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Old 04-25-2014, 11:22 PM
 
Location: Texas
746 posts, read 866,932 times
Reputation: 183

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Doesn't have a drivers license, prefers to get around by walking, biking, transit, etc.

Has OCD/anxiety but not too severe. Like he doesn't have it so bad that he can't leave the house.

Is kind of nerdy like one of the guys on The Big Bang Theory (kind of between Leonard and Sheldon, I guess)

Is religiously undecided, no religion decided. I put this one down because religious differences can prevent or ruin relationships.

Probably less important, but for politics, does not lean extremely left or extremely right.

Isn't really into sports.

Is slightly socially awkward. Occasionally stutters and can't get words out.


Please state your age because age makes a difference with these kind of questions. Kind of a generations y and x are different you know.

 
Old 04-25-2014, 11:49 PM
 
2,560 posts, read 2,640,161 times
Reputation: 1484
I'm 23 this year. No I wouldn't date him as he doesn't have a car.

The OCD/anxiety isn't an issue to me if anything it may mean fun for me to get amusement from especially with the occasional stutter. I know my gal pals would have lots of material for that.

The kind of nerdy personality may be an issue as I find nerdy guys at 'worst' tend to be bitter, resentful, misogynists and at 'best' tend to be egoistical holier than thou know it alls that seek to make pretty much all discussions into a conversation showcasing the 'superior' intelligence he thinks he has.

The religiously undecided isn't an issue to me as I have no interest in maintaining a relationship that extends to such beliefs of his impacting my life.

The really not into sports bit may be an issue if he doesn't have other outlets of fitness as my criteria is fit guys.
 
Old 04-26-2014, 12:23 AM
 
2,294 posts, read 2,781,236 times
Reputation: 3852
I'm hoping I don't become an off topic deterrent to your thread. But I just want to offer you some advice(assuming you're describing yourself and are genuinely curious and not looking for names to message). I also hope the fact that I'm a guy doesn't preclude me from this thread.

I'm considering each line a point, for reference. My response to those points are below

1) This is entirely situational and you you shoudl know based on where you live if this is normal or not. If you live in a city, it's hardly an issue and is perfectly normal. If you live in a place where the lack of a car is an inconvenience, then you know that it's a problem for someone. As an example, I live in NJ. You can't live here without a car and anyone without a DL is considered to have a serious problem. If you lived in NYC, it's considered normal. Some cities are in between(Philly for example)

2) OCD is only a problem when you let it control your interactions with others. You may be annoyed if your utensils aren't perfectly paralell at a dinner. You can straighten them out. That's fine. If you feel the need to subject others to your OCD by straightening out their utensils, then that's a problem. You've crossed the line. Since this is a question about dating, the question you need to ask yourself is "If a potential girlfriend liked her utensils unstraigtened, would you feel the need to fix them?" If you would need to fix it, you have a problem, because your OCD is affecting others. If it would just bother you but you could ignore it as long as yours were straight, that's fine.

3) "Nerdy" is one of those vauge terms that comes and goes as fast as hipster. Girls like "nerds" when they're intelligent, emotionally connective, and relatable. They don't like "nerds" when the person is caught up in a reality that excludes them and most other people. I'm not sure if you've seen the show Cosmos. Neil DeGrass Tyson is the host, and as an Astrophysisicits, he is definitely considered a "nerd" by a lot of people. I don't think he does anything to exclude them though and he enjoys trying to share his passion with others in a way they can relate. Sheldon is a judgemental "nerd" and considers himself superior to others and dismisses the opinions of those who are "less informed." Depending on how you treat "non-nerds" will determine if being a "nerd" is a problem or not.

4) Religion can be a big deal to some, yet can be insignificant to others. Ultimately, you souldn't get hung up on this aspect of yourself. My own position, I'm the grand-nephew of a Catholic Bishop. It just screams "you must be catholic" but despite that, my brother had a non-religious wedding and I'm currently in a serious relationship with a Jewish girl. Personally, I'm somewhere between atheist and agnostic. I'm willing to go along with whatever ceremonies my girlfriend finds important to her though. If your dedication to atheism is stronger than your dedication to the girl, you have a problem. Ultimately for love to work, it should always be the two of you against everything.

5) Politics tends not to be that important in relationships unless one of you makes it an issue. This goes back to point 4, but if you cannot allow yourself to be open to another person's ability to believe their own beliefs, the you have the problem. If the girl falls into the same category, then she has a problem and is not worth dating. In a relationship, the person should come first. If politics causes your relationship to fall apart, then you actually have much deeper problems.

6) Sports is something to talk about. Nothing more, nothing less. Some people actively participate for the social aspect, but beyond that the only reasons people are in to sports are a) They enjoy the conversation topic/entertainment or b) they play themselves and enjoy being around others who play

A) If you're not into sport, you just need something else in common. I'm going to take a random guess and say you aren't into playing the harmonica either. Would you consider that a problem? It's just a difference in interests. No two people ever share all the same interests. Half the fun of a relationship is learning about the other person's interest, especially when they aren't yours.

B) If they play the sport, and you can't be interested enough to watch them play to support them as an individual, you have a problem. Most players don't care if you play the sport, but they at least like you to be interested in what they like to do. This goes back to point A. Even if you aren't interest in the sport, you should be interested in their interests. If you aren't, then no, it won't work out.

7) You combined two very separate things in this sentence.

A) Stuttering is simply a speech impediment. Some people will refues to date someone in a wheelchair too. Others will not consider it a big deal. Honestly, this forum will not provide you with statistically enough responses to determine if it matters.
B) Socially awkward is entirely different. Think about what it is to be socially awkward. It means you can't intereact with other people well. THIS is probably the one thing that will cause a girl to not want to go out with you. The good news is, it's entirely something in your control. Social confiddence isn't something you start out with. It's something you develop. Go out there, interact. You're going to feel like you're making a fool of yourself, and sometimes you will. But you'll learn how to avoid it when you can, and more importantly, you'll learn that sometimes everyone makes a fool of themselves. It's part of basic interaction. If you let that cripple you, then you'll always be alone.
 
Old 04-26-2014, 01:17 AM
 
Location: Humboldt County, CA
778 posts, read 824,322 times
Reputation: 1493
If you ask a question, don't be shocked if you get answers you don't like.
 
Old 04-26-2014, 10:14 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,720,278 times
Reputation: 42769
If all you present is a short list of negative traits, nobody is going to say that's desirable. Presumably you have positive traits as well.
 
Old 04-26-2014, 10:53 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
32,663 posts, read 48,091,772 times
Reputation: 78494
Quote:
Originally Posted by MynameisnotPeter View Post
..........Is kind of nerdy like one of the guys on The Big Bang Theory (kind of between Leonard and Sheldon, I guess)............
I like the men on Big Bang Theory. They are smart, goal oriented, active, and creative. They aren't sitting around. They play paintball, play games, do fun and creative things non-stop. How much fun would it be to hang out with people who get organized to bounce a laser off the moon and build robots? As a bonus, they are all good looking men.

I particularly like the guy who owns the comic book store. He's smart and has a great sense of humor. He's organized enough to run a business in a field he is passionate about. That's all good.

Howard is too creepy to be considered for dating, but maybe if I bashed him in the head with a lunch tray a few times, he could learn some boundaries. Just for hanging out, he is smart and high energy, accomplishing his goals. He's been up in a space ship and worked on the Mars Rover. How cool is that?

But sorry, OP, the not driving is a deal breaker. I don't want to get roped into being a taxi service. The exception being if I were going out with a man who is blind. I consider blindness to be a valid excuse for not driving.
 
Old 04-26-2014, 08:30 PM
 
Location: My House
34,938 posts, read 36,280,152 times
Reputation: 26553
Quote:
Originally Posted by MynameisnotPeter View Post
Doesn't have a drivers license, prefers to get around by walking, biking, transit, etc.

Has OCD/anxiety but not too severe. Like he doesn't have it so bad that he can't leave the house.

Is kind of nerdy like one of the guys on The Big Bang Theory (kind of between Leonard and Sheldon, I guess)

Is religiously undecided, no religion decided. I put this one down because religious differences can prevent or ruin relationships.

Probably less important, but for politics, does not lean extremely left or extremely right.

Isn't really into sports.

Is slightly socially awkward. Occasionally stutters and can't get words out.


Please state your age because age makes a difference with these kind of questions. Kind of a generations y and x are different you know.
Why don't you drive?
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Old 04-26-2014, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Texas
746 posts, read 866,932 times
Reputation: 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
Why don't you drive?
Cause I have too much anxiety with that much power in my hands. If I have a twitch or something it could cause an attack. Just pressing the gas with the car off, its hard to keep the pedal in the same exact position. I'd be using cruise control A LOT. Having my foot on the pedals the whole time makes it way too hard to not suddenly accelerate or suddenly brake. Of course on the regular roads it may not actually happen. The scenario could possibly stay in my head. I can't drive at least not right now. I really don't want to move to New York City, its WAAAAYYYY too crowded there. I like there being some space between buildings.
 
Old 04-26-2014, 08:40 PM
 
867 posts, read 909,876 times
Reputation: 820
I'm going to present a novel angle. Instead of asking you why you don't drive like everyone else is. I'm going to ask an even bigger question: why don't you have basic problem solving skills? I mean you can come up with tons of excuses as to why you don't drive. I get it. But what's your excuse for lacking basic problem solving skills? I'm talking algebra or geometry, just basic problem solving skills. I can understand math isn't everyone's cup of tea but basic problem solving skills.
 
Old 04-26-2014, 09:00 PM
 
Location: My House
34,938 posts, read 36,280,152 times
Reputation: 26553
Quote:
Originally Posted by MynameisnotPeter View Post
Cause I have too much anxiety with that much power in my hands. If I have a twitch or something it could cause an attack. Just pressing the gas with the car off, its hard to keep the pedal in the same exact position. I'd be using cruise control A LOT. Having my foot on the pedals the whole time makes it way too hard to not suddenly accelerate or suddenly brake. Of course on the regular roads it may not actually happen. The scenario could possibly stay in my head. I can't drive at least not right now. I really don't want to move to New York City, its WAAAAYYYY too crowded there. I like there being some space between buildings.
Have you seen a therapist for this phobia?
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