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You can teach them new things about themselves and show them that there are other ways to react to certain situations which can essentially change their behavior though.
Are you their parent?
Usually trying to "parent" your significant other through "punishments" only builds resentment and helps to destroy a relationship.
They have to want change and be willing to initiate it. If they do, your role would then to be supportive of them in that endeavor.
Clearly, she feels fine/justified in her behavior. Fighting about it, withholding intimacy over it, etc, is only going to build the resentment between you two becoming a bigger and bigger wedge until one of you have had enough and end it.
You can teach them new things about themselves and show them that there are other ways to react to certain situations which can essentially change their behavior though.
You can teach them if they are willing to learn.
You can not CHANGE a person for your own benefits.
I bet she has her side of the story to share as well.
I've told her this before but never right when she started doing it. I'll have to give that a shot and see if it persuades her to put that childish **** to rest.
You can only counter childish bull**** with childish bull****.. Tickle her til she pees her pants and put her bra in the freezer.
You can teach them new things about themselves and show them that there are other ways to react to certain situations which can essentially change their behavior though.
I'm sorry, she's not going to change. Why are you still with her?
So when my SO doesn't get the behavior she wants out of me she flips a switch and goes into super-*****-ultra-guilt-trip-1000 mode with a dumbfoundingly high level of determination and passion. She plays a mean, all or nothing, bluff no matter what guilt trip game with the experience and skill that comes from generations of guilt trippers before her. She's a guilt-tripping terrorist with my happiness as the hostage. She can go for days and days with it. Ignoring the **** out of me when I'm talking directly to her all while flipping a switch back to normal girl the second she has to talk to someone else 2 seconds later.
What is a guilt tripper's kryptonite!? One of you has to know!
(I know it's fun for some of you to pry with other questions and unhelpful statements while dodging the original question but please, just answer the question if you have personally experienced this and have figured out how to put a stop to it without leaving the person.)
I appreciate any experienced advice I can get.
ugh. Call her on it, and tell her to knock it off. It's immature and manipulative. Hopefully you're not married to her.
Maybe a little mini-speech would work:
"You're trying to get me to do what you want or punish me for something using a guilt trip. That's a ***** thing to do because in reality, you could just tell me why you're upset or what you want, we could talk about it, and it can be fixed. Instead you want to try to make me feel bad without talking about the issue. That is a ***** thing to do."
Maybe something like that. What do you think?
Too wordy. Sounds wimpy. Try instead: "I don't like it when you ______________(name the behavior). If you have a problem with me, tell me directly. This sulking/guilt-tripping is petty, childish cr@p. Knock it off."
If this isn't the only problem between you two (and your posting history indicates it's not), you can either insist you both get into therapy, or move on to a healthier, happier partner.
You just refuse to play. That is the closest you can come. Many people who try to make others close to them feel guilty, do it because they have emotional problems they can't acknowledge and they play the blame game to avoid their own responsibility. This is a conspicuous feature of relationships with alcoholics, people who suffer from eating disorders and many other other types of dysfunctional people. It is an aggressive form of denial.
So when my SO doesn't get the behavior she wants out of me she flips a switch and goes into super-*****-ultra-guilt-trip-1000 mode with a dumbfoundingly high level of determination and passion. She plays a mean, all or nothing, bluff no matter what guilt trip game with the experience and skill that comes from generations of guilt trippers before her. She's a guilt-tripping terrorist with my happiness as the hostage. She can go for days and days with it. Ignoring the **** out of me when I'm talking directly to her all while flipping a switch back to normal girl the second she has to talk to someone else 2 seconds later.
What is a guilt tripper's kryptonite!? One of you has to know!
(I know it's fun for some of you to pry with other questions and unhelpful statements while dodging the original question but please, just answer the question if you have personally experienced this and have figured out how to put a stop to it without leaving the person.)
You just refuse to play. That is the closest you can come. Many people who try to make others close to them feel guilty, do it because they have emotional problems they can't acknowledge and they play the blame game to avoid their own responsibility. This is a conspicuous feature of relationships with alcoholics, people who suffer from eating disorders and many other other types of dysfunctional people. It is an aggressive form of denial.
^^^^ This. It's also a form of abuse.
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