I want you to know that I've tried (men, single, husband)

[Uncle_RedPill]

Originally Posted by HarryManback

I want you to know that I've tried to be an idealist about the dating arena. I've tried to believe that it's all about "confidence", that attracting women is an "art" that any guy can learn, that I need to "learn how to talk to women", that "body language" and being "interesting" attracts women, that love is mysterious and that anyone develop an attraction to anyone else. I just can't believe it because all my experience contradicts it. I can't live with that cognitive dissonance.

Have you tried dating overseas?

[Auraliea]

Originally Posted by jma501

If only it were that simple.

Um it really is that simple.

Look at it this way, would you really rather pretend for your entire life being someone you ARE not, just to have a woman/man on your arm? Tell me what is the point in that? All these theories and methods that exist today on how to get a man or woman to like you, were all formed out of pain and anger. You shouldn't listen to other people when it comes to matters of the heart. If you do it's just going to hurt you in the end.

If you keep focusing on those methods, it's going to destroy you emotionally. Who would want an emotionally destroyed person? Do yourself a favor and just leave it alone. Be yourself. Make yourself happy. The rest will follow.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by Larry_Sellers

"Be yourself" is the most trite, clichéd and useless dating advice that has ever been uttered.

Originally Posted by Larry_Sellers

Except that women "looking fervently" doesn't involve them actually having to do anything, except exist.

This is why men should never, ever take dating advice from women.

And what would your advice be?

[Uncle_RedPill]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

And what would your advice be?

Improve your game.

Acquire the right knowledge concerning the nature of women.

Expand your market.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by Uncle_RedPill

Improve your game.

Acquire the right knowledge concerning the nature of women.

Expand your market.

Let me guess - PUA?

[Uncle_RedPill]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

Let me guess - PUA?

Incorrect.

Try realist.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by Uncle_RedPill

Incorrect.

Try realist.

Sure.

[Uncle_RedPill]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

Sure.

I'm glad we are in agreement.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by Larry_Sellers

Just quit and find other things to entertain yourself. Pursuing women in the modern era is one of the biggest wastes of time, money, emotional capital and resources that a man can devote himself to.

OP should resign himself to only dating under two conditions:

1. Woman approaches him first.

2. Woman makes it so painfully obvious that she's into him that he can't lose.

And how has that been working for you?

[Hivemind31]

Originally Posted by HarryManback

I want you to know that I've tried to be an idealist about the dating arena. I've tried to believe that it's all about "confidence", that attracting women is an "art" that any guy can learn, that I need to "learn how to talk to women", that "body language" and being "interesting" attracts women, that love is mysterious and that anyone develop an attraction to anyone else. I just can't believe it because all my experience contradicts it. I can't live with that cognitive dissonance.

This is what I've picked up over time:

1) Confidence is awesome. But you can't "learn" it.
2) Attracting women is not an art. I mean, it CAN be, but the only people that can make use of practicing it are the ones that don't need to.
3) You can't "learn" how to talk to women (in general), because people will give you different advice, usually as it subconsciously relates to themselves.
4) Being interesting works.
5) "love is mysterious....etc" No.



So what can I suggest you take from all this?

1) You can't ask people for advice on behavior (which includes me, so take the rest of this with a grain of salt.)
1a) Often times, women will advise you to behave in such a way that they wish their current SO would behave. Except the guy in question is already their SO for totally different, unrelated reasons and the offered advice would just be icing. None of that helps you.
1b) Often times, men will advise you to behave in such a way that they wish they had the guts to behave themselves, which can get you in more trouble than you were in to begin with. That doesn't help you either.

2) As mentioned before, confidence is awesome. But there's only two ways to get it: By having other people think you're awesome, or by thinking you're awesome yourself. The first one works better, but it's a catch-22. So you have to work on the latter. How so? By actually BEING more awesome.

You might not be able to randomly pick up some girl. But you can improve yourself to the point where you feel like you can, and that's a huge step. Learn a language. Take a class (dancing, cooking, etc.). Participate in a sport.

Do that for a while. When that time is up, the absolute WORST thing that can happen is that you're still in the same boat except HOLY ****, you now know another language, how to dance, and how to play dodgeball, and you're in better shape. You are now a more awesome person. Which makes you feel like a more awesome person. Which makes you ACT like a more awesome person.

And that, is confidence.