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If she is worried that you will be alone after she passes, I would tell her gently, and why you kept it from her, and apologize. If she would be easily shaken or feel betrayed by the years of not knowing, it is best to not tell her. She has enough to try to cope with. Don't feel guilty if you don't tell, because you would be doing so as a favor to her. Tell her you are sorry for all your mistakes, and how much she means to you, and how much you will miss her and be lost without her. Sometimes when you have kept a secret like that this long, I think it is best for them to not know. I would feel more guilt dropping something like that on her at this time than if I kept it hidden to shield her from the extra trauma. Prayers for both of you.
Why would she think that? They have adult children.
And I will. But I have a position of high responsability in the company, it's not always easy to take a few days off.
Yes, it really is, Charles. If you're in a position of high responsibility in the company that you're with, you have the power to take time off.. You are making a million excuses - Excuses, by the way, that led you to the situation you're in now.
You say you did 'Many lowlife things'. You have to know that this is one of them..
Take time off. Talk to her. Laugh.
The only reason to tell her now is because you want absolution. It is selfish and self-centered. Do not place any further burden on your wife. Instead, be there for her when she needs you.
Your company will work without you. If you are the CEO, COO or CFO, you may have the highest responsibility, but a week off will not cripple your company. Trust that you were a competent enough HR person that you hired the right people for their jobs.
My wife and I have been married for 36 years. We have two sons aged 35 and 32 and two small grandsons.
My wife is terminally ill with metastic breast cancer. She's confined to a bed and goes through bouts of consciouness and long periods when she's deeply asleep.
I have two "illegitimate" sons aged 12 and 16 from women I had affairs with. Absolutely nobody knows about them. I always had an higher income than my wife thought so I could send that extra money to send to the boys. I've always visited them once in a while but I'm far from being a good father taking the circumstances into account.
However, I'm afraid that if I'm not completely honest with her now, I'll regret it terribly when she passes away. She has always been so good to me and I was a pretty low-life to her several times.
I'm afraid of doing so in her condition so I don't know what to do.
I know it's strange to turn to the Internet over such a delicate issue but like I said, no one knows about this and sometimes it's good to have anonymous input.
P.S. I say "illegitimate" because to me there's no such thing as illegitimate children.
No, you should not tell her about your failures as a husband and a father. She doesn't need to deal with that kind of crap, now. Let her go in peace and ignorance. Assuming, of course that she doesn't already know.
If you want to get it off your chest, wait until after she is gone, and tell her children.
Here's an idea. Email/call John Edwards to ask him how it turned out when his dying wife had to deal with his infidelity, his "love child" (whom he lied repeatedly about fathering), and lies. Ask his adult children how they feel about his behavior and how he made his dying wife's days easier by easing his conscience. Then get back to us.
And let's just be clear: You would regret not telling her to make yourself feel better or you would regret cheating on her multiple times in the first place? Hmm...
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
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If I were the wife, and I knew all along, probably it would give me a relief that you confess.
However in this circumstances, You don't know whether she knows or not. So PLEASE DO NOT TELL HER.
But do show her that you love her. Cater to her needs.
Ultimately, it was your fault. So you have to carry the uncertainty whether she knew or not. I feel bad for your wife. You are not a very good person - I am sorry. This is the least you can do to her.
If you need absolution, wait until she is gone. Tell it to your "legitimate" sons.
No, you should not tell her about your failures as a husband and a father. She doesn't need to deal with that kind of crap, now. Let her go in peace and ignorance. Assuming, of course that she doesn't already know.
This is a good point. It's entirely possible she already knows. Dishonesty is rarely concealed as well as the dishonest party thinks it is, whether or not the other party chooses to acknowledge what they know.
Yeah, OP seems to have overlooked the fact that if he tells his wife, there is a good chance that his adult children will also know, and he doesn't seem to be particularly concerned or aware of this little twist to the tale. Someone needs to go back to fiction writing class and learn about plotting with secondary characters.
Also spelling.
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