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I have had about 60 first dates last year. I rejected most but I had an awesome connection with some - so I thought - and never heard back.
During the date they gave me tons of compliments, told me I am pretty, look better than on my pics, "why is a woman like you single ...", love Germany, German women are not as difficult, your accent is sexy, Germans are so much better in ... blablabla kiss my a$$ blablabla ... We sat there for hours, having a blast. I usually don't really flirt on a first date because I don't want to come off cheap.
We agree to meet soon again. Hugs me as a good bye and I never hear back ...
A friend of mine tells me my hugs are too short and too distant and I turn too quickly away. But I can't believe that this sends out the signal that I am not interested. Other friends tell me I scare guys away (tall, independent and strong = intimitating).
So I am really interested to hear from guys, WHY on earth would you shower a woman with compliments, act all super interested, even bring up marriage on a first date and future talk and then never call her back???
I totally get where you're coming from although I've had significantly less first dates...about 11 (because im not as active on the dating site as I should be), but I'm sort of in the same boat. I see all the signs of interest and then I never hear from them, I have friends who tell me I don't act interested enough, but I disagree, I act interested in what they say, I try to keep the conversation going...I mean there's only so much you can do on a first date, its not like I'm going to throw myself at them to convince them I'm interested. And even so there have been times where I have convinced myself that I hadn't acted all that interested on the date, and I'll text them first and get some uninterested response.
I'm super polite in real life. So, I would never be a jerk about things and I probably seem interested when I'm not. But for me it's always how the date ends that's the most important. If there is no physical contact i.e. a wave good bye or it's a hand shake then I am not interested or alternatively I don't think the girl is really interested. If I felt there was chemistry and a fun date then I will hug. Also, I will send a text immediately after the date just to follow up something like, "hope you had fun time are you free ____"
But you want more about the middle of the date. For me, a bad date is one where I'm interviewing and it usually ends up on things like career. So, if the conversation is not flowing i.e. your on the receiving end of a bunch of formal questions then that might be sign the date is not going well. Note, it might look like I'm interested in the answers but really I'm just passing the time.
Since you're super polite, if you met for a drink with the girl and found out you weren't really interested in her...would you still ask her to go grab a bite to eat with you afterwards our of courtesy (given you were pretty hungry and didn't want to eat alone)?
I don't go out on dates with girls I'm not physically attracted to. That is not the male way of doing things.
Those girls get friend zoned.
Well if you're online dating you might be attracted to her pictures, but in person feel differently, so you wouldn't really know until you actually meet.
Making plans 2-3 weeks later. He is playing the field. Unless he has a legitimate excuse. If interested most men will make time for the ladies they want.
I get busy sometimes and totally forget, but define playing the field.
Little direct eye contact but just enough, quick short answers to questions, more into the food, drinks, and venue, body language. But some guys do a real good job at faking it or winging it so there may not be any obvious signs at all. Especially if the guy is good looking and you really want to see him again, you might just be oblivious to any signs anyway because you are so mesmerize by those dreamy bedroom eyes of his.
Well if you're online dating you might be attracted to her pictures, but in person feel differently, so you wouldn't really know until you actually meet.
I think there is a huge difference betweein being polite and keeping the conversation going in a friendly way....... compared to ..........being all over the other person, giving tons of (unasked) compliments, future talk, etc. (and it didn't seem fake) .... and then never calling back.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artifice32
I'm super polite in real life. So, I would never be a jerk about things and I probably seem interested when I'm not. But for me it's always how the date ends that's the most important. If there is no physical contact i.e. a wave good bye or it's a hand shake then I am not interested or alternatively I don't think the girl is really interested. If I felt there was chemistry and a fun date then I will hug. Also, I will send a text immediately after the date just to follow up something like, "hope you had fun time are you free ____"
But you want more about the middle of the date. For me, a bad date is one where I'm interviewing and it usually ends up on things like career. So, if the conversation is not flowing i.e. your on the receiving end of a bunch of formal questions then that might be sign the date is not going well. Note, it might look like I'm interested in the answers but really I'm just passing the time.
Since you're super polite, if you met for a drink with the girl and found out you weren't really interested in her...would you still ask her to go grab a bite to eat with you afterwards our of courtesy (given you were pretty hungry and didn't want to eat alone)?
I would but it's because as you point out I'm super hungry and I don't want to eat alone. Maybe that's bad. Another angle that I thought about reading your's and Eve's responses as that some guys do use internet dating for hooking up without commitment. So, maybe it's a good thing these guys didn't contact you back. They read the writing on the wall that you wanted a committed relationship and found themselves not interested when they didn't get what they wanted.
Keep trying, I'm sure you will meet a guy who is interested in a serious relationship. If anything these dates are learning experiences and hopefully fun times.
I have had about 60 first dates last year. I rejected most but I had an awesome connection with some - so I thought - and never heard back.
During the date they gave me tons of compliments, told me I am pretty, look better than on my pics, "why is a woman like you single ...", love Germany, German women are not as difficult, your accent is sexy, Germans are so much better in ... blablabla kiss my a$$ blablabla ... We sat there for hours, having a blast. I usually don't really flirt on a first date because I don't want to come off cheap.
We agree to meet soon again. Hugs me as a good bye and I never hear back ...
A friend of mine tells me my hugs are too short and too distant and I turn too quickly away. But I can't believe that this sends out the signal that I am not interested. Other friends tell me I scare guys away (tall, independent and strong = intimitating).
So I am really interested to hear from guys, WHY on earth would you shower a woman with compliments, act all super interested, even bring up marriage on a first date and future talk and then never call her back???
Ok, first off, 60 first dates? Wow, congrats.
I hate to generalize but, as a former Angeleno, LA guys tend to be douchy-fake.
They only have one "script" to follow from.
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