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It’s been a week since my fiancee told me that he isn't finding any spark between us and feels that we can’t take this relation towards marriage. He isn't able to give me any clear reason even though I asked him many times and that’s what bothers me because I feel he was unable to understand the real me. We met through a matrimony website and then added each other on a social network about 8 months ago and in the very first conversation I realized that we have a lot in common and he pretty much is the guy who I have been looking for, he too felt the same as he told me later. But we lived in different cities so online chat's and conversation on phone become very monotonous and I felt that before I marry a guy I should know he and his family in person. So, we met each other and discussed how to work this long distance relation and he suggested that I take transfer at job and move to his city. So eventually I moved to his city 2 months back and found that his family is very much the perfect people that I would like to live with. Everything seem to be perfect, as his mom & dad become very attached to me, almost all his relatives knew me. I become very attached to them and him but he seem to be a busy business man at times but always give me time on holidays and weekends. I realized that he isn't very expressive kind of a person so I helped him do so by expressing my feelings for him and his family, but somehow he wouldn't express love towards me yet do things that very much meant that he likes me. Sometimes back he even told me that I am his world and then act aloof at times, his behaves confused me but I was patient thinking that he needs time as marriage is a big decision. I give him all the space that he always had and never interfered in his personal space, he would come home late at times after spending time with friends or work but I never interfered or nagged him, yet called him or taxed him just once to ensure that he is having fun. I had been spending all my holidays and weekends at his place since I am alone in this city, which is why I am very attached to them now and feel distressed since he told me that it isn't working out. He isn't giving me any clear reason as to why he decided this except for a line “our wavelength doesn't match”. I don’t see any disconnect from my end as I enjoy almost everything we do together, right from going to places, eating at his fvt restaurant, lifestyle and food coz our liking's are very similar and we have similar interests. Moreover how can his feeling for me fade away without any reason in months? While he himself was very much eager to marry me and showed so much love and care at first !! We never fought or ever disliked anything about each other, then why suddenly he said this? He confirmed that he doesn't have any girl in his life nor dislikes anything about me but feels we can’t get married and he will not get married for next two years as he is dumping me. So, I asked him if he wants me to wait, but he said a clear no! I am very upset and not sure what to do? Should I look for a new job and move out of this city? I miss his family and him but feel silly coz he never tried to work it out. He still calls me and talks to me, I really don't know why but last 8 months he has been my world, and suddenly how do I act as a stranger ? Should I wait to see if he comes back or will he never come back? I did my best to tell him how much I love him the day he dumped me , so does it mean anything to him now?
Just move on. Your relationship didn't pan out from his perspective. You don't want to be with a man who doesn't love you.
Eventually you would feel the estrangement and lack of mutual attraction but you would be tied down and could be even more unhappy than you are now. Feel grateful he is being honest with you.
It's very strange to go about marriage in the way you have. Perhaps you should try it the normal way and let someone know you in person from the very beginning.
Just move on. Your relationship didn't pan out from his perspective. You don't want to be with a man who doesn't love you.
Eventually you would feel the estrangement and lack of mutual attraction but you would be tied down and could be even more unhappy than you are now. Feel grateful he is being honest with you.
It's very strange to go about marriage in the way you have. Perhaps you should try it the normal way and let someone know you in person from the very beginning.
Thanks ellie, I felt the same and that's why decided to spend attest a year with him before marriage and he too felt the same so I moved in to his city. But when everything was so perfect, I fell for him and got very attached to his family. So, do you say I completely stop all communications with him and his family? Cos he lives 5mins walk away from my place and I am very use to taking to him on phone every morning, noon and before going to bed. On weekends I am with him at his place all day, and I call his folks every day, infect they do it if I ever miss but then since he said a no to the wedding they called me only once to console me and said they are always around even though things didn't work out with him.
If you feel it's necessary, send a short note to his family expressing your appreciation for their kindness. That is all. I'm sure they feel awkward now too.
Just do what you think will be best for you in the long term.
If you feel it's necessary, send a short note to his family expressing your appreciation for their kindness. That is all. I'm sure they feel awkward now too.
Just do what you think will be best for you in the long term.
Yeah !! I like the new city and my job and I guess I will send a note to his family for all that they did for me. But I feel he is confused and took decision too soon even before he completely understood me as I never expressed my love towards him until he dumped me. I just feel awkward to stop all communication with him just because he said no to marriage as he still seems to be willing to be around me by txting me.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it's painful. But he did give you a reason and a valid one. You're not on the same wavelength. It's vague but it is important. That's not just a "line". It is a major requirement in the success of any relationship. It just didn't work out.
Its very difficult when someone gives up on you, trust me I am going through that right now, and I say that because I was with the person for almost 5 years and she cheated and found a new guy. Its rough for me, but at least I wasnt married with kids, and be thankful there arent any new women in the relationship yet. Also trust me the first year is the honeymoon phase, things arent in reality yet, its someone new and its fun. After that the reality begins to settle in and I think thats what you are going through, you dont know someone right away trust me, its infatuation at first and after that you start to really learn how the person is.
Since he lives so close to you, you may have to move. You don't sound like you built a new life for yourself in this new city - other than surrounding yourself with his family.
I agree with the other poster that the way you've gone around this is very odd, although I take it there must be some strong cultural differences here.
Regardless, the fact that his family told you they are "there" for you even though things didn't work out is just a nice gesture because they truly liked you. But in no way does this mean that they will continue interacting with you as they did before.
The fact that your ex continues to text you means he is aware of how you don't have a life outside of him and he feels sorry for you. It means nothing more.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but yes, it is time to move on. You don't want relationships based on pity.
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Should I wait to see if he comes back or will he never come back? 
I did my best to tell him how much I love him the day he dumped me , so does it mean anything to him now? 
