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Ive known this girl for 2 years. We have an amazing connection. We can talk for hours, open up about everything and she feels completely herself with me. She tells me that I know her better than she knows herself. Could be friendzone land but shes also held my hand and will put in on her leg and thigh and she has initiated physical stuff with her. I never kissed her though because Im kind of shy and I didnt have confidence. But despite this, we have an amazing connection that we are both aware of.
She also has another guy in her life that is better looking than me and younger and she has a very strong physical attraction to him (im a good looking guy but this other guy is better looking. he could be a model). She pursued a thing with him but it fizzled out because he was boring to talk to and they had no real substance to their relationship. She told me she wished they could connect like she does with me but its not there for her. Despite her saying that she is over the whole thing with him and they are just friends, I can tell she still has a strong desire for him. When he's around she gets all fidgety or if he calls or texts, she jumps to answer it. Basically has a power over her because she finds him so attractive. They kissed in the past. She told me that she wants to be with him but knows he is not good for her and that it will lead nowhere.
What amazes me is to watch this girl have such a connection with me in every area and hear her say how much she loves how we are but when it comes to this other kid, he is like a drug to her. She is powerless to him. At first I was upset by it but I know that when you are attracted to someone like that, its almost a primal reaction that you cant help. All reason goes out the window. Im sure she is aware that she wishes she felt that strong desire toward me since we have everything else, but I also know that being young( shes 20) she wants to have that exciting adrenaline rush type of relationship. I feel bad because Im not good looking enough to make her feel like that. I guess im just not a "sexy" type guy like he is. Im just kind of ordinary.
I could walk away and say I dont want to be in friendzone but at the same time, I would hate to lose someone so close to me. Im just curious if any girls have found themselves caught between 2 different guys like this and if so how it turned out. One makes you feel comfort and best friend type (long term mate), the other makes you want to rip his clothes off (short term mate). And for any guys, have you ever been in this situation?
Ive known this girl for 2 years. We have an amazing connection. We can talk for hours, open up about everything and she feels completely herself with me. She tells me that I know her better than she knows herself. Could be friendzone land but shes also held my hand and will put in on her leg and thigh and she has initiated physical stuff with her. I never kissed her though because Im kind of shy and I didnt have confidence. But despite this, we have an amazing connection that we are both aware of.
Oh good Lord, the girl is dying to be kissed. By you. Suck it up and kiss her and she will forget about him. I think she's trying to tell you that in a roundabout girl kind of way.
Oh good Lord, the girl is dying to be kissed. By you. Suck it up and kiss her and she will forget about him. I think she's trying to tell you that in a roundabout girl kind of way.
Right, because women fall for their less attractive longtime male friends all the time and it usually turns out rosy?
Sarcasm. It doesn't. It's well documented that it almost never happens.
OP, I would say you are in the friendzone. The greater issue is not whether she likes you or not in that way, but how you have waited 2 years to get your answer.
I'm not sure where to start, but just that next time you get your answer quickly.
Right, because women fall for their less attractive longtime male friends all the time and it usually turns out rosy?
Sarcasm. It doesn't. It's well documented that it almost never happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jigisup
Could be friendzone land but she's also held my hand and will put in on her leg and thigh and she has initiated physical stuff with her. I never kissed her though because Im kind of shy and I didnt have confidence. But despite this, we have an amazing connection that we are both aware of.
JJS, you have so much to learn about lady signals. Yes women do fall in love with "less attractive" men all the time and they also fall in love with their friends. It's a moot point but how does the OP even know if he's less attractive? Especially to her. We really don't know and neither can he. The girl seems to be well aware that the physical chemistry she feels with the other man is not healthy and will not lead to a relationship so I don't think he has much to worry about--he just needs to make the move.
Oh and this: "It's well documented that it almost never happens." I call BS--I married my friend of 7years and we were married for 23 years. I know several women who've married a friend--usually it was a man who was too shy to kiss us at first. I never put my friend's hand on my leg or initiated anything physical either b/c I was shy too. This girl has thrown signals all over the place but she's going to get bored and start dating someone else if he doesn't show reciprocal interest pretty soon.
OP, I have one question: have you kissed anyone before? I mean besides a drunken one with someone you didn't care about?
JJS, you have so much to learn about lady signals. Yes women do fall in love with "less attractive" men all the time and they also fall in love with their friends. It's a moot point but how does the OP even know if he's less attractive? Especially to her. We really don't know and neither can he. The girl seems to be well aware that the physical chemistry she feels with the other man is not healthy and will not lead to a relationship so I don't think he has much to worry about--he just needs to make the move.
Oh and this: "It's well documented that it almost never happens." I call BS--I married my friend of 7years and we were married for 23 years. I know several women who've married a friend--usually it was a man who was too shy to kiss us at first.
The odds of it happening are quite bad.
It's not a good idea to tell men that it is imminent and has a good chance of happening, because it doesn't. You are misrepresenting the likelihood of success. I have been in that same situation a bunch of times and been rejected.
So, while it might happen, its not a good approach, and if he had more experience, he wouldn't be in this situation.
But at this point, he's already knee deep in it, might as well see it through.
It's not a good idea to tell men that it is imminent and has a good chance of happening, because it doesn't. You are misrepresenting the likelihood of success. I have been in that same situation a bunch of times and been rejected.
So, while it might happen, its not a good approach, and if he had more experience, he wouldn't be in this situation.
But at this point, he's already knee deep in it, might as well see it through.
Agree.
With most women, in my experience you need to act quick or you become friend zoned. I did end up dating a girl I was friends with for a few years, but we weren't that good friends. As I've said, even the women I'm friends with who are attractive, I make it clear that I'd still sleep with them. Point being, as a man, it is important to dictate where you stand. Which isn't to say I'm a crappy friend to my female friends and am always trying to sleep with them. More that boundaries are important.
Anyway, holding in a crush is generally a bad idea because it usually gets expressed in a poor way that pushes the person away. I think the OP should work on his own confidence, date some other women, then come back around and see if he still likes this girl.
Ive known this girl for 2 years. We have an amazing connection. We can talk for hours, open up about everything and she feels completely herself with me. She tells me that I know her better than she knows herself. Could be friendzone land but shes also held my hand and will put in on her leg and thigh and she has initiated physical stuff with her. I never kissed her though because Im kind of shy and I didnt have confidence. But despite this, we have an amazing connection that we are both aware of.
She also has another guy in her life that is better looking than me and younger and she has a very strong physical attraction to him (im a good looking guy but this other guy is better looking. he could be a model). She pursued a thing with him but it fizzled out because he was boring to talk to and they had no real substance to their relationship. She told me she wished they could connect like she does with me but its not there for her. Despite her saying that she is over the whole thing with him and they are just friends, I can tell she still has a strong desire for him. When he's around she gets all fidgety or if he calls or texts, she jumps to answer it. Basically has a power over her because she finds him so attractive. They kissed in the past. She told me that she wants to be with him but knows he is not good for her and that it will lead nowhere.
What amazes me is to watch this girl have such a connection with me in every area and hear her say how much she loves how we are but when it comes to this other kid, he is like a drug to her. She is powerless to him. At first I was upset by it but I know that when you are attracted to someone like that, its almost a primal reaction that you cant help. All reason goes out the window. Im sure she is aware that she wishes she felt that strong desire toward me since we have everything else, but I also know that being young( shes 20) she wants to have that exciting adrenaline rush type of relationship. I feel bad because Im not good looking enough to make her feel like that. I guess im just not a "sexy" type guy like he is. Im just kind of ordinary.
I could walk away and say I dont want to be in friendzone but at the same time, I would hate to lose someone so close to me. Im just curious if any girls have found themselves caught between 2 different guys like this and if so how it turned out. One makes you feel comfort and best friend type (long term mate), the other makes you want to rip his clothes off (short term mate). And for any guys, have you ever been in this situation?
I have heard that if you feel a strong connection (like you have known someone forever, etc) it is because you have similar familial dysfunctions. I can spot another adult child of alcoholics a mile away, because we are like soul mates.
Anyhoo...she is not mature enough to recognize a good thing when she sees it. I think you should maybe not walk away but create some distance. Why should she buy the cow when she can get the milk for free? I'd like to think you'll notice if/when she is ready to see you in a different light.
Also, keep in mind that just because you see her as a romantic partner doesn't mean she will necessarily reciprocate your feelings over time.
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I think she's trying to tell you that in a roundabout girl kind of way.
