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Because even the most insecure of women can reject a man with just a click of a button.
One wrong word in his profile.....rejected.
Wrong occupation.....rejected.
Not so good introductory message.....rejected
Profile pic not up to par with her liking.....rejected.
Very easy to sit back and pick people off behind a computer screen.
I think most guys would do have a much easier time if they improved their communication skills a bit, work on their confidence, and just went out and introduced themselves face to face with women.
A woman cannot judge how great of a guy you are based off of a computer profile.
The original question wasn't about "chemistry" or optimal online strategies. It was about the perceived (or real?) disparity between the number of men vs. women online. And it's an excellent question!
Reading through the various responses, and extracting just the conjectures on male/female disparity in online dating, we have:
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
Supply and demand.
...Men usually outnumber women anywhere people are looking to meet romantically.
Quote:
Originally Posted by remoddahouse
Demographics of internet use. More men are online. Even a small imbalance leads to one side having a big advantage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
... Men, even married men, join dating sites and send messages to every attractive woman they see. ...Over time, this'll cause a lot of women to leave the site, causing the ratio of men to women to become skewed. ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dig In
Hot men(and women as well) generally aren't on OLD. They have enough options IRL. If you have enough people approaching you or wanting to meet you off the computer, there's really no need to resort to OLD.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cbluciano
There's much more of a stigma attached to women even joining online dating sites. ....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yshudicare
Men are taught to pursue. Women are taught to wait...
My attempt at a synthesis:
If men do the pursuing, and women remain the pursued, then it would be crass and unfeminine for women to advertise online, for so doing is a form of pursuit, even if they don't initiate messages themselves. The online stigma is greater for women than for men. Further, women are more adept at social networking (the physical kind, not the online kind). It's therefore less necessary, and less acceptable, for an attractive/accomplished woman to pursue romantic opportunities online. This skews the online demographics amongst the women, towards the less attractive and less appealing; but not so, amongst men. The men online become frustrated with the paucity of options, becoming either desperate in their messages, or downright boorish. This further antagonizes women.
The solution, in my view, is to return to formal matchmaking services, where the male (who after all still shoulders the onus for initiating contact) hires a professional - not a coach, but an outright matchmaker. We buy houses via real-estate agents. Perhaps the approach to finding wives should be similar.
The solution, in my view, is to return to formal matchmaking services, where the male
These do exist, but they're very expensive.
Online dating is here to stay - It's already 20 years old, amazingly. Match.com started twenty (!) years ago. It's worked for enough people that enough will probably continue to try it. I do think that the future is with mobile apps, though, that use algorithms to act like a matchmaker. Writing a profile and composing a letter in response to it is very 20th century.
Ie: having Tinder connect through facebook but not post to facebook is brilliant. It eliminates a lot of the stigma associated with OLD.
I have been talking to a girl that I met online and she told me that since she signed up for OKCupid in June (so 2 months), she has received in excess of 700 messages and gets about 10-12 new messages each day. That's a lot for just 2 months. I get now what women just dont respond. She told me she has over 100 she has not even opened yet. She's even showed me several messages that men have written to her. Some are creepy, but some are very thoughtful and respectful. I didn't say anything, but I kinda felt bad after reading some because I am sure they are written with good intentions although they come across needy. A lot were just sappy nice cheesy messages.
The original question wasn't about "chemistry" or optimal online strategies. It was about the perceived (or real?) disparity between the number of men vs. women online. And it's an excellent question!
Reading through the various responses, and extracting just the conjectures on male/female disparity in online dating, we have:
My attempt at a synthesis:
If men do the pursuing, and women remain the pursued, then it would be crass and unfeminine for women to advertise online, for so doing is a form of pursuit, even if they don't initiate messages themselves. The online stigma is greater for women than for men. Further, women are more adept at social networking (the physical kind, not the online kind). It's therefore less necessary, and less acceptable, for an attractive/accomplished woman to pursue romantic opportunities online. This skews the online demographics amongst the women, towards the less attractive and less appealing; but not so, amongst men. The men online become frustrated with the paucity of options, becoming either desperate in their messages, or downright boorish. This further antagonizes women.
The solution, in my view, is to return to formal matchmaking services, where the male (who after all still shoulders the onus for initiating contact) hires a professional - not a coach, but an outright matchmaker. We buy houses via real-estate agents. Perhaps the approach to finding wives should be similar.
The matchmaker is still going to have to find single women who are willing to be matched, which is not all that unlike a woman signing up for online dating. I don't believe women are anymore adept at networking than men, and even if we are, then that only benefits us for meeting other women, since the men would not be pulling their end (and we have plenty of threads on THAT - offline, men don't seem to make a lot of moves unless given excessive reassurance of reciprocation).
I DO like the idea though, but not as a paid service. I think it would be better if it were practiced more as a cultural norm by wise people with good skills in these areas; something beyond friends & family just setting you up with whoever, but not a business either. After all, online dating is often FREE.
I have been talking to a girl that I met online and she told me that since she signed up for OKCupid in June (so 2 months), she has received in excess of 700 messages and gets about 10-12 new messages each day. That's a lot for just 2 months. I get now what women just dont respond. She told me she has over 100 she has not even opened yet. She's even showed me several messages that men have written to her. Some are creepy, but some are very thoughtful and respectful. I didn't say anything, but I kinda felt bad after reading some because I am sure they are written with good intentions although they come across needy. A lot were just sappy nice cheesy messages.
Yes, this is typical. Since you often can read the first few lines, then I don't bother even opening some. I just delete those with mediocre match, unappealing photo and/or no attempt at a good first message (and a brief message is okay!). There are some messages that are quite bizarre, yes. I've had more than one guy, in the span of a few days, begging me to take his virginity...
The matchmaker is still going to have to find single women who are willing to be matched, which is not all that unlike a woman signing up for online dating. I don't believe women are anymore adept at networking than men, and even if we are, then that only benefits us for meeting other women, since the men would not be pulling their end (and we have plenty of threads on THAT - offline, men don't seem to make a lot of moves unless given excessive reassurance of reciprocation).
I DO like the idea though, but not as a paid service. I think it would be better if it were practiced more as a cultural norm by wise people with good skills in these areas; something beyond friends & family just setting you up with whoever, but not a business either. After all, online dating is often FREE.
Most emphatically I agree that a "cultural norm" is preferable to a paid service. Too often, we in the modern world replace traditional methods with commercial ersatz. I much regret that we no longer have elderly persons in the community who serve as the social glue, who rummage and wander and gossip, who know everybody, and who can link potential suitors to potential brides.
It's also a good point that a matchmaking service would potentially be limited to those women who sign up for the service; that is, it matches male participants to female participants. This is undesirable, as we're just back to online dating, but now with an intermediary. Rather, I would prefer a matchmaking service that does research on available women, finds them and contacts them on my behalf... women who have zero reason or impetus to otherwise throw their names into the proverbial hat.
I've literally seen 100s and 100s of men, many good looking/cool guys who are able to have success in real life, say that the only way they got any responses at all online is to go after women way less attractive than themselves. That really seems to be the only way to succeed as a man in OLD - if you're good looking, fit, young, successful, go after 35 year old overweight moms
I've literally seen 100s and 100s of men, many good looking/cool guys who are able to have success in real life, say that the only way they got any responses at all online is to go after women way less attractive than themselves. That really seems to be the only way to succeed as a man in OLD - if you're good looking, fit, young, successful, go after 35 year old overweight moms
What causes the monstrous disparity?
Online dating is unnatural and is mainly a playground for players and women who either can't get a date in real life or are very h*rny. Men are far more visual than women, with that being said it provides a very easy ego stroking situation for women. For men however, since women now have all these options at the disposal of her fingertips it makes the value of the average man go down while the average women goes up. For example, a man that is a considered a 7/10 can be a 5/10 when it come to online. The women who are 5/10 are now 7/10 when it comes to online. This makes men more desperate, thus making them less attractive and giving women who aren't up to their standards more attention, and women raising their standards to a point from which they aren't even worth achieving.
The thought and feeling of having options is very very strong and should not be second guessed.
It's a paradox, a very mean one at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Symphony7X
but why are all these issues gender specific?
Why are most online dating sites overflowing with men? don't men and women both want to meet someone equally?
I blame television, social media, media in general, movies, and probably books. They portray men as these "saviors" that bow down to every women they meet, this is NOT how attraction works. Lack of real male guidance is very strong nowadays.
Lastly, just go out and approach girls in public. You can at least improve significantly that way instead of hiding behind a screen.
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