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Back when I was single I dated A LOT and there was just no chemistry. The women I met were nice enough for short conversations or casual friendship but the chemistry and attraction was seriously missing. This went on for eight years of dating until I finally met my wife.
Now that I am married I interact with women all the time that are very attractive to me who I would have loved to date if I were single. Lots of very strong attraction on both sides. Nothing happens because I am seriously in love with my wife but where were these women when I was dating and single?
One woman who is a neighbor is a perfect example. We met at the pool and we talked and talked and I was so attracted to her personality and her appearance. It was instant attraction and we felt like we knew each other for years even though we just met. So much chemistry.
For whatever reason, married men and men in relationships almost always appear more attractive to women. I think it's the same logic that employers use when they prefer an employed person as opposed to an unemployed person.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4DM1N
. I think it's the same logic that employers use when they prefer an employed person as opposed to an unemployed person.
And it is perfectly logical. A single person or a unemployed person is more likely to (I'm not saying they always do, they don't) come across as desperate. Desperation isn't attractive in potential lovers or employees.
And it is perfectly logical. A single person or a unemployed person is more likely to (I'm not saying they always do, they don't) come across as desperate. Desperation isn't attractive in potential lovers or employees.
I don't think that's it.
A desperate candidate (assuming they have the desired skill set and experience) would likely be willing to work harder for less.
I think it has more to do with, "hey, they have a job/partner, they must be doing something right". Still a flawed mentality and not sound logic at all, but it's the way people think nonetheless.
You've admittedly never been married or tied up in anything long term or too serious. Do you think you come across as desperate?
Yes I have thought that for about a second. Then I remember that I don't know the person at all and know i have chemistry with my husband. It's easy to have surface chemistry. Especially when both people are unavailable so you are just left to wonder about the person. They may be totally boring or annoying or just not compatible after a couple of dates.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I've been in multiple long term relationships and have lived with people for years (and have been engaged one, I consider that serious). Not sure where you're getting that information from.
But I've rarely in my adult life never had at least one lover, so that helps not coming across as desperate, yes. When I didn't have at least a FB or FWB or two, yes, it hurt how the opposite gender reacted to me, probably because I wasn't getting it on the regular and that shined through.
I've been in multiple long term relationships and have lived with people for years (and have been engaged, that was quite serious). Not sure where you're getting that information from.
But I've rarely in my adult life never had at least one lover, so that helps not coming across as desperate, yes. When I didn't have at least a FB or FWB or two, yes, it hurt how the opposite gender reacted to me, probably because I wasn't getting it on the regular and that shined through.
Ok. I'd figure women would find more issue with that than just being single. Like what's wrong with this guy? Why has he had so many partners and not been able to commit to a single one of them? You might come across as a "playa" to them.
Edited to add: I speak from my own first hand experience on this one. I know my friends assume I'm a "Casanova" for dating around and not being married in my late 20s. But it's something I never would have considered myself as.
I think it has to do with the broadening of my understanding of who would make a good potential partner, for me.
I've always tried to tell people that being married does not magically take away your ability to feel attracted to other people. That's why commitment truly is a choice you make every day.
I don't like the poll choices, though. I wouldn't say, "Where were you when I was single?" I just notice it and move on.
Back when I was single I dated A LOT and there was just no chemistry. The women I met were nice enough for short conversations or casual friendship but the chemistry and attraction was seriously missing. This went on for eight years of dating until I finally met my wife.
Now that I am married I interact with women all the time that are very attractive to me who I would have loved to date if I were single. Lots of very strong attraction on both sides. Nothing happens because I am seriously in love with my wife but where were these women when I was dating and single?
One woman who is a neighbor is a perfect example. We met at the pool and we talked and talked and I was so attracted to her personality and her appearance. It was instant attraction and we felt like we knew each other for years even though we just met. So much chemistry.
Please take my poll and discuss.
These two things just don't seem to belong together. I don't believe being seriously in love with someone will allow you to form instant chemistry with someone else.
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