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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
You allowed yourself to be "friendzoned." I always think if you are into a person who does not return your feelings, DO NOT accept the "consolation prize" of just being friends with them. It only sets you up for misery. You are best off telling her since you feel for her you cannot accept just a friendship from her.
I think I'm just going to play with her..not in a mean way but just text her back without caring. Might get a little weird.
So, now you want to play games. It was 3 dates, let's not go overboard or she will think you an ass. Childish pranks means you have too much time on your hands and you are obsessing over the situation.
An out-of-the-blue text, after several months, wanting to know if you're on "good terms" says to me that a guy just did to her what she did to you, and she wants an ego boost and/or to make sure she still has you as a backup plan.Don't give her either.
I think I'm just going to play with her..not in a mean way but just text her back without caring. Might get a little weird.
Don't be a d*ck, just tell her you rather not keep in touch and move on.
If a breakup after only three dates causes this kind of reaction already, you're in for a world of pain unless you get really lucky with your love life.
You've posted about this before. It's really time that you got over this girl. It was THREE FREAKING DATES. That's nothing. She didn't "lead you on" or do anything wrong. She tried dating you and it turns out you two don't click. No harm, no foul. You need to let this go.
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
Long story short we had been seeing each other for a little over a month and she dumped me before our 4th date. She told me that she was only interested in pursing a friendship. I talked to her off and on for a couple months after the fact. I then realized that our “friendship” was pointless and painful for me so I stopped initiating contact. Then after three months of silence, out of the blue she sent me a message saying that she wanted to talk and make sure that we’re on good terms.
In another thread about this same incident, you said it was because there was some party coming up that you were both invited to and the "wanted to make sure we were on good terms" sounds like she just didn't want things to be weird if you saw each other there. Clearly she has no interest in being real "friends" with you if you haven't spoken in three months. She just doesn't want you to act crazy and throw a drink in her face and act like a weirdo at the party. That's completely understandable. That's what "good terms" means. It means "we are both mature adults who understand not every date turns into forever."
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
I was pretty bitter after she dumped me..we went on three dates, she let me kiss her & then flaked and went cold.
Why on earth would you be "bitter" after three dates? Sounds like you got WAY too obsessed/invested in something that was very new and had a huge chance of not working out (as most dates don't turn into forever.) That's in YOUR head, not hers. This is also not "flaked" but "I am not interested." Stop looking at this in such a dramatic light... it's SO not as big as you're making it...
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
I kind of felt like she led me on.
She didn't. You're upset that a girl doesn't like you back and you're trying to paint yourself as a big victim. Not attractive or the least bit manly. Find your balls and move on.
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
Now that she’s contacted me some of these feelings are starting to come back. I’m really not interested in being on good terms. My idea of ‘Good terms’ is different from hers.
Just ignore her. If you see her at the party, just say, "Hey, how's it going?" with a smile, and keep walking. If necessary because you're trapped in line for the bathroom or something, then ask about a neutral subject like, "How's school?" Then excuse yourself and walk away with a, "Well, it was good to see you." These are the sorts of small talk things you would say to anyone, and exactly what the situation calls for.
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
"I'm not on bad terms with you, It just wasn't working for me."
No. Passive aggressive and makes you look very needy. You are hoping this will look casual, but the fact that you need to say it comes across as desperate/needy. Simply don't respond. If she emails again, or asks about it directly (unlikely), then just smile and say, "Sorry, I was so swamped at work. Hope you are well." And then nothing else.
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
Or should I just ignore her?
Yes. Best way to end the weirdness.
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
I'm afraid that first option might make me look desperate/needy? Right Now I'm thinking ignoring would be the way to go. What do you think?
And really, try to reframe it in your head. Not everything has to be an insult of the highest magnitude. Sometimes dates don't work out. No need to make it into more than it is. Wouldn't you rather she have been honest like she was after 3 dates and no longer seeing you than to keep dating you for months or a year when she felt nothing? As a final warning to this idea that you're going to mess with her head... keep in mind that things like that tend to spread and social circles overlap more than we think. How are you going to feel when it spreads to all her friends, and they spread it to their friends, and then their friends, and suddenly some new girl you're pursuing one day gets warned off? This was a very small thing. Keep it that way.
I'm not saying that I want to play games...I'm just saying I don't care anymore and I should treat it as such.
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