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Neutrino: You read me wrong my friend. I have had a couple of relationships before. Last one was close to 6 years ago (I'm 32). I even had a couple of times where I would go out and a girl liked me. But the thing here is I was still hopeless and totally dependent on luck. Of all those times I never did anything. My only choice there was: I am presented with this woman, do I say yes or no?
Seeing that it's been very long since my last "lucky day", I would like to gain some control on this. I have made many attempts to actively meet and pursue girls I was interested in, but so far never even once in my life have I been able to attract them or get more than a friendship.
Hoopla: Your tips are good, I took them some time ago I have been in the latin dance scene for 5 years now, and I lift regularly. I'd say I am better received by people in general now (not just women), but it seems it still wasn't enough to create attraction.
The thing is, I'd say I had some good opportunities in the last years, but due to my lack of experience the same scene always repeats: I didn't have a clue of how to take things further (other than the plain, straight "go stick your mouth into hers"), and those chances were lost. If at least I had learned some lesson from those experiences, I could improve for the future but I never know what I did wrong (or didn't do) and why I failed.
Hoopla: Your tips are good, I took them some time ago I have been in the latin dance scene for 5 years now, and I lift regularly. I'd say I am better received by people in general now (not just women), but it seems it still wasn't enough to create attraction.
The thing is, I'd say I had some good opportunities in the last years, but due to my lack of experience the same scene always repeats: I didn't have a clue of how to take things further (other than the plain, straight "go stick your mouth into hers"), and those chances were lost. If at least I had learned some lesson from those experiences, I could improve for the future but I never know what I did wrong (or didn't do) and why I failed.
Well you obviously need to take the opportunities that fall in your lap as a result. Better to take it too far with a woman than not far enough.
Well you obviously need to take the opportunities that fall in your lap as a result. Better to take it too far with a woman than not far enough.
Yes, and no.
See, my chances usually come from the dance scene, and there, some unwritten rules apply. A woman may be dancing very close to you, lock her eyes with yours, smile a lot... and still not want anything. When the song ends, it's thanks and good bye. Now, if you try anything with her and fail, you risk other women there to label you as a "groper" kind of guy and you won't be dancing a lot after that!
I think that a good way around this would be learning how to escalate things progressively, and that's where I fail: I don't know how, it doesn't come natural to me because I lack experience. I would like to learn, but just looking at others did not bear any fruit so far. Is there some place a man can go to, to learn these things?
Hi guys. It's been a looong time without posting here, but now I will again summon you to ask for knowledge!
The title sums it up well, I think. I am trying to improve myself, be more active in trying to meet women and learn at least some minimum skills to flirt and seduce. As you may know, one of the keys to success here is a mindset of valuing yourself: genuinely believing that you are worth it, that you can be liked by women, and you have things to offer that they will want.
The problem for me here is that my reality has always been the polar opposite. Despite my best attempts, I never was good enough with women and thus I have accumulated years of rejection. I feel that if I were to actually believe I can seduce a woman, I would need at least a small amount of success to back it up. I mean some actual, real-world experience and not just "fake it till you make it". Otherwise my rational mind quickly uses my large past experience to destroy any "lie" I try to make myself believe.
However all of this is like a big catch-22. What can I do to escape it?
Any ideas are appreciated.
Don't judge your worth by what others think of you.
I see what you are saying burgler. Maybe I did express myself wrong (and the thread title doesn't help either).
I would say I value myself well enough as a PERSON. However, I find it hard to believe I have value as a MAN, since through the years, women never found me good enough to want to be with me.
Hi guys. It's been a looong time without posting here, but now I will again summon you to ask for knowledge!
The title sums it up well, I think. I am trying to improve myself, be more active in trying to meet women and learn at least some minimum skills to flirt and seduce. As you may know, one of the keys to success here is a mindset of valuing yourself: genuinely believing that you are worth it, that you can be liked by women, and you have things to offer that they will want.
The problem for me here is that my reality has always been the polar opposite. Despite my best attempts, I never was good enough with women and thus I have accumulated years of rejection. I feel that if I were to actually believe I can seduce a woman, I would need at least a small amount of success to back it up. I mean some actual, real-world experience and not just "fake it till you make it". Otherwise my rational mind quickly uses my large past experience to destroy any "lie" I try to make myself believe.
However all of this is like a big catch-22. What can I do to escape it?
Any ideas are appreciated.
Honestly, part of being a man is approaching women and getting rejected.
I mean, yes, the more desirable you are, the less it will happen. But an average guy can expect to be rejected a lot.
Just how it is. Don't put it on yourself.
I think if you really feel like you need a victory for your morale, then go balls out and approach lots of women and try and snag one, at least temporarily.
Don't you have friends who value you? Can't you take your confidence from those relationships? If people in general like you, someone you are attracted to is likely to see the same qualities as well.
See, my chances usually come from the dance scene, and there, some unwritten rules apply. A woman may be dancing very close to you, lock her eyes with yours, smile a lot... and still not want anything. When the song ends, it's thanks and good bye. Now, if you try anything with her and fail, you risk other women there to label you as a "groper" kind of guy and you won't be dancing a lot after that!
I think that a good way around this would be learning how to escalate things progressively, and that's where I fail: I don't know how, it doesn't come natural to me because I lack experience. I would like to learn, but just looking at others did not bear any fruit so far. Is there some place a man can go to, to learn these things?
Who told you to go grope women while you are dancing with them? I have been dancing for over 6 years now in different styles/types of dances. Never once have I groped my dance partner trying to hook up with them that way. Whenever they are breaks you know you can use your mouth and speak to them instead.
Ask them out for drinks, or hell if you are shy and want plausible deniability ask them if they want to practice or hit up some dance spots locally.
Location: I don't know..If you find me, let me know.
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Acknowledge that anyone can be rejected. Moreover, rejection is happening all around you, all of the time.
Allow yourself to feel bad initially. It is normal to feel bad, so don't try to bottle up your disappointment and sadness.
Understand that ongoing feelings of sorrow are self-delusions.
Do not take rejection personally. This commonly stated phrase is not at odds with the fact that the rejection probably feels very personal.
If someone rejects you, respect his or her wishes and wish him or her only good in life.
Avoid falling into the trap of living in hope that the person who rejected you will change her mind.
Try again. In most cases, it is worth trying again. Perhaps the main exception to this is in trying to force love––only try again to ask a person on a date if you're sure that both of you have reached a greater understanding and awareness between one another and you're approaching the new request with maturity and full acceptance that rejection may well be the outcome again. In the case of jobs, sales, applications, etc.
I've found confidence after making myself work and strive to be a better version of myself. You don't have to depend your worth on someone else's opinion about you.
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I have been in the latin dance scene for 5 years now, and I lift regularly. I'd say I am better received by people in general now (not just women), but it seems it still wasn't enough to create attraction.
