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Do guys continue to pursue you when you do the bolded with them?
Most don't, not unless I re-establish contact. Sometimes they'll tentatively check-in and see what's going (Am I sick? Do I just hate the phone?). Then if things go silent quickly again they usually just disappear.
I would like to clarify this has not happened a LOT. Just enough for me to know I do it.
I think I'm almost checking out to try & sort out how I feel, but then this indifference arises that makes it hard for me to do anything one way or the other. I'm also not fully conscious of the time that has passed, but it is still probably a passive way of signaling disinterest. I'm trying to own that - to admit to myself what I'm doing .
Most don't, not unless I re-establish contact. Sometimes they'll tentatively check-in and see what's going (Am I sick? Do I just hate the phone?). Then if things go silent quickly again they usually just disappear.
I would like to clarify this has not happened a LOT. Just enough for me to know I do it.
I think I'm almost checking out to try & sort out how I feel, but then this indifference arises that makes it hard for me to do anything one way or the other. I'm also not fully conscious of the time that has passed, but it is still probably a passive way of signaling disinterest. I'm trying to own that - to admit to myself what I'm doing .
You can't force yourself to like someone, no matter how "right" they seem on paper. You'll get out of your funk when the right guy comes along. Have you ever had a guy turn your world completely upside down?
I owe up to some of it being my fault for sure it took two of us though to tear it apart. My wife thought that the grass was greener some where else & I was blind to what was going on with our marriage.
You can't force yourself to like someone, no matter how "right" they seem on paper. You'll get out of your funk when the right guy comes along. Have you ever had a guy turn your world completely upside down?
Positively or negatively?
I've been in love and I've been heart-broken. I have never had anyone be cruel to me nor sweep me off my feet either.
I've been in love and I've been heart-broken. I have never had anyone be cruel to me nor sweep me off my feet either.
Anyone that was capable of rocking your world negatively is/was probably capable of doing so positively. It's a scary/wonderful/anxious/giddy place to be. I've been there before and it's been either really good or really bad.
I've chosen guys who were neurodiverse because I enjoyed the intellectual challenge of trying to understand where they were coming from. And of course they were awesome people, and we had a lot in common and all that stuff. But, ultimately, not running on the same hardware became a barrier.
I was just thinking about this the other day -- I need to not only choose someone who is neurotypical, but who provides the degree of intellectual stimulation I want in a partner, in other ways. I hadn't thought about the second part specifically before.
Directed towards the OP,…
This is definitely one of the better threads I have seen here on C-D..
I think personal accountability is a definite must if one is to really grow and learn from a experience..
I know others state that they were cheated on and they are at fault for not “doing it in the bedroom” I think this is self blame for something they did not create…One cannot blame themselves for someone else cheating on them since this was not their choice or decision.
I am also a big believer in “Accepting accountability for your part”
No matter how small, you did play a part in the failure…
Mine was ‘Enabling”
I over compensated for my ex-husbands short comings…Based on his childhood. I was going to “rescue him” I was going to show him that not everyone leaves…
I allowed childish behavior, I tried to talk to him, I covered up for him during a very abusive ( Physically and mental) relationship…
I became bitter and closed off not available to him…
This was my contribution…I should have left him a long time ago therefore sparing us both agony…
Some things, it's hard to know how much responsibility is healthy to take.
People here have mentioned being cheated on, or being abused. And yeah, you can say, 'I own that I stayed when I should have left' or 'I should have had better boundaries' or 'I should have realised something was up', and those can be useful insights.
But part of the dynamic of those sorts of relationships, also, is that the person who is being cheated on or abused is told by their partner and maybe by society that it's their fault.
I think there is sometimes a fine line between learning how to avoid such people in the future, and blaming yourself for having been targeted before.
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