Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, prude covers it for me. Just the phrasing "giving it up" is just so odd to me. What am I giving up? I'm not diminished in any way. It's just the sharing of a, hopefully mutually enjoyable, experience. Giving up seems like something is lost to the other party, as opposed to both gained.
It is different, that is for sure.
I should re-phrase...most women don't like the idea of having sex with someone after just a few dates. I guess they feel they have to "give it up". Not the best choice of words, I agree lol
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,020,723 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123
I should re-phrase...most women don't like the idea of having sex with someone after just a few dates. I guess they feel they have to "give it up". Not the best choice of words, I agree lol
I understand you want things to function your way, but if they're not turning out that way, maybe the way you need to reassess. Perhaps the way you want things is not the way the world works. Just sayin'.
Or hey, maybe people don't feel they have to provide sex automatically, as a public service, like a park's facilities? They have sex when the mood is there, and they like the person a LOT, and don't expect an automatic ring on their finger afterwards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Very true. It's not a big deal in much of the world. Seriously, we're pretty much prudes in the U.S.
The thing is, i ve never heard of the waiting thing. I mean, i did heard about it in high school, but not from adult people. Here normally sex come first and then you see what goes on? I guess its a cultural thing?
I mean with my 2 most serious relationships (5 years and 7 years) i slept with them right away and they commited to me right afterwards too, the early sex wasnt a factor, and i ve never heard from a relationship in where it was a factor, you know? like some guy not commiting to a girl cause she slept with him too fast? Maybe the other way around...if you go out with someone and a X amount of time pass and you still didnt sleep together...thats seen as weird and as a deal breaker, but sleeping before commiting? thats the normal thing.
For me it makes sense cause i seriously need to know if i have sexual chemistry with the guy before knowing if i want to be in a relationship with him.
Its not like im a liberal girl or that i sleep around, actually, i ve slept with far less people than most women my age, you could say im a conservative almost. But sleeping in the 3rd date doesnt seem quick at all to me, and sleeping before commiting only seems logical.
I guess USA and ARG are very different societies in this respect
My guess is, you have aged out of sex automatically becoming a committed relationship. That works in your 20s, men will commit to a 22 year old who he finds hot and sexually compatible. But as you age (and the men you date age) sex just isn't enough to make a man commit to you. I am guessing you are in your 30s or older?
As we can see, you are indeed in the position in which sex comes first then you see where it goes... but you aren't willing to see where it goes because you want a man to be your boyfriend after a mere two weeks. You have to own it, that a guy will easily shag you without ever wanting anything more than a FB type situation, or you have to slow your roll a bit and get to at least know whether a man is interested in something more. Otherwise, we will see you on your next thread...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,020,723 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua
Or hey, maybe people don't feel they have to provide sex automatically, as a public service, like a park's facilities? They have sex when the mood is there, and they like the person a LOT, and don't expect an automatic ring on their finger afterwards.
I never stated nor implied people should do it when they don't feel like doing it, or FOR someone else's pleasure. No one "has" to provide sex... even the term "provide" shows a similar mentality as the term "giving". People don't "provide" sex unless they're a prostitute.
The vast majority of people I know, and I think the majority of people in general, have immediate attraction to someone or they don't. They also really really like sex. That is different, of course, from knowing whether the person is suitable from dating or a LTR.
Well, prude covers it for me. Just the phrasing "giving it up" is just so odd to me. What am I giving up? I'm not diminished in any way. It's just the sharing of a, hopefully mutually enjoyable, experience. Giving up seems like something is lost to the other party, as opposed to both gained.
Exactly!!
I dont understand that expression, and i also dont understand the view of it as "women" giving something to "men". Like if we didnt enjoy it and want it, too.
Also, in what world women want to have boyfriends and men dont wanna have girlfriends? as far as i know, both men and women like to fall in love and be in good relationships, equally.
My guess is, you have aged out of sex automatically becoming a committed relationship. That works in your 20s, men will commit to a 22 year old who he finds hot and sexually compatible. But as you age (and the men you date age) sex just isn't enough to make a man commit to you. I am guessing you are in your 30s or older?
As we can see, you are indeed in the position in which sex comes first then you see where it goes... but you aren't willing to see where it goes because you want a man to be your boyfriend after a mere two weeks. You have to own it, that a guy will easily shag you without ever wanting anything more than a FB type situation, or you have to slow your roll a bit and get to at least know whether a man is interested in something more. Otherwise, we will see you on your next thread...
Fair enough, i might be getting very anxious.
And, yeah, im not in my 20s, im 31.
Having said all this, things with this guy are still going great, he will take me out to eat again tomorrow, and i guess what i learned from this thread is that i have to relax and see where this goes. Im not a kid and i ve had LTR and casual relationships too, and, from what this guy is SHOWING me, he is not just interested in sex. Believe me i ve been with men like that, this guy calls me everynight, want to take me out to do things with me, and just doesnt seem the type. I know what a guy that "just wants sex" behave like, and its definetely not like this. This guy behaves like he is courting me and trying to impress me all the time. And thats great. And it makes me anxious, too. And im starting to really like him and i get a bit scared, too. Thats what this thread is about, actually. Normal doubts of a relationship thats just starting.
I dont understand that expression, and i also dont understand the view of it as "women" giving something to "men". Like if we didnt enjoy it and want it, too.
Also, in what world women want to have boyfriends and men dont wanna have girlfriends? as far as i know, both men and women like to fall in love and be in good relationships, equally.
Sophie, in Arg/So. America, is sex viewed as anything special between 2 people? In THIS world there are MANY men who want sex and don't want a girlfriend and there are many women who want sex and don't want a boyfriend. It's called being someone's f*ck buddy or "friend with benefits". For some people, sex is something intimate and special and having sex with every one they meet after the 2nd or 3rd date is unheard of and not normal. For many people, sex comes AFTER they've determined if they want to be in a relationship--it's not the prerequisite BEFORE determining if they want a relationship with that person.
People need to at least know one another. Not to be crude or belabor the point, but if I'm going to spread my legs, it's going to be with my gynecologist for a check-up, or with somebody I already know I really, really like. "Really liking" is not just a matter of liking him physically. It doesn't take a mere 5 minutes. It takes knowing something about the man. Who is he? How does he react in certain circumstances? What's his background? What's his family like? Does he have a job? Has he studied something? Is he kind? Behind the first date façade, who is this guy really? That sort of thing.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. But sleeping in the 3rd date doesnt seem quick at all to me, and sleeping before commiting only seems logical.
