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There are probably a lot of reasons. It could be the guy is creepy. It could be the guy finds her attractive and figures it doesn't hurt to try. It could be that he's hoping she's into older men.
I'm 41 and know that if I'm ever on the market again that a lot of men my age will want younger and more attractive. I'll have more options if I'm open to someone older. I'm sure a lot of older men know this too because to them, I'm a younger woman even if I'm not young enough for someone my own age.
Editing to change "more attractive" to "more youthful looking." Attractiveness is all subjective anyway.
I think the real problem is the complaining about it part.
I don't think anyone needs to adjust their expectations....as long as they realize that they might be alone a while before they get what they want, if they continue to be very choosy. If that's a problem for them, THEN they need to adjust expectations.
A person has a right to be alone if they want, waiting for the perfect partner that meets all of their requirements. Each of us has that prerogative. Some people are perfectly OK on their own. Those that aren't, simply cannot be as picky. No one is obligated to settle, if they would rather not.
I think adjusting expectations is needed when a person doesn't want to be alone. If a person is happy being alone while waiting for the person who meets all their criteria that is fine. I have a friend who has just turned 40, and she desperately wants to meet "the one". But, her expectations are so high, I don't think anyone will ever meet anyone who could potentially be LTR material (it's also compounded that she believes that they must come to her, but that's another discussion). So she is alone and while she doesn't complain about it much, she's unhappy being alone.
I see many people in a similar situation where they want to with someone but won't let go of unrealistic expectations.
She'll tell him to ask for sex those who are desperate enough. I do that. But you probably would not understand that, for for most it is about bed and looks. On the older guys thing; should they be equally judgemental of their looks, once their own age women are too old, what are they then to 10-15 old younger women? Super old. And a safe option. Which I am not keen to make.. Ouch 😀
I think adjusting expectations is needed when a person doesn't want to be alone. If a person is happy being alone while waiting for the person who meets all their criteria that is fine.
People mistakenly believe that there is only a binary option when it comes to relationships: paired up, or being alone.
People also mistakenly believe that you are either searching for someone, or not.
People further mistakenly believe that being paired up will make you happier than being "alone".
There is another option to all this.
You discover that you are the one who can make you happy, not someone else. And that so long as you are in the driver's seat in leading your life's direction, fulfillment, and happiness, it doesn't matter whether you are paired up or "alone".
You also discover that the "in between" periods of time doesn't have to be a desperate search from "the right one", it can be a fully satisfying period of enjoy your time with friends, family, and multiple dates.
You further discover that there is no need for "commitment" and life is just as good if you are spending time with someone else and enjoying the time together while it lasts. And if it ends, well at least you had a positive experience until the next one comes along.
The real problem people have with understanding this age difference dating is that most people have this fixed idea that all relationships should be permanent in nature and last for the remainder of their life. Once you accept the temporary nature of these types of relationships, what your friends, family and other think becomes much less important because it is all about this hear and now: does this person make you happy? do you like spending time with them? Is it good for you in that they bring value to your life and vice versa? Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
Last edited by hankmoody; 01-20-2016 at 11:30 AM..
People mistakenly believe that there is only a binary option when it comes to relationships: paired up, or being alone.
People also mistakenly believe that you are either searching for someone, or not.
People further mistakenly believe that being paired up will make you happier than being "alone".
There is another option to all this.
You discover that you are the one who can make you happy, not someone else. And that so long as you are in the driver's seat in leading your life's direction, fulfillment, and happiness, it doesn't matter whether you are paired up or "alone".
You also discover that the "in between" periods of time doesn't have to be a desperate search from "the right one", it can be a fully satisfying period of enjoy your time with friends, family, and multiple dates.
You further discover that there is no need for "commitment" and life is just as good if you are spending time with someone else and enjoying the time together while it lasts. And if it ends, well at least you had a positive experience until the next one comes along.
I definitely prefer this kind of thinking.
My point is we get a lot of people very bitter about their solitude, usually it's men and usually they are angry that women are so "picky" that they are being passed over. The prevailing theory being that all women are competing for the top 10% of good looking and/or wealthy men, and the other 90% of men just don't have a chance. This is cop-out thinking for men who don't want to own up to the reasons they aren't attracting what they want, and aren't willing to find a place of peace and fulfillment within themselves, independent of a woman. Feminists theorize that this is a patriarchial social construct, where boys are raised with bombardment of messages that a man who is doing right with his life is automatically issued a pretty woman to be his mate. All of the "save the princess" constructs, movie paradigms, and classic tales...the hero gets the girl. Thus men come to adulthood with the concept of entitlement that once they have established themselves as the hero in their own tale, the woman is part of the benefits package. As opposed to an actual human being with agency to make choices, who may or may not prefer him based on whatever factors are meaningful to her...
And thus when men don't succeed with women, they feel that the universe is giving them a message of no value, no worth (you're not the hero, you're the npc!), and they become defensive about it. Look for excuses, the game is rigged, it's not fair, certainly not my fault. When the real solution is self-awareness, reflection, and changing unhealthy thought patterns of dependency...and patience. Of course as soon as one realizes that one does not NEED a significant other, willing candidates often seemingly appear from nowhere to pay court to the confident and self-realized man.
This brings me full circle to a big reason I like older gentlemen...they have often had the years to work out many of these life lessons on their own. The one I'm with now, we both know that I would not have liked him at all when he was a younger man. He is a much wiser, more self aware, and more emotionally healthy and mature person at this stage in his life. Of course not all older men are, but for those who are going to get the wisdom, one need not sit around waiting for it to happen if one seeks a partner who is further up the path.
Primal/animal instincts where the young female was more likely to be able to produce offspring and is full of life etc etc, has better physical features and probably more attractive than older women.
The need to procreate is deep down in our genes that pushes older men to seek younger, partners.
Primal/animal instincts where the young female was more likely to be able to produce offspring and is full of life etc etc, has better physical features and probably more attractive than older women.
The need to procreate is deep down in our genes that pushes older men to seek younger, partners.
But then how do you account for that "fertile" age continually changing as the guy gets older...? IOW, you'll see a 30-year-old saying a 20-year-old is hot, a 40-year-old saying he'd love somebody late 20s, a 60-year-old saying he just has to have that 40-year-old. They can't ALL be the "most" fertile times. And magically that "fertile age" seems to go up and up and up as the guy himself gets older and older and older.
Not 100% of the time but often enough that you have to realize it's not evolution (entirely) at work here but just the psychology of "somebody younger." Whether "younger" (than the guy in question) is 20, 30, 40 or 50 or even more.
And no, it can't necessarily be "well, unless he's rich he can't get a woman THAT much younger so he has to 'settle' for 15-20 years younger" because again...if it literally were biology, specifically the fertility of the woman in question, then the man wouldn't be attracted to that woman less than 15-20 years younger (depending upon his own current age)...period. (Because isn't his body just screaming at him that she's just not fertile enough to deliver a bunch of children with his genes?) Ergo, he wouldn't bother asking her out. His hand would be just as attractive and much cheaper, let's put it that way.
IMO it points at least as much to "if I can get a 'younger' woman [than I] then I must still 'have it'" and "if I can get a 'younger' woman than the other guys will be jealous and think I'm a stud" as it does to actual biology. It's sort of: "If I'm 60 and can only get a 60-year-old, then ZOMG, I must actually be 60 and not 40!" Um duh. Yup, indeed you are. Sorry...?
Biology must be a factor, it is in general, but I think some guys fall back on it too much as their excuse to cover their own insecurities driving this "I HAVE to have a 'younger' woman" thing.
Also...I do get quite a "see how THEY like it NOW" vibe from more than a few guys here and I think someone even outright stated it (something along the lines of: he can't feel sorry for the woman now when perhaps she was someone who denied him in the past).
I think that plays a BIG part in this...for SOME guys...definitely not all, let me make that clear. But that faction is there and it just calls itself out, it's impossible to hide.
I mean you can see it when there's...I guess almost an anger against a woman the guy's age wanting to go out with him and not someone 20 years older than she is. HOW DARE SHE, she's supposed to be sitting down crying now realizing she can't get anyone except her grandfather as payback for formerly having been very hot AND young. Who the hell does she think she is, expecting to go out with a man her own age when she's (??? Um?) so old? She said no *once* to you, now she deserves to live *the rest of her life* alone and sad or else diapering some codger twice her age. Ha ha, in your face, Granny.
You even see a few younger guys rubbing their hands together looking forward to "payback time" and the utter deliciousness of how these girls today will be sobbing all alone with their cats tomorrow.
Not very reasonable and rather on the sick side but yeah. It's in there for some guys, and it shows.
But then how do you account for that "fertile" age continually changing as the guy gets older...? IOW, you'll see a 30-year-old saying a 20-year-old is hot, a 40-year-old saying he'd love somebody late 20s, a 60-year-old saying he just has to have that 40-year-old. They can't ALL be the "most" fertile times. And magically that "fertile age" seems to go up and up and up as the guy himself gets older and older and older.
Not 100% of the time but often enough that you have to realize it's not evolution (entirely) at work here but just the psychology of "somebody younger." Whether "younger" (than the guy in question) is 20, 30, 40 or 50 or even more.
And no, it can't necessarily be "well, unless he's rich he can't get a woman THAT much younger so he has to 'settle' for 15-20 years younger" because again...if it literally were biology, specifically the fertility of the woman in question, then the man wouldn't be attracted to that woman less than 15-20 years younger (depending upon his own current age)...period. (Because isn't his body just screaming at him that she's just not fertile enough to deliver a bunch of children with his genes?) Ergo, he wouldn't bother asking her out. His hand would be just as attractive and much cheaper, let's put it that way.
IMO it points at least as much to "if I can get a 'younger' woman [than I] then I must still 'have it'" and "if I can get a 'younger' woman than the other guys will be jealous and think I'm a stud" as it does to actual biology.
Biology must be a factor, it is in general, but I think some guys fall back on it too much as their excuse to cover their own insecurities driving this "I HAVE to have a 'younger' woman" thing.
It's difficult for many to accept that young women are universally physically attractive to all men, it is the most basic core factor of human evolution. As a species, humans would not exists if we were not hard wired for reproduction. It's not an option subject to social program. Thus, when a man gets an erection, it's fundamentally designed for mating to reproduce, not matter what his age. Men instinctive are visually cued to look at younger "fertile" women, just is.
However, much of this relationship talk is more than reproduction. It's companionship, mutual support, non-reproduction sex, etc. That's where the social program and rules come in, such as "why is he with her?", "who is 'right' for you?", etc.
But don't kid yourself into thinking physical attraction is a social construct, like you can convince a man to get an erection for something other than health young females. For example, I am unable to get an erection for overweight, "ugly" and older women, and I'm not interested in taking a blue pill to make it happen either. Yet this is different from saying that they couldn't not be great companions, friends and "lovers". Of course, there are deviations from the rule, such as homosexuality, but not the "norm"
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Yup, indeed you are. Sorry...? 