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He has always been this way, been together 10 years. I was just stupid and blind in the beginning
A lot of people around here are going to be quick to tell you to divorce and take him to the cleaners.
You've been together 10 years. So that probably means you're at least 28, assuming you didn't get together when you were 16 or something.
You really don't want to get back into dating at this age and with a divorce under your belt. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, you will NEVER have as easy of a time with it as you had from 16-24.
You need to communicate and work this crap out. No blame, no finger pointing, if he says that you do something he doesn't like then accept it and figure out how to fix it. He needs to do the same thing. Try not to phrase things in a way that puts the other person on the defensive (this goes for BOTH parties), because this will cause even more fighting.
People can change, but they have to WANT to. I can't change you, you can't change your husband. Even Marine Corps drill instructors can't change a recruit that wants to be a lazy sack of slob, and prison guards, wardens, counselors, etc, can't change an inmate that wants to be a criminal sack of filth their entire life. The latter two examples can make his life a living nightmare, but they can't change him.
Leave him to handle his own affairs if he wants to act like a jerk everytime you try help him. Why did you have to say anything to the MD or even go to the appt with him? Isn't he a grown-up adult man?
You really don't want to get back into dating at this age and with a divorce under your belt. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, you will NEVER have as easy of a time with it as you had from 16-24.
.
Seriously? I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than put up with the OP's husband. Yes, bad on her for overlooking this when they were first dating, but that's no reason to live like this for 40 more years. There are worse things than being single...
Leave him to handle his own affairs if he wants to act like a jerk everytime you try help him. Why did you have to say anything to the MD or even go to the appt with him? Isn't he a grown-up adult man?
I tried to tell him I did not want to accompany him to the appt. because I would feel like his Mother, but he insisted I go. I need to let him take care of himself and quit trying to help, it just causes conflict in the end.
A lot of people around here are going to be quick to tell you to divorce and take him to the cleaners.
You've been together 10 years. So that probably means you're at least 28, assuming you didn't get together when you were 16 or something.
You really don't want to get back into dating at this age and with a divorce under your belt. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, you will NEVER have as easy of a time with it as you had from 16-24.
You need to communicate and work this crap out. No blame, no finger pointing, if he says that you do something he doesn't like then accept it and figure out how to fix it. He needs to do the same thing. Try not to phrase things in a way that puts the other person on the defensive (this goes for BOTH parties), because this will cause even more fighting.
People can change, but they have to WANT to. I can't change you, you can't change your husband. Even Marine Corps drill instructors can't change a recruit that wants to be a lazy sack of slob, and prison guards, wardens, counselors, etc, can't change an inmate that wants to be a criminal sack of filth their entire life. The latter two examples can make his life a living nightmare, but they can't change him.
If I would have opened my eyes during the dating phase, I would have seen he is just like his father and would have not made the choice to get married. I know that people only change when they themselves want to. I do need to work on my approach with him, i realize it is putting him in defense mode. I need to approach him without making him defensive and lay it all out and leave it up to him from there. He is a hard worker and does a great job of contributing financially and is great about helping around the house, but that could be due to his perfectionist mentality. I just need to put my emotional and mental well-being at the top of my priorities I guess.
Seriously? I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than put up with the OP's husband. Yes, bad on her for overlooking this when they were first dating, but that's no reason to live like this for 40 more years. There are worse things than being single...
Absolutely. Personally I love being single, and I won't tolerate bad behavior from a woman for 40 SECONDS.
But.
Maybe she does want to keep the marriage. Maybe HE wants to remain with her. And maybe, just maybe he's one of the type that can have a sitdown and an honest look and talk about the situation, and fix it. Also, we're getting exactly one side of this, and we all know there are at least two sides to everything.
I tried to tell him I did not want to accompany him to the appt. because I would feel like his Mother, but he insisted I go. I need to let him take care of himself and quit trying to help, it just causes conflict in the end.
You know how you're trying to tell your husband he is responsible for his own actions? Read the above, and then apply to yourself too.
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Amitriptyline is an anti-depressant. Anger and belligerence can be signs of depression in men. Maybe you should have him evaluated. He may benefit from psychotherapy, and eventually wouldn't need anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs, and the migraines could resolve with better stress-management skills. It also sounds like you two need counseling. It's hard to believe you've put up with this for 10 years.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 06-18-2014 at 11:39 AM..
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