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Ive been reading a lot about relationships and one thing i learned is that if a guy is too available to a girl, she loses interest in him. I've been with a girl for about a year now and we have grown very close. Shes 20 and Im 22. Since we are both away at different schools, we text, snapchat, and talk on the phone a lot. Its not unusual for us to talk for several hours and then even have another conversation later in the day too. When she calls me, I always pick up even if im doing something. And if she hits me up with a text or something I always write back. Lately, sometimes i feel like when we talk, she isnt as excited about it. I dont call her or text her nearly as much as she does to me (maybe 1/3rd of the time) so i figured that would be enough of a challenge to make her not lose feelings for me but I also know that always being there will lead to her getting bored of me. A few times I had no signal and she couldnt reach me. When she finally did she was almost frantic and so happy that i was finally able to talk. So i know that being unavailable definitely can be a good thing.
She has told me how much she appreciates it that when she calls me, I always answer even if im busy just to say " i cant talk right now but i'll call later" So if I all of a sudden just disappear and stop answering calls, she will think its very strange and be insulted. i dont like to play games but I feel like she will actually like things better if she cant always reach me.
I would really like to hear peoples opinions on what to do. Should I pull back a little on the responses and ust ignore sometimes? Should I just keep always being available because that's true to who I am and if she loses interest, its a problem with HER? Just trying to figure out the best choice. Thank you guys
Ive been reading a lot about relationships and one thing i learned is that if a guy is too available to a girl, she loses interest in him. I've been with a girl for about a year now and we have grown very close. Shes 20 and Im 22. Since we are both away at different schools, we text, snapchat, and talk on the phone a lot. Its not unusual for us to talk for several hours and then even have another conversation later in the day too. When she calls me, I always pick up even if im doing something. And if she hits me up with a text or something I always write back. Lately, sometimes i feel like when we talk, she isnt as excited about it. I dont call her or text her nearly as much as she does to me (maybe 1/3rd of the time) so i figured that would be enough of a challenge to make her not lose feelings for me but I also know that always being there will lead to her getting bored of me. A few times I had no signal and she couldnt reach me. When she finally did she was almost frantic and so happy that i was finally able to talk. So i know that being unavailable definitely can be a good thing.
She has told me how much she appreciates it that when she calls me, I always answer even if im busy just to say " i cant talk right now but i'll call later" So if I all of a sudden just disappear and stop answering calls, she will think its very strange and be insulted. i dont like to play games but I feel like she will actually like things better if she cant always reach me.
I would really like to hear peoples opinions on what to do. Should I pull back a little on the responses and ust ignore sometimes? Should I just keep always being available because that's true to who I am and if she loses interest, its a problem with HER? Just trying to figure out the best choice. Thank you guys
Do whatever you want to do and whatever works for you. Stop reading stupid articles about relationships, most articles are written by psycho feminists and douche bags.
If something is working, don't change it.
If you buy into this stuff too much and try to play these games because of some dumb article you're going to ruin things and get cheated on.
Being too available are guys that are downright pansies and try too hard to seek the girl's approval.
Why is it so hard for people to think for themselves? Do you seriously need a user manual to life?
Why is it so hard for people to think for themselves? Do you seriously need a user manual to life?
Chillll burglar! He's just asking for some advice.
Alex - I wish I knew the answer to your question. In the past I would say that it would be her problem if she lost interest in you because you were available. But now, who knows. Seems like relationships have become a giant game of keep-away.
Chillll burglar! He's just asking for some advice.
Alex - I wish I knew the answer to your question. In the past I would say that it would be her problem if she lost interest in you because you were available. But now, who knows. Seems like relationships have become a giant game of keep-away.
You quoted only my last sentence and left out my advice.
He's asking for advice on a relationship that's going well based on a stupid article he read online .. lol
I quoted your last sentence because it was rude. That's why I told you to chill.
If she's gonna cheat on him, it's going to happen regardless of what he does. He's got a much better chance of ruining things if he tries listening to some article than he does by going with what is working.
OP, the only thing that I've found to work best with women (well, western women) is not caring. Being unavailable is a demonstration of not caring.
IMO, trying to look like you don't care may backfire. You have to genuinely not care.
Basically, have the mindset that if she leaves your life right now, it doesn't matter. Don't be afraid to lose the girl and everything will work itself out. You will naturally do the right things.
Don't do or not do anything out of insecurity. Long-distance relationships can be hard because they're a good breeding ground for insecurity.
Every relationship hits a point where you're not as "excited". It's just a new phase, one which can lead to depth in connection & commitment if handled well.
You can balance security & excitement. The excitement is not in ignoring her, but in variation & unpredictability. This can be done without playing games & faking anything.
OP, the only thing that I've found to work best with women (well, western women) is not caring. Being unavailable is a demonstration of not caring.
IMO, trying to look like you don't care may backfire. You have to genuinely not care.
Basically, have the mindset that if she leaves your life right now, it doesn't matter. Don't be afraid to lose the girl and everything will work itself out. You will naturally do the right things.
But if you genuinely don't care, what's the point of being in the relationship? For entertainment and amusement purposes? What's the ulterior agenda?
But if you genuinely don't care, what's the point of being in the relationship? For entertainment and amusement purposes? What's the ulterior agenda?
I agree. Not caring is silly.
IMO, the idea is to not act out of insecurity. That doesn't mean you don't care about the other person; on the contrary, it means you act out of a healthy valuing of them, not a fear. You can care AND be secure. Needing to not care to feel secure is just masking a bigger insecurity, and it's going to bite you in the butt eventually also, in the unexpected way of not being able to love & cultivate intimacy & trust.
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