Hi everyone!
I am a 29 year old single female who has been in the dating scene very actively for a year now (though my friends tell me I'm doing it wrong lol).
I'm really becoming disheartened and depressed over it, with my latest disappointment especially.
I'm tired of getting attached to a guy and them disappearing or not being interested.
The latest let down was a 38 year old guy whom I talked to from OkCupid initially. We texted all day from when we woke up until we went to bed for two weeks, and seemed to have such a connection. The convos were always great and we both admitted several times (usually his initiation) that we were quite smitten with one another.
He came over Wednesday night, and everything seemed to go really well. He was super affectionate with me, cuddling while we watched Netflix, holding my hand, no kissing though. He slept over that night and there was still lots of cuddling and we stayed up very late just talking and cuddling. We were a little intimate too.
I liked him mostly, though there were a few things that did bother me about him and I felt were red flags:
1) he's been in AA since only July, I know typically when you get into AA you should wait a year to get into a relationship. He did talk about his addictive personality and how sometimes it can translate to relationships.
2) he talked about his ex a lot, even while we were in bed together. It was a 4 year relationship that ended in June and he seemed very hung up on her (and bitter).
3) he was very very negative and cynical. Even of the shows we were watching on Netflix. It just seemed like he had to put everything down.
I did have fun too and liked him, but those few things made me leery and even had me questioning if it would progress. But he was sweet and funny and I felt comfortable around him (I can be shy), so I was interested. He made references to future things involving both of us, like this was going to progress and go somewhere.
He left Thanksgiving morning and he seemed kind of awkward but I figured with how affectionate he had been the entire time, even telling me how much he liked me a few times while he was over, I figured I was just being paranoid or insecure.
I texted him to check that he got home safe (it's an hour drive) and he instantly seemed standoffish. I asked if he had fun and he said yeah, but he's not used to watching so much tv, it's not really his thing. I said sorry, I didn't think he minded and he should have said something (though I'm not sure what else we would do on a Wednesday night at my home?)
Then he states he just did that for six years and he's looking for something different, that he likes me and thinks I'm a good person but is looking for something deeper. I was pretty shocked by this and said ok well it was fun talking to you, and he said yeah likewise.
Im pretty upset. For a variety of reasons. I feel like he made a huge judgement about my character based on ONE hangout, our first one. We watched Netflix for a few hours on my couch, got take out, and talked in bed for a few hours, I thought a low key meeting the first time was no biggie. Especially since he made no suggestions himself.
I just don't know what happened. Was that just an excuse? Was he just not into me? And if that's the case, why act so strongly both verbally and physically like he did? It even has me wondering if when we were intimate something bothered him, I just don't get how he seemed to do a complete 180.
I miss talking to him and am tryinh trying to tell myself that I'm better off but this sucks