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I've been seeing someone for a few months and it's been somewhat intense (at least for me). He's talked about living with me and while I know folks in their older age don't want to fuss around much if they are looking for a serious relationship and also while I'm looking for the same thing it seems that once I'm involved, I become sort of numb to the whole thing. While I care about the other person and want to spend time with them, I get really anxious and nervous about making a commitment. I admit to taking a peak at the dating websites but not reaching out to anyone else. I've thought in the past maybe it's b/c I don't want to have and then lose the person (like my late partner) - it's a pain that I'm sure I can endure again but know that you need to take a chance for love.
The only other thing I can think of is that I'm concerned that we may not be as compatible as I first thought. Specifically, I want to travel but other than going to Florida for a few days in a few months to visit his friends and my family, when I bring up a bigger trip, he seems to hesitate. And for Florida, so far I've paid the airfare (I have a companion pass but he should pay 1/2 and he hasn't offered to pay for a share of the hotel even though we are staying with his friends a few nights - he should pay 1/2 of the hotel the other nights in my opinion despite one of the reasons we are going to Florida is to attend an event in my family; he also has said many times he wants to move to Florida and he wants to use this trip to look around but he hasn't said anything about what he can afford or asked me what I can afford).
Travel is a passion of mine I've told him many times and I need a partner who is interested and available to do traveling. Also, I'm feeling uncertain about how he is with money - by that I mean, his willingness to share/contribute. He always gives me a card when I see him on weekends and has occasionally brought store flowers as well as 2 pieces of very old jewelry (semi precious stones) from I don't know where but I think it was his mom's, but definitely not my taste and I know he earns a decent living and has no kids, or ex to support anymore. I feel like I'm paying for too many things sometimes including groceries on weekends. I mean early in the relationship if he can comfortably afford these things he should be more generous in my opinion.
He keeps on saying he loves me and wants to be with me the rest of my life - how do you know that after 2 or 3 months? He is thoughtful though and even went with me to my late husband's grave last week.
Is this due to my anxiety b/c I do really care for my new partner and while I know he has some "faults", don't we all?
I just get the sense that you're not that into him. He's sweet, he does the right things, but...there are things nagging you about him. And things maybe reminding you of your last serious boyfriend (all those threads about how he wasn't responsible with money). And you're taking a peak at the dating sites. It just feels like your heart isn't in this one.
I don't think this is due to your anxiety. I think this is your gut telling you that there isn't a long-term future here.
But if you're having fun (and it keeps you from going back to the ex), maybe that's okay at this stage. Maybe he's Mr. Right Now. With the half-hearted way you're feeling about him, though, I think you're right to not move in with him. And don't pay for many more things that he's supposed to pay you back for, unless you're financially comfortable enough to just end up holding the bag.
Your gentleman caller is cheap. This behavior will come to a head since traveling with him will add unnecessary mental stress as to whom pays for what. He is a cheap bastard!
I've been seeing someone for a few months and it's been somewhat intense (at least for me). He's talked about living with me and while I know folks in their older age don't want to fuss around much if they are looking for a serious relationship and also while I'm looking for the same thing it seems that once I'm involved, I become sort of numb to the whole thing. While I care about the other person and want to spend time with them, I get really anxious and nervous about making a commitment. I admit to taking a peak at the dating websites but not reaching out to anyone else. I've thought in the past maybe it's b/c I don't want to have and then lose the person (like my late partner) - it's a pain that I'm sure I can endure again but know that you need to take a chance for love.
The only other thing I can think of is that I'm concerned that we may not be as compatible as I first thought. Specifically, I want to travel but other than going to Florida for a few days in a few months to visit his friends and my family, when I bring up a bigger trip, he seems to hesitate. And for Florida, so far I've paid the airfare (I have a companion pass but he should pay 1/2 and he hasn't offered to pay for a share of the hotel even though we are staying with his friends a few nights - he should pay 1/2 of the hotel the other nights in my opinion despite one of the reasons we are going to Florida is to attend an event in my family; he also has said many times he wants to move to Florida and he wants to use this trip to look around but he hasn't said anything about what he can afford or asked me what I can afford).
Travel is a passion of mine I've told him many times and I need a partner who is interested and available to do traveling. Also, I'm feeling uncertain about how he is with money - by that I mean, his willingness to share/contribute. He always gives me a card when I see him on weekends and has occasionally brought store flowers as well as 2 pieces of very old jewelry (semi precious stones) from I don't know where but I think it was his mom's, but definitely not my taste and I know he earns a decent living and has no kids, or ex to support anymore. I feel like I'm paying for too many things sometimes including groceries on weekends. I mean early in the relationship if he can comfortably afford these things he should be more generous in my opinion.
He keeps on saying he loves me and wants to be with me the rest of my life - how do you know that after 2 or 3 months? He is thoughtful though and even went with me to my late husband's grave last week.
Is this due to my anxiety b/c I do really care for my new partner and while I know he has some "faults", don't we all?
Welcome back (again)!
Have you asked him to contribute or are you simply expecting him to read your mind and offer to do so? Silence means consent in common parlance, so you cannot pin this all on your boyfriend.
If you want to be with this man for the long term (or even the short term, if you want your relationship to roll along relatively smoothly), you need to have the "money talk" as soon as you can. Bear in mind, as with most things in life, actions speak far louder than words, i.e., if you're already concerned about how he handles money (*your* money, in particular), having a talk with him might just result in unkept promises.
You've been down that path before with your last boyfriend (you posted endlessly about it, if you recall)--do you really want to walk down it again with another man?
I think you know in your gut, that merely saying the words "I love you" isn't enough. You're about my age, (I think) so you know pretty words don't cut it. He isn't making you happy. He's causing you anxiety. Cut him loose.
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