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While I don't necessarily agree with the bolded, it does raise a question.
Why is it a guy's job to do the approaching?
Equality, baby!
I approach all the time.
I only get approached by guys 20-30 years older than me and no, i don't look like I am their age. On OLD I often get approached by 20-25 year old guys (I am 37).
So there is something wrong with my generation.
Guys my age are not interested or scared of rejection. All guys I have ever approache with success, tell me they would have never spoken to me out of fear of rejection.
Man up, guys, we don't bite! At least not badly that it hurts.
A lot of women do... Not all, but a fair amount. I sometimes wonder if some guys wouldn't know what an approach was unless a woman walked straight up to them and said something dumb like, "I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" Because that's not an approach... that's just awkward
In all seriousness though, women approach differently then men because, well, we are different. Mating rituals are very sexualized and gender specific because the whole reason we are attracted to each other is because we are different. Men aren't going crazy over masculine looking women or masculine acting women. They like feminine women. And women aren't going after feminine looking and acting men. They like masculine men. It doesn't mean women shouldn't approach or aren't approaching because they are women, it means they are approaching "like" women. I sometimes wonder if guys miss this important detail and then assume no women approach.
I only get approached by guys 20-30 years older than me and no, i don't look like I am their age. On OLD I often get approached by 20-25 year old guys (I am 37).
So there is something wrong with my generation.
Guys my age are not interested or scared of rejection. All guys I have ever approache with success, tell me they would have never spoken to me out of fear of rejection.
Man up, guys, we don't bite! At least not badly that it hurts.
Perhaps the bolded is part of the problem. What does "man up" mean, anyway? And why are you the arbiter of what a man is?
I think the reason for your struggles are contained in your post.
A lot of women do... Not all, but a fair amount. I sometimes wonder if some guys wouldn't know what an approach was unless a woman walked straight up to them and said something dumb like, "I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" Because that's not an approach... that's just awkward
In all seriousness though, women approach differently then men because, well, we are different. Mating rituals are very sexualized and gender specific because the whole reason we are attracted to each other is because we are different. Men aren't going crazy over masculine looking women or masculine acting women. They like feminine women. And women aren't going after feminine looking and acting men. They like masculine men. It doesn't mean women shouldn't approach or aren't approaching because they are women, it means they are approaching "like" women. I sometimes wonder if guys miss this important detail and then assume no women approach.
Interesting post.
Could you give an example of a woman's approach that a man might miss or not realize it was an approach?
I left out the ones who approach me on dating sites who are 300 lbs and more or have no job or 4 kids with 4 women. Or the guys who were flipflops on dates or no shirt. But I guess that is my mistake also.
I am a stereotypical woman (cooks, cleans, wears dresses) and I want a stereotypical man (strong, fixes stuff, protects me, carries my luggage). If that is sexist, then I am sexist.
Could you give an example of a woman's approach that a man might miss or not realize it was an approach?
Just like with men, it varies. Some women are more direct, but you asked about the subtle stuff. I can only speak for myself I guess.
I am a laid back, easy going person... so I tend to be more soft approach. What I do is engage in small talk in a natural way (I kind of have a talent for just starting conversations), smile a lot, flirt, and I (without fail) always make it known somehow that I am single (that's the big one a man could look for). So for example, off the top of my head, in the grocery store, I might say something about how it's hard to find something in smaller portions for "just one." Most guys get the point at that step and will volunteer something like "I know, I wish I could find single portions too," (AKA I am single too) or he might say, "My wife takes care of splitting it," (AKA, sorry lady, I am a married man). Which takes care of another thing I do, "figure out if he's single too." Other things that I do include complimenting the man... or asking for help in some fashion. Basically I the way I approach a man, I make myself a little more vulnerable and he should find it somehow just easier to talk to me so we can get a rapport going.
Just like with men, it varies. Some women are more direct, but you asked about the subtle stuff. I can only speak for myself I guess.
I am a laid back, easy going person... so I tend to be more soft approach. What I do is engage in small talk in a natural way (I kind of have a talent for just starting conversations), smile a lot, flirt, and I (without fail) always make it known somehow that I am single (that's the big one a man could look for). So for example, off the top of my head, in the grocery store, I might say something about how it's hard to find something in smaller portions for "just one." Most guys get the point at that step and will volunteer something like "I know, I wish I could find single portions too," (AKA I am single too) or he might say, "My wife takes care of splitting it," (AKA, sorry lady, I am a married man). Which takes care of another thing I do, "figure out if he's single too." Other things that I do include complimenting the man... or asking for help in some fashion. Basically I the way I approach a man, I make myself a little more vulnerable and he should find it somehow just easier to talk to me so we can get a rapport going.
That's a good one.
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