Letting Non-Immediate Family Members Live With You? (marriage, love, husband)
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I'm looking for some advice on a situation my husband and I have found ourselves in.
My husband and I just got married this August. We are building a 5 bedroom home in a suburb outside of the city. It will be 4200 sq. ft. when completed and for the first few years it'll just be the two of us living in it. Hubby is 30 and I am 25, we want kids, but want to wait a few years to pay down the mortgage and settle down a bit more. Eventually, many of those rooms are going to be for our children. Hubby and I worked hard to save up money to build the house, he is an engineer and has been saving for 7 years and I have a masters in economics and have been saving for the last 2 years.
The issues is that my 25 year old cousin keeps dropping hints that she can move into one of the bedrooms in our house. She is under the impression that once it’s completed she can choose a bedroom and live with us! She and I are very close, she's my best friend here. I love her and care about her but I don't want to enable her or place a burden on my marriage. She is barely making enough to pay rent and so she lives at home with her parents, her sister and brother-in-law, and 2 nephews in 2400 sq. ft. ranch house. While I understand that is not an ideal living situation, I also don't feel that obligates hubby and I to let her move in with us. We have worked hard for this home. We want our space and privacy to enjoy it as we see fit and do whatever the heck we want, whenever we want, in as little clothing as we want...before the kids get here. We’re newlyweds and this is our dream house for us to start our family in, not a starter/hostel/community living/shared rental property.
Construction will complete in February and I need to find a nice way to tell her no, she can't move in. Even if she did move in, I have lived with close friends in the past in college and it has never ended well. I don't want to say she's trying to freeload, but we really never extended an invitation to her to move in with us and I don’t know where she got the idea in her head!! How do I politely explain that we want our space/privacy to be married before kids, and that being around each other too much & discussing money/rent would hurt our close friendship? I feel like anyway I bring this up will really hurt her feelings and create tension!
TLDR: Dear cousin wants to move into home with us newlyweds without invitation, we want to politely say no to her without damaging friendship.
I'm looking for some advice on a situation my husband and I have found ourselves in.
My husband and I just got married this August. We are building a 5 bedroom home in a suburb outside of the city. It will be 4200 sq. ft. when completed and for the first few years it'll just be the two of us living in it. Hubby is 30 and I am 25, we want kids, but want to wait a few years to pay down the mortgage and settle down a bit more. Eventually, many of those rooms are going to be for our children. Hubby and I worked hard to save up money to build the house, he is an engineer and has been saving for 7 years and I have a masters in economics and have been saving for the last 2 years.
The issues is that my 25 year old cousin keeps dropping hints that she can move into one of the bedrooms in our house. She is under the impression that once it’s completed she can choose a bedroom and live with us! She and I are very close, she's my best friend here. I love her and care about her but I don't want to enable her or place a burden on my marriage. She is barely making enough to pay rent and so she lives at home with her parents, her sister and brother-in-law, and 2 nephews in 2400 sq. ft. ranch house. While I understand that is not an ideal living situation, I also don't feel that obligates hubby and I to let her move in with us. We have worked hard for this home. We want our space and privacy to enjoy it as we see fit and do whatever the heck we want, whenever we want, in as little clothing as we want...before the kids get here. We’re newlyweds and this is our dream house for us to start our family in, not a starter/hostel/community living/shared rental property.
Construction will complete in February and I need to find a nice way to tell her no, she can't move in. Even if she did move in, I have lived with close friends in the past in college and it has never ended well. I don't want to say she's trying to freeload, but we really never extended an invitation to her to move in with us and I don’t know where she got the idea in her head!! How do I politely explain that we want our space/privacy to be married before kids, and that being around each other too much & discussing money/rent would hurt our close friendship? I feel like anyway I bring this up will really hurt her feelings and create tension!
TLDR: Dear cousin wants to move into home with us newlyweds without invitation, we want to politely say no to her without damaging friendship.
Thanks!!
Just keep mentioning that you and the husband will be breaking in each and every room in the house (repeatedly, with newlywed fervor).
You haven't learned much about marriage yet, have you?
The answer is simple. Tell your cousin you suggested it to your husband but he completely shot down the idea. Nothing would change his mind. But she can come visit for a few days sometime in the future.
Optional, but not required: Tell your husband about the plan.
If you let her move in, you will never get rid of her.
Be direct and tell her you do not wish to share your marriage with her. She can stay with her mommy & daddy.
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