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So, since you told her about your d-baginess, have you slipped up again or have you remained faithful to her?
I have never "slipped up". I think you misunderstand the deliberate nature. Never have I found myself in over my head, or in a situation where temptation got the better of me. Any actions on my part have all been very calculated. As for my progression, with any malfunction, the repair is a work in progress until completion.
This is the greatest burden of my life. Something that I have only recently acknowledged, and on my own have sought help to overcome.
. The Confession of a Prolific cheater. Offering advice to women, or men.
People know what a cheater in a marriage is ... It's called being an Adulteress.
No one makes a person do this they do it because
they want to because of there lust not love.
I don't see any helpful advice from your posts.
Just a person full of lust who wants to brag.
If this is all true and your wife or someone else reads this,
your wife won't be saying. ... Oh Happy Days ... .
You know, this is a very serious thing, and nothing to brag about. I realize this now. And you're right - lust has consumed me. But it isn't lust after flesh, as you probably assume. The conquest has never been "sex". Sex is far too easy a pursuit. You must think more linear than that. But thank you for your thoughts.
I have never "slipped up". I think you misunderstand the deliberate nature. Never have I found myself in over my head, or in a situation where temptation got the better of me. Any actions on my part have all been very calculated. As for my progression, with any malfunction, the repair is a work in progress until completion.
This is the greatest burden of my life. Something that I have only recently acknowledged, and on my own have sought help to overcome.
So - in other words, you have not been faithful to her since you confessed to her. And you think this is a burden to YOU? Do you have any idea what you are putting your wife through? Your children through? And you think this is a burden to YOU?
So admitting it is the first step. Congratulations. I do hope that you change your ways, but it sounds like that will be an incredibly hard thing to do (no pun intended...or is it?). The point is...(oh geez! I can't help myself!) as long as you are working to make a better situation for your life, that's better than staying as the cheater you are. Therapy is good. Whether or not your therapist told you to out yourself on here where plenty of people with varying opinions can comment on your confession, it's a step in a direction where you have to face your indiscretions by reading what you wrote. If you truly feel you have done wrong, then you'll change it for the better. If you are unable to refrain from cheating even after this, then maybe you need to consider this a sex obsession problem which the therapy can help with, or that you just don't want to change, but outting yourself at least gives you permission to do so since now everyone knows what you've done. I do hope you have talked with your wife, because she's going to be the person to help you through most of this if she chooses to stay by your side. However, she may not and you need to face that. You want her and your family supporting your journey, you are going to have to come out with the truth. Otherwise, you are on your own and this is not going to be easy since being with other women has become a bit of a comfort and routine for you.
Good luck with your mess. I hope it works out for you. Keep up the therapy and may your family have mercy on you.
I wasn't sure exactly how to identify, title, or describe exactly what I mean in the thread title, so forgive me if it is a little off.
First, a little about me. I am 40 years old. Male. Married 15 years to a very wonderful and attractive woman. This woman is the quintessential wife and human being. Caring, loyal, beautiful, supportive, and the most honest and trustworthy person I have ever met. Regardless of my actions, I objectively regard her as one of the finest human beings I have ever known. We have a handful of wonderful children together, which I do love very, very much.
I also must immediately disclose that the decision to come here and post this material is at the suggestion of my therapist, who recently encouraged me to "let the cat out of the bag", so-to-speak, even if it were anonymously. In addition, to find a way to use my sins, and the experience and knowledge that are derived from them, in some positive way (if possible). And so, in a weird way, I am trying to accomplish that here.
I have been married for 15 years. Before my marriage, I was very successful as a single man. Not tall, or particularly well-built (a little on the scrawny side), I learned early on that I had to develop my personality to attract women, as I was at a slight disadvantage (or so I thought) to taller muscular guys. Although it didn't hurt to have nice straight teeth and be mildly attractive in the face.
For reasons unknown, I began to date and court women at an alarming pace. I just simply love women. I love getting to know them, to listen to them, and to be close to them. I enjoy them intellectually as much, if not more than, even physically. Over time I became accustomed to a certain lifestyle where I dated several women at a time. Looking back, I admit, the juggling act was part of the excitement. It kept me busy, and more importantly it kept my mind sharp. Although the very negative aspect of this was that I became very good at lying. The hardest part about lying is that you have to remember what you've lied about. This part was mentally challenging, and that's what I liked about it. I also became very prideful and egotistical in my ability to recover quickly from slip-ups and mistakes, if these lies were not managed carefully. I would like to point out right away that I realize this is offensive, and I do not feel any source of pride in this whatsoever (anymore). I am at a point in my life where I am working to change this. Hopefully this thread will help me along this path.
Anyway, all this practice in lying and dating multiple women all with different personalities also taught me how to speak to women. There are certain things that women want to hear, and how they want to hear it. Voice fluctuation is important in relaying information that builds credibility, as well as bringing out certain emotions or thoughts that I needed them to feel or think at any given time.
Then I got married, and things got worse. In 15 years, I have had the pleasure of getting to know hundreds of women. Most of them were very sweet, mild, caring, loving people. Looking back, I am ashamed how many of them I have disappointed, or hurt. In many ways I justified my actions. I lied to myself. I convinced myself that my short chapter in their lives would be good for them in the long run. I know now that this isn't true. My therapist nicknamed me 'the tear collector'. It wasn't until he coined the moniker that it really hit me. Perhaps my conquests, while on some level I do love and respect women very much, was really a conquest of revenge. I won't go into the details but let's just say my mother might be partially responsible for who I have become. Ok, responsible is a strong word. Let's just say that she provided to me great motivation to lead me to subconsciously revel in the business of heartbreaking.
So anyway, here I am. I have met many women (friends or acquaintances, not lovers) who have no idea of my secret life, who always mention to me about troubles in their relationships with men, and ask me for advice. They have always returned and thanked me for my insight, whether they were warnings about infidelity, or giving supportive advice in defense of these men. In almost all cases, my intuition about these matters have been shockingly spot on. I really enjoy giving advice which leads to the benefit of another relationship. I believe in love, true love, and romance, and believe ever person deserves and needs these things in their lives. On the flip-side, love blinds us and I also get much pleasure in sighting warning flags which otherwise go unnoticed. I can't save women from myself yet, but if I can save them from another douche, then I get a lot of satisfaction in helping them in that way.
So, if you want the unabridged and subjective (or even objective) advice from a serial cheater, feel free to ask away. In closing, just writing all this out was very therapeutic for me. I even learned a few things about myself within this winded disclosure (forgive me for the wall of text).
Sincerely,
LMB
TL/dr: "I cheat because I want to."
What a lengthy diatribe. Your narcissism is far more annoying than your inability to remain faithful to your wife. So you like to cheat, big deal. So does roughly half of the population. No parade for you, sorry.
What a lengthy diatribe. Your narcissism is far more annoying than your inability to remain faithful to your wife.
Touche'. You're wrong about one thing in particular, though. You assume that I have the inability to remain faithful. This is an error that I would think someone as insightful as you pretend to be wouldn't make.
I have been counseled and advised by a very loving and caring marriage counselor that divulging details is unnecessary and causes unneeded extra pain. It is human nature to want every detail because there's a part of us that wants to "twist the knife", so-to-speak. I've hurt her. I have no intention of killing her. Does that make sense?
You're not going to "kill her." Get over yourself. If she knew the truth she would hurt for a while but would be happier in the long run. If you really think so highly of her, why continue to cheat?
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