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So when my SO doesn't get the behavior she wants out of me she flips a switch and goes into super-*****-ultra-guilt-trip-1000 mode with a dumbfoundingly high level of determination and passion. She plays a mean, all or nothing, bluff no matter what guilt trip game with the experience and skill that comes from generations of guilt trippers before her. She's a guilt-tripping terrorist with my happiness as the hostage. She can go for days and days with it. Ignoring the **** out of me when I'm talking directly to her all while flipping a switch back to normal girl the second she has to talk to someone else 2 seconds later.
What is a guilt tripper's kryptonite!? One of you has to know!
(I know it's fun for some of you to pry with other questions and unhelpful statements while dodging the original question but please, just answer the question if you have personally experienced this and have figured out how to put a stop to it without leaving the person.)
So when my SO doesn't get the behavior she wants out of me she flips a switch and goes into super-*****-ultra-guilt-trip-1000 mode with a dumbfoundingly high level of determination and passion. She plays a mean, all or nothing, bluff no matter what guilt trip game with the experience and skill that comes from generations of guilt trippers before her. She's a guilt-tripping terrorist with my happiness as the hostage. She can go for days and days with it. Ignoring the **** out of me when I'm talking directly to her all while flipping a switch back to normal girl the second she has to talk to someone else 2 seconds later.
What is a guilt tripper's kryptonite!? One of you has to know!
Go deeper. Get more real. Address the thing she is upset about directly. Use empathy. Have the balls to acknowledge your mistakes. For example, 'It looks like you are really hurting. I am terribly sorry. What can I do to help?'
That's what really works.
Quote:
(I know it's fun for some of you to pry with other questions and unhelpful statements while dodging the original question but please, just answer the question if you have personally experienced this and have figured out how to put a stop to it without leaving the person.)
This comment makes it look like any advice given to you will be wasted. However, it might help a lurker.
The same way you treat a child who always asks for things they do not need or should have.
Do not engage the BAD behavior.
They eventually learn it doesn't work and will deal with you rationally.
You have to understand this will only work if you yourself are already being rational. You can't expect already irrational situations to yield anything but more of the same back and forth.
Last edited by rego00123; 05-05-2014 at 12:29 AM..
So when my SO doesn't get the behavior she wants out of me she flips a switch and goes into super-*****-ultra-guilt-trip-1000 mode with a dumbfoundingly high level of determination and passion. She plays a mean, all or nothing, bluff no matter what guilt trip game with the experience and skill that comes from generations of guilt trippers before her. She's a guilt-tripping terrorist with my happiness as the hostage. She can go for days and days with it. Ignoring the **** out of me when I'm talking directly to her all while flipping a switch back to normal girl the second she has to talk to someone else 2 seconds later.
What is a guilt tripper's kryptonite!? One of you has to know!
(I know it's fun for some of you to pry with other questions and unhelpful statements while dodging the original question but please, just answer the question if you have personally experienced this and have figured out how to put a stop to it without leaving the person.)
I appreciate any experienced advice I can get.
i am very experienced with this problem. i grew up with this ... trapped, without a choice.
my advice: it isn't complicated; just don't capitulate. if you do, the demands will only increase in the future. Decide purely on your own terms, rationally, whether you should feel guilty about something. Is it your fault? Can you fix it? Is it your responsibility to fix? etc..
i wouldn't choose to be in a relationship like this, though. so that part is your fault.
Make her guilty as well since she operates on guilt trips.
it doesn't work that way IMO
guilt trips, i think, are a behavior learned at a young age that's designed to 'get what you want.' it doesn't mean that person necessarily has the capability to feel guilt.
So when my SO doesn't get the behavior she wants out of me she flips a switch and goes into super-*****-ultra-guilt-trip-1000 mode with a dumbfoundingly high level of determination and passion. She plays a mean, all or nothing, bluff no matter what guilt trip game with the experience and skill that comes from generations of guilt trippers before her.
I think both men and women can play guilt trips games like that. I wonder what is her side of the story?
She does sound awful if everything you said is true. What are these "little things" you do annoy the hell out of her, maybe you can give some examples here.
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