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How should I go about mingling and dating? I know this may seem like an odd question, but I'm an introvert. Long story short, I haven't dated much. I've spent a great deal of time pursuing my education and career. I'm currently set in my career but something is drastically missing. I would love to have someone special in my life. The problem is, I don't know how to interact with men.
I desperately want to change my personal life. Any suggestions?
A little information about me: I'm cute (but certainly not beautiful or gorgeous), petite/thin and still very youthful looking at 36. Should I just put on a nice outfit and go to a sports bar (even though I don't drink alcohol)? I'm not really certain how I should go about dating at this stage in my life. I am thinking that most guys who are my age, will think something is drastically wrong with me, since I have no dating or sexual experience.
Pursue hobbies that place you in groups where there are men; photography class, sports groups, volunteer orgs, charity dinners, whatever catches your interest. Also try meetup groups and university evening classes. Being in a regularly-scheduled activity is great for introverts, because it gives people time to get to know you, and you time to warm up to them. Friendships and more can happen organically.
Pursue hobbies that place you in groups where there are men; photography class, sports groups, volunteer orgs, charity dinners, whatever catches your interest. Also try meetup groups and university evening classes. Being in a regularly-scheduled activity is great for introverts, because it gives people time to get to know you, and you time to warm up to them. Friendships and more can happen organically.
I have tried that, but I rarely have time to commit to ongoing groups and activities after work. Also, I find that many of the activities that I enjoy often have far more women participants than men.
I am thinking about attending a speed dating event. I'm just a bit worried that the guys will have nothing in common with me, since the dates are not pre-selected. It's just a random group of guys.
I have tried that, but I rarely have time to commit to ongoing groups and activities after work. Also, I find that many of the activities that I enjoy often have far more women participants than men. I am thinking about attending a speed dating event. I'm just a bit worried that the guys will have nothing in common with me, since the dates are not pre-selected. It's just a random group of guys.
You won't know until you try it. The worst that can happen is that you walk away feeling like you've wasted an hour or two of your time.
You really just have to put yourself in situations where you can meet people. Like the ones Ruth mentioned. It just takes time and really happens naturally.
What sorts of venues and schemes are there for meeting a potential romantic partner? The best is recommendation by friends. Short of that, we have (1) thematic venues such as bars, clubs, singles-functions, speed-dating, online dating, and singles-themed meetup.com groups; and (2) events having nothing per se to do with dating, such as community college evening classes and softball leagues.
From what I gather, the prevailing wisdom on this Forum is that the second-type of venues are superior, especially for introverts. They're low-key, low-risk, and more likely to attract persons interested in long-term commitment, rather than casual escapades. So far, so good. But as the OP has discovered, most such venues are "gendered"; there is either an overwhelming preponderance of men, or women. It would be disingenuous and ultimately counterproductive for a woman to pick up guy-oriented activities in which she's ultimately uninterested. Likewise for men. So we're left with a fundamental problem, for both genders: the venues where the pickings are best, are largely off-limits.
Add to this the problem of age. The OP is 36. How many meetup.com attendees in that age-bracket are going to be single? I'm very active in my local city's meetup scene, and by and large it's rewarding. Again, so far, so good. But the dating opportunities are nil. Everyone is already married!
In sum, the OP's predicament has no easy fix. It's a very real problem – for both men and women.
I have tried that, but I rarely have time to commit to ongoing groups and activities after work. Also, I find that many of the activities that I enjoy often have far more women participants than men.
What about weekends? There are plenty of weekend activities for singles. Some cities have hiking groups that have singles hikes. (Well-attended by men.) Try dance lessons and dance evenings (swing, salsa, folk, ballroom, whatever). Join a tennis club, or check out classes at your gym. Look in your local newspaper for events and activities.
What happens all too often on this forum is that people ask for suggestions on how/where to mix and mingle, then make excuses as to why they can't follow any of the suggestions. Don't be one of those people.
Anything at all that gets you out of the house and around people.
But I agree that it's not easy.
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Should I just put on a nice outfit and go to a sports bar (even though I don't drink alcohol)?
I wouldn't recommend this by yourself. Although I did have a very nice conversation not too long ago with a woman at a sports bar who was there alone. Still, I don't think that would really bring about your desired result.
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I am thinking that most guys who are my age, will think something is drastically wrong with me, since I have no dating or sexual experience.
I think not. If anything, no kids in the picture will make you more attractive. Speaking for myself, I don't want to know about my date's dating & sexual past, but it'd be refreshing to date someone who isn't jaded by an ex boyfriend or ex husband. So I would not worry about that.
Sometimes I feel like I'm running out of time. I regret solely focusing on my career.
I will join a hiking group and possibly partake in an art class, but for now, I'd like to meet people and test the waters, but I'm not interested in drinking alcohol at a bar.
Sometimes I feel like I'm running out of time. I regret solely focusing on my career.
I know. I'm 31 and feel that way too now and then. However, I bet a lot of people who are bogged down with 3 kids and a dead-end job wish they had focused on their career. Coulda, woulda, shoulda; grass is always greener type of thing. My parents started dating at age 36, married at 37, so there you go.
You could try meetups and/or online dating. Someone above said meetups don't have many singles, which is not what I found from them. The bigger issue for me was the low amount of age-appropriate singles, but that is a function of where I live - not a lot of single, educated women in my desired age-range around here. If you're in a bigger city, really, dating should not be a problem. It's going to be harder in a smaller community because there are just fewer people available.
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