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Single Moms need love too and don't expect for you to pay our way, we're strong and independent because we have to be. I just don't understand why some or most men hate dating a single mom especially if she is attractive. I don't get it.
Unless you're a widow, single mom's are generally on the avoid list for every man. Why? Because it's not right, by nature, for a man to simply leave a woman whom he's settled down with. Especially with society putting so much emphasize on "staying with one person, the one you love!" Your situation is just one of many "drawbacks" to this statement. Of course there is also that small majority who just happened to be with the wrong guy, but then there's also the question on why were they with that guy in the first place and why didn't they just leave when it got bad- this question is so logical that most women won't even respond with logic simply because it involves forms of attraction and deprives from an inner feeling of neglect and or low self-esteem. But anyway, that majority is still very small.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04
we're strong and independent because we have to be.
This sounds a lot like a form of entitlement, the stuff that men generally avoid. I can't go too much in depth or this thread would turn rated "R" rather quickly but basically single mom's are generally absent in the mind and will put their kids over the male at any given point in time. The situation might be a little different if they were all older and moved out however, but this is getting more narrow nowadays.
I don't know why men make a big deal out of it but I was at the store yesterday and I seen this girl that I approached a few years back that turned out ugly. She has three kids now and she approached me telling me how much I've changed(which is a lie) and that we should get together sometime. Im pretty sure everybody here knows my feeling about relationships but it was like now that she he has kids she thinks we are on the same level. If I wasn't in the checkout line I would have walked off on her thats how disgusted I was but I told her I didn't have my phone and gave her the wrong number.
Basically she chased what she wanted and got burned. Now she's saddled with children who statistically not only make dating harder, but make your life harder as a single parent. Here's this guy she rejected years prior, but could be the only guy willing to pay her attention with her current state.
The problem with this mindset that people have is that they don't want to accept being second rate. I see it as this. If she rejects me months prior, but comes back into my life, if I have nothing going on why not get to know them? I'm not saying that you have to give this woman a chance that has 3 kids now, because that's a lot to take on. However, if the two people's lives seem to be pretty even, why not give them a second chance?
One thing I've learned as being a long time single person. I'm not afraid to go back down roads I've traveled. Most people date due to what they can get at the time. She thought she could do better than you, and she did at that time, but what she was after burned her. Now her stock has dropped and she's looking at past interest now, because she's going to have a hard time having new possibilities pay attention to her.
It's all about working with what you have at the moment and trying to capitalize on it. Right or wrong, it's how life is in almost every decision made.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
This sounds a lot like a form of entitlement, the stuff that men generally avoid. I can't go too much in depth or this thread would turn rated "R" rather quickly but basically single mom's are generally absent in the mind and will put their kids over the male at any given point in time. The situation might be a little different if they were all older and moved out however, but this is getting more narrow nowadays.
I would never have any respect for any woman that didn't put her kids over me, a guy she is dating, at any given point in time.
I would never have any respect for any woman that didn't put her kids over me, a guy she is dating, at any given point in time.
I had the most respect for the woman that I was recently in a relationship with, because she put her kids over me. As a person who's very rational and looking out for the best interest of the kids, it wasn't only the best decision for the kids, but the best decision for everyone involved. We both wanted to progress further, but had no time, without making decisions that we both deemed would be stupid for the sake of "falling in like" with each other.
Basically she chased what she wanted and got burned. Now she's saddled with children who statistically not only make dating harder, but make your life harder as a single parent. Here's this guy she rejected years prior, but could be the only guy willing to pay her attention with her current state.
The problem with this mindset that people have is that they don't want to accept being second rate. I see it as this. If she rejects me months prior, but comes back into my life, if I have nothing going on why not get to know them? I'm not saying that you have to give this woman a chance that has 3 kids now, because that's a lot to take on. However, if the two people's lives seem to be pretty even, why not give them a second chance?
One thing I've learned as being a long time single person. I'm not afraid to go back down roads I've traveled. Most people date due to what they can get at the time. She thought she could do better than you, and she did at that time, but what she was after burned her. Now her stock has dropped and she's looking at past interest now, because she's going to have a hard time having new possibilities pay attention to her.
It's all about working with what you have at the moment and trying to capitalize on it. Right or wrong, it's how life is in almost every decision made.
I gave up on dating and women but even if I was still trying to date I would stay single if she was my only option. She was rude in her rejection of me and even though I wanted to do the same to her I chose not to as I don't believe in moral victories. Whats even she has three kids I never had a date?
Basically she chased what she wanted and got burned. Now she's saddled with children who statistically not only make dating harder, but make your life harder as a single parent. Here's this guy she rejected years prior, but could be the only guy willing to pay her attention with her current state.
The problem with this mindset that people have is that they don't want to accept being second rate. I see it as this. If she rejects me months prior, but comes back into my life, if I have nothing going on why not get to know them? I'm not saying that you have to give this woman a chance that has 3 kids now, because that's a lot to take on. However, if the two people's lives seem to be pretty even, why not give them a second chance?
One thing I've learned as being a long time single person. I'm not afraid to go back down roads I've traveled. Most people date due to what they can get at the time. She thought she could do better than you, and she did at that time, but what she was after burned her. Now her stock has dropped and she's looking at past interest now, because she's going to have a hard time having new possibilities pay attention to her.
It's all about working with what you have at the moment and trying to capitalize on it. Right or wrong, it's how life is in almost every decision made.
I wonder if she didn't have kids would she still have wanted to date me im 99% sure she wouldn't.
Most men arent too keen on raising another mans offspring. Its unnatural and intuitively feels like waste of efforts and resources. At the very least we dont react the way most of the animal kingdom does, with males killing off another males offspring, in order to secure access to the female or to ensure her focus and undivided attention, for his own offspring. It seems so counter-intuitive, in this age of overpopulation and feminist propaganda, but natural biological instincts will always dictate our behavior.
I wouldn't go that far. I have a buddy getting married in 2 months who his first serious real time relationship in over 5 years is to a single mom of twins. He slept around with a lot of women and partied hard. It's very easy to see how they worked. Number 1, even though she had children, she was better looking than the single women who were tripping over themselves to date him. He was financially secure, and he could see that these women were emotionally unstable, so there was no point in trying to pursue them romantically.
Reason 2, while they were dating, she had a good system in place in order for her to come over in the evenings, even though she lived over 45 minutes away. They worked the same hours, so initially their schedules mimic'd each others. Her parents loved taking the kids overnight, and because she was temporarily living with her parents too. Her divorce had just became final with a guy that was pretty emotionally abusive.
Reason 3, with her parents liking to take the girls so much, it allowed her for more time to actually get to know my buddy. She had the support system that made her dating not much more difficult than an actual woman with no kids. That's why single parents have such a bad rap when dating. Most don't have the support system to actually date. Either parents are deceased or they aren't interested in babysitting children so she could date.
Reason 4, even though her parents stepped in, she had a routine. She would put the kids to bed at 7:30PM. So she's helped them with school work, dinner, and washed them for bed. Then she would make the drive to stay the night at my buddy's place and she would leave there and go to work. For those few months the grandparents were taking the girls to school, because she had to be at work before the girls woke up for school.
I know most single parents would say that's a bad thing to do, because what was going to happen if the girls woke up in the middle of the night asking for her. In some ways, that was the risk she was willing to take to keep a good thing going with a good guy. I'm not saying it's the right decision in every case, but it worked in her favor. They are now living together with a marriage in the next 2 months.
I have a couple of thoughts on that subject. The first being it is very difficult to be a stepparent should that situation develop. There will be issues on discipline etc. After having 2 stepmothers myself I can tell you that most women do not accept the males children no matter if the previous mother died or is divorced from the father. The second is I don't believe most people dating are looking to get into a ready made family deal. This remark is not for all men just a few but if they really wanted to be a father they would have stayed with the last woman he got pregnant or the woman before her. The third is there is a loss of being able to be spontaneous like just picking up and taking a week end trip or running around the house half dressed. Lastly once you become a parent is all about the child so the boyfriend will be taking a backseat.
When both parties are ready to settle down and give that all up by all means get married and have children.
I'm not interested in dating single moms because I don't have any kids myself. I know that I will never be #1 in her life and I will make my future wife #1 in my life, I need that returned. I want to raise my own kids, not someone elses. Kids are expensive, costs $243,000 to raise a child to 18; I would rather raise my own kids.
Now if I was a single dad then yes I would be open to single moms.
Single Moms need love too and don't expect for you to pay our way, we're strong and independent because we have to be. I just don't understand why some or most men hate dating a single mom especially if she is attractive. I don't get it.
It all depends on how a single mother became a single mother in the first place. When there are kids involved, things get a lot more complicated. Any guy with half a brain isn't gonna stick his neck out by dating a woman with children if that woman became a single mother due to some indiscretion on her part. People usually stick to their own patters of behavior when they become adults. This is especially true with how they treat the opposite sex. I mean, why would a guy want to get involved with a single mother and form a bond with her children, only to have the woman pull a variation of the same crap on him that she pulled on the children's father? For most guys, the emotional and financial risks of getting involved with a single mother are simply too high.
A case in point would be a very close friend of mine who's going through a divorce. His wife is a single mother of three children, and they've been married a little over a year. Two of the children were a product of this woman's first marriage, the youngest is a product of her second. My friend was he third husband. She is 35 years old. The children are all but alienated from both fathers, as this woman has not only been the self-professed victim of one abusive husband, but of two! Of course there are no police records, domestic violence or assault charges, or signs of past physical damage to her 110 lb body.....No, no. Just a long and lengthy record of protection from abuse orders that she's filed over the years against both of these men. The reality of the situation is that she becomes bored with men within a couple of years, is a selfish, self-serving creature with no moral compass whatsoever, and is an expert at using the court system to get what she wants in life from the men who are unlucky and stupid enough to consort with her.
My friend was one of those idiots, and now he's paying the piper after barely a year of marriage to this woman. Luckily for him, he didn't adopt the kids (she tried to get him to, but couldn't resist the club scene long enough for the process to be finalized) and doesn't have much for her to take. Nevertheless, he's still losing a lot in the end, including his ego as well as the relationship he had forged with her children who prior to him were devoid of a father figure thanks to their mother.
Most guys don't wanna wind up in that type of a situation or worse, so there's your answer.
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