inspector.
Our study is no way near as tidy/neat as I would like it to be but it is Hubby's refuge in many ways so I just put up with it. Once in a while I will have a cleaning blitz of it ( making sure I am not disturbing any of his stuff, I always make sure I put stuff back exactly as it was).
It is worse at the moment as he has been sleeping in our study for a couple of weeks now as my recent serious health problems have meant I spend most of my nights thrashing about in our bed and would keep him awake.
I have peeked at the study and it is quite a mess but it is his space right now so I will leave it alone for the time being. It isn't dirty just messy though. I cannot stand dirt, that would call for an intervention IMO.
We have a budget and there's a set amount of spending money for me. I don't have a car, I don't buy crap I don't need, we didn't buy the biggest house we can afford. This is my treat/luxury. Someone to come in and deep clean for me. I still need to pick up the house and keep it clean. It doesn't survive 2 weeks all on its own without the cleaning lady there.
Off topic, but FWIW, I would GLADLY take the money I spend on driving/maintaining a vehicle and pay somebody to deep clean my place for me periodically, did I not live somewhere where it is difficult to impossible to go carless.
I think it's a great arrangement, not only in the sense of his physical space, but in terms of mental space...
the mess is not so much about being lazy to clean up for us men, it's more of a freedom from having to care about non-essential stuff...
This is a good thing for women, too. Depending on your personality type, it can be very freeing to be able to say, "This little corner can be messy...and it really doesn't matter."
Is it not picking up after one's self in any context? Is it not keeping the kitchen drawers organized in the way you'd prefer? Is it when a partner's desk in their personal home office space is more cluttered than you keep yours?
In general, if shared/communal living space is kept in a way with which I am comfortable, I'm cool with people having the option of keeping their limited amount of personal space however works for them.
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It's worked for a few years now.
