Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm curious, because I also have a theory that women who are looking for marriage are usually those with the least interest in sex.
I knew this thread was going to take an even worse turn and it would be time to make fresh popcorn.
Original Poster: You can theorize until the blue moon follows what the cat dragged in and it will not change the fact that nothing anyone else tells you about their own experiences is going to change what is going on in your life.
Perhaps less computer time and more wife time would help your situation as well as the counseling.
Less details about your intimate life posted in the www wouldn't hurt either.
Women's minds work differently and they are more temporal oriented than men who are physically oriented.
To get her motor running you must engage her mind and the fantasy side. Offer to give her a massage and then gently glide your hand over her back and down her legs about 1 inch away from touching her, but enough so that she can feel your heat. The anticipation of your touch will drive her insane.......
Tried that. Does nothing for her.
We've tried talking about her fantasies. She really has none, at least not blatantly sexual ones. Her fantasies are more the "sail away with a charming man and enjoy the sea" type of stuff, usually non sexual, or mildly intimate at best (maybe a dance, or kiss).
It isn't healthy to talk about this here, I get that, I really do.
That said, my wife's friends are a bad influence on her in the same way, I think.
Please reread what you just wrote and keep in mind that 2 wrongs do not make a right. 2 wrongs just make things worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
I knew this thread was going to take an even worse turn and it would be time to make fresh popcorn.
Original Poster: You can theorize until the blue moon follows what the cat dragged in and it will not change the fact that nothing anyone else tells you about their own experiences is going to change what is going on in your life.
Perhaps less computer time and more wife time would help your situation as well as the counseling.
Less details about your intimate life posted in the www wouldn't hurt either.
People try to rationalize things any way that they can so that they can blame everyone else but themselves.
It isn't healthy to talk about this here, I get that, I really do.
That said, my wife's friends are a bad influence on her in the same way, I think.
Things did not go as you expected because you are attempting to take your specific personal experiences and assume they are applicable to the general population. It is a false assumption, which is why people are replying as they are.
Therefore, being a false assumption, you should not proceed with trying to help or understand your partner's lack of desire on it. It is not a gender thing. It could be she is not turned on, or she specifically is asexual in some way, or has a lingering medical issue (or even mental/emotional one).
However, her lack of desire is not because she is a woman.
It isn't healthy to talk about this here, I get that, I really do.
That said, my wife's friends are a bad influence on her in the same way, I think.
She's sought out like-minded women, and they're supporting each other. Notice that she's not friends with the women who ambush their husbands as soon as they get home from work, or who greet them at the door in a see-through nightie.
I've thought "maybe I suck" - yet, she can't articulate what she likes in bed, and won't really let me try anything new. This is what led to our counseling.
Then I've thought that maybe this IS normal, that most married men don't have sex more than a few times a year, and their wives are usually rather indifferent to it.
Counseling is helping, but it feels so "forced". Like, any time we do have sex, I'm the one talking her into it. Except when we've scheduled it (a suggestion from the counselor) which, in an odd way, actually has helped set the mood for her.
Ok, here are the things you need to know about female sexuality:
1. There are men who are like your wife, and don't care if they ever have sex. She is not that way because she is female. She is that way because she is human, and humans vary.
2. Women have the same range of sex drives as men. Some women can't handle fewer than 3 O's a day, and some, like some men, never O in their lifetime. (Homework question: Why are women required to act like they are less horny than men, in public?)
3. Hetero women are aroused by men, but usually not by the sight of naked male bodies. We are intensely, overwhelmingly aroused by other things about you. My partner can bring me almost to orgasm just by looking at me in a certain way (loving, horny, and arch) or by the way his skin smells when he is turned on. Some people say smell is to woman as sight is to man, when it comes to horniness.
She's sought out like-minded women, and they're supporting each other. Notice that she's not friends with the women who ambush their husbands as soon as they get home from work, or who greet him at the door in a see-through nightie.
Those women exist? (I kid)
I should meet some. To introduce to her...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
