Please help.. Why do I only ever attract jerks and players?! (dating, boyfriend)
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Okay, I really need some help or advice, because I can't take it anymore, and I don't know where else to turn. The only type of men I attract into my life are lying *******s who are just desperate and looking to use me in some way. I don't know WHY I only attract these types of guys, when literally all the girls around me are always attracting great guys, being treated amazingly and falling in love! And honestly, I barely attract guys into my life in general.. I am for the most part.. Alone. But when once in a blue moon I do get a guy, of course he is a jerk/player/*******. I feel like I am so unworthy of love but I really want it, but I feel that I am starting to become desperate because I always attract the opposite of what any girl would want!
An example of how I am treated is so recently there was this guy who admitted to me that he was interested in me for quite some time, but I had no idea because I thought he liked another girl, but then he told me he actually didn't like that girl and liked me the whole time. Stupid me believed him and we started talking even though I was cautious and didn't like him at first, and over time I started to fall for him. Eventually I found out that the whole time he actually DID have feelings for the other girl, so he was talking to both of us at the same time, even though he said that he only had interest in me, and now he isn't contacting me at all and I don't know why.
I just don't know what it takes to get an honest, genuine, good guy that tells the truth and truly likes me for me! I also found out that this guy always goes from girl to girl, and so I am just another random girl that he was testing out.
The guy before him that I dated was even worse. He acted super nice and sweet when we were first dating, but once he realized he had me he turned into this distant ******* that only would express interest in me when we were having sex.
The guy before HIM acted like he was really into me, but then I found out he was talking to another girl and he ended up leaving me for her because he was crazy about her and I guess she was a lot better then me in some way.
Guys I like NEVER stay interested in me for long, and they always leave me or treat me like crap the first chance I get.
I just feel so alone and hopeless. I already have low self esteem which idk maybe that is what is causing all of this, but now I feel like I literally have no self esteem at all because this cycle always repeats itself over and over and over again. I don't really know what I am doing wrong... Do I come off as too clingy or needy or something?.. Because I really don't know how that could be.. I am pretty independent overall.. I just want to know what it is like to have true love, or even just be with a guy who is genuinely interested in me and be treated with respect!! Do guys see my insecurities? Am I not pretty or is my personality not good enough?
I just need help or advice, because I don't know what to do and I can't go through another process like this again.. I am about to give up on the idea of love... What am i doing wrong? How can i change my terrible empty love life?
If you have low self-esteem, it could be you give off that vibe, without knowing it. So, the jerks figure you'll be easy to impress and seduce, because they figured you'd be looking for validation.
Not saying this is 100%, but it can be possible. Many people tend to like confidence. Even if you are insecure, the trick is not letting it show, and try doing things that will make you more confident.
I am the same. Not too confident and outgoing. What do I attract? Guys who will sleep with anything, and probably think i'll be easy because I am shy. They don't even have to be attracted to me. A bum asked for my number once. Now what reason did he have to think I was going to give it to him, when I didn't know him, never talked to him, and he didn't look healthy or presentable. No reason. I was just outside working, while the other employees were out smoking and chatting. So, he asked out the girl who was by herself, and not talking.
So, guys think shy insecure girls will be gullible, and easy to seduce, control, and run over. Some can see that weakness in you. You have to try to be more confident, and not fall to flattery every time, because as you know, some guys will say anything you want to hear to get sex from you, then leave when they get bored of you.
A film I watched showed that briefly. A girl a guy took interested in, in his club. She was shy, quiet and insecure. He flirted with her, and she told him there's tons of better looking girls around. He turned on the charm. They had sex, then he was finished with her afterward. She comments how he gave her a rose, and he says he'll give one to another girl tomorrow.
So, guys will sleep with insecure girls, but don't want them long term-if you're lucky you may find a great guy, but you'll probably go through tons of bad ones first. . Everyone has insecurities. but when it becomes very pronounced, it's bad. My friend is insecure, but she's not moping around and to herself all the time. And in turn, she got herself a nice boyfriend who's liked her for years.
Start loving your self first. I think the guys who ever comes to you might notice that you are looking for an attention, don't let that happen. And cool down. Don't think much negative.
If you have low self-esteem, it could be you give off that vibe, without knowing it.
So, the jerks figure you'll be easy to impress and seduce, because...
More to the point... the jerks are all who are left.
The guys who "get it" have moved on.
I would suspect it's how you carry yourself, your body language, demeanor and the vibe you give off. As a woman, I've never in my life attracted players or losers, in fact they always seem to recoil from them. Probably because I avoid those types like the plague. If you are attracted to intelligent, educated and nice guys, that will speak volumes and they will reciprocate your interest.
Are you sure you're not attracted to the bad boys? Plenty of women with low self-esteem go after these guys. You also have to stop being so needy. Do some introspective thinking and figure out why you're so desperate for a man. That alone is a massive turn off. If you can't be happy alone or by yourself, others won't be able to stand you either.
It takes some practice to learn how to handle relationships.
Talk to other girls. When you meet a guy, ask around about him. How did he treat the last girl he dated? Does he have someone new every week/month? If you think he might be into someone else, talk to her. Find out if there is something there.
I would suspect it's how you carry yourself, your body language, demeanor and the vibe you give off. As a woman, I've never in my life attracted players or losers, in fact they always seem to recoil from them. Probably because I avoid those types like the plague. If you are attracted to intelligent, educated and nice guys, that will speak volumes and they will reciprocate your interest.
Are you sure you're not attracted to the bad boys? Plenty of women with low self-esteem go after these guys. You also have to stop being so needy. Do some introspective thinking and figure out why you're so desperate for a man. That alone is a massive turn off. If you can't be happy alone or by yourself, others won't be able to stand you either.
I'm a confident, well-educated, financially independent woman and I still manage to find all the dirtbags. They're intelligent and well-educated, but they're still players and users who seem nice at first. I have a very nice life and am not desperate, though I do get lonely at times. A few weeks ago I started therapy to figure out why I attract all these users, but my therapist and I haven't come up with anything other than I just have bad luck with men. So, OP, I understand what you're going through and can relate.
We all have insecurities, even the players, but don't let allow them to control your self-esteem. Only you can control it. They're the valueless ones, not you. I know my value, even if they don't. As far as I'm concerned, when they disappear it's their loss, not mine. Just keep your head up and keep trying.
I really don't think there is any real clear cut answer....
A lot of people will say: "Oh it's how you carry yourself, you are what you attract, you need to love yourself first, ect." While there is SOME truth, it still doesn't explain why you attract certain people. It may be bad luck with men, but there are A LOT of players out there, as well as good men.
It may not be you, it could just be you have to go through bad apples in order to get to the good ones. Lot's of people tell me all the time I am good girl, and he'll come along eventually but players still come after to me. I think they go after all women. It's just a matter of time, so don't think too hard on what's wrong with you, but getting comfortable enough with yourself to the point where a romantic relationship doesn't weigh heavy on your mind wouldn't hurt.
Don't let her confidence plummet because you haven't had much luck with men, that is the absolute worst thing that you can do. My confidence isn't the best all the time, but my problem is I hardly ever am attracted to the guys who are attracted to me. Most of them are pretty successful, kind, and genuine but my heart is never in it really. It's usually pretty quiet in there lol. I do get lonely as well because I feel like I just can't fall for anyone.
The guys I have liked only were interested in hitting and quitting and I don't have time for that. My romantic ventures have always been one sided so I understand how you feel about an endless cycle. Also, don't focus so much on other people's relationships, it'll make you feel worse. It definitely won't help your self esteem either. Take some time off and stay away from people for a while.
You said everything that is wrong. You already know your own issues, low self esteem...neediness....this is attracting those type ppl...That is half the battle...Smart Girl! You just need to find out how to fix this.
I would suggest that you spend at least 6 months, just getting to know about you. Join some groups, and some activities that let you grow as a person, so that you will know yourself better. There are often support groups in our communities....check your local newspaper.
Seriously, if you stop looking, that is when the magic happens for you. Develop your own self-esteem.....do things that please you....do things to help others, like volunteering.....You will be surprised how much volunteering anywhere makes us feel better about ourselves.
Sit down and write out the things that interest you, or that you love doing.....Maybe it is dogs....Perhaps you could volunteer at a rescue to walk dogs. Or, you love to read...volunteer at your local library.....Garden....volunteer at your community garden...etc.etc. You will grow so much, and you will become happier inside. Happy pople draw happy people to thmselves, without even trying.
What will happen is you will enjoy yourself, you will be less focused on finding a guy....who doesn't deserve you anyway.....and you might make friends, new ones......because you'll be around folks that like what you like. It is a win win situation.
I wish you good luck and peace within.
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