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I like this girl a lot and we have been dating for a couple months. However I figured out she lied to me 2-3 times about her personal life. She tried to hide it and thought I could not find out. So I was really upset and decided to cut contact with her completely even though she apologized to me.I intend to block her for at least 2 months. I wonder what is the appropriate length for the NC rule. I have started to miss talking to her just after one week. I want to forgive her this time and at least we can be friend again, however, I don't want her to see me as a weak and easy-manipulating person.
"No contact" usually is what you do when you're trying to GET RID of someone.
If you're just freezing her out to punish her for lying but intend to try to get back together with her, then you're being passive aggressive and need to stop.
If you like her, really like her, get over your miffedness and call her right now.
In two months, 60 days, you will be a fleeting memory for her if you aren't already. Tell her why you were upset and let it go. Get on with whatever relationship may occur.
If you like her, really like her, get over your miffedness and call her right now.
In two months, 60 days, you will be a fleeting memory for her if you aren't already. Tell her why you were upset and let it go. Get on with whatever relationship may occur.
I agree with this.
Don't hold onto silly arguments.
I am not sure the "lies" she told you. But its time to talk about those lies, what contributed to them, and how do we move forward so as I can trust you again.
These are things to talk about. She may not be willing to change, and then you can leave knowing you gave it your all, and she was just a *****.
I like this girl a lot and we have been dating for a couple months. However I figured out she lied to me 2-3 times about her personal life. She tried to hide it and thought I could not find out. So I was really upset and decided to cut contact with her completely even though she apologized to me.I intend to block her for at least 2 months. I wonder what is the appropriate length for the NC rule. I have started to miss talking to her just after one week. I want to forgive her this time and at least we can be friend again, however, I don't want her to see me as a weak and easy-manipulating person.
You either like her, or you don't. You sound as though you're applying a NC rule as a punishment, to cure her of her lying. It doesn't work that way. You either want to be with her, in spite of her lying, or you prefer a truthful, trustworthy partner. There's no in-between, and there's no coercing her to change her ways. She is who she is. Either accept her as she is, or move on to someone else.
You either like her, or you don't. You sound as though you're applying a NC rule as a punishment, to cure her of her lying. It doesn't work that way. You either want to be with her, in spite of her lying, or you prefer a truthful, trustworthy partner. There's no in-between, and there's no coercing her to change her ways. She is who she is. Either accept her as she is, or move on to someone else.
I believe he can explain to her how the lies hurt, and ask her to make positive changes to herself so that she doesn't need to feel compelled to lie again.
Most lies start out as "well if they knew this..... I just won't tell them because it'll hurt them". At least in many peoples heads I think thats the way it starts.
Of course we don't know what the lies are. If it was bad, it may not be worth a second try. I agree, he is punishing her with the no contact thing. Two months, she'll likely be moved on and you'll be wondering "what if" Never wonder what if, go find out.
"No contact" usually is what you do when you're trying to GET RID of someone.
If you're just freezing her out to punish her for lying but intend to try to get back together with her, then you're being passive aggressive and need to stop.
What did she lie about?
Well , one lie is about the money I lend her to pay for school supplies like a new laptop and expensive software , but I figured out she did not really need them and as usual she spent on clothes. But the money is still on my tolerant limit.
The other one is lying about her past relationship since she is also checking on her ex regularly, which she told me she does not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
You either like her, or you don't. You sound as though you're applying a NC rule as a punishment, to cure her of her lying. It doesn't work that way. You either want to be with her, in spite of her lying, or you prefer a truthful, trustworthy partner. There's no in-between, and there's no coercing her to change her ways. She is who she is. Either accept her as she is, or move on to someone else.
I don't want to really distance myself. We had been good friends before we started to date each other. That's why I want to forgive her this time and only this time. Yeah but I really have some confusion. A part of me tells me I should treat her as a closed friend only, but another part does not.
Well , one lie is about the money I lend her to pay for school supplies like a new laptop and expensive software , but I figured out she did not really need them and as usual she spent on clothes. But the money is still on my tolerant limit.
The other one is lying about her past relationship since she is also checking on her ex regularly, which she told me she does not.
Dude, these are red flags. Do you really want to have a LTR with this woman? Are you into women who sneak around behind your back with other dudes? Seriously? Why are you with her, anyway? You know there are women out there who don't sneak around, and aren't crazy with money, right?
I don't want to really distance myself. We had been good friends before we started to date each other.
Put her back in the friendzone, where she belongs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by razorleaf;
That's why I want to forgive her this time and only this time.
Do you think she'll stop lying, sneaking around, and spending your money on fluff stuff , just because you forgive her once? What happens the next time you find out she's lied? (There will be a next time, don't kid yourself.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by razorleaf;
Yeah but I really have some confusion. A part of me tells me I should treat her as a closed friend only, but another part does not.
Well , one lie is about the money I lend her to pay for school supplies like a new laptop and expensive software , but I figured out she did not really need them and as usual she spent on clothes. But the money is still on my tolerant limit.
The other one is lying about her past relationship since she is also checking on her ex regularly, which she told me she does not.
Ok, a little about me now.
When the woman I am with now started dating me, we dated for about 6 months. Then we split for about a month. We had a big argument because I had family that was causing her trouble in her personal life. I have since cut off communication with the family.
She saw a guy once, in that 2 month gap.
Now she didn't tell me the full details right away. At first he was just a "one night stand". Later it became someone she was friends with.
I laid out a clear line for her. I told her that he shouldn't contact her after working hours, as he worked for her family, and that I wanted her to make sure that he knew that their relationship was over. She basically just left him hanging when she started seeing me again.
Sex, does not mean anything to me. In fact, I have said I don't mind an open relationship, but she is the one who has decided only females, out of respect to me, and I'm pretty good in bed. The guy she saw was 24, and didn't know anything. She said the sex was more of a way to pay him back for being her friend.
At any rate, like I said, I told her no contact after 8PM, and no contact about anything work related, and she needed to deal with telling him, or I would.
A few months later, I saw that she had crossed some of the lines she had agreed not to cross with him. She didn't want to hurt him either, and she didn't cheat, but she did go and see him after work one day to drop some clothes off for his daughter. Trouble was, she didn't tell me.
Now we talked about this, had a big fight in fact, but after she calmed down, and I calmed down, she realized that her lie had hurt me, even as innocent as she thought it was.
We moved on. Life is great. We love each other, and she will never cross another line I ask her not to cross. If she has a problem with it when I say it, she will be open and honest, and has, about what she is willing and not willing to do.
He is gone, and not coming back anymore, because I did confront him as I told her I would. She got upset because then her father found out, and as such, made her feel like I betrayed her to her dad. Thats where the argument came from. I stood my ground though, as I felt I was right.
It is not always about ending a relationship. People make mistakes. Its hard not to check on an ex that you didn't end badly with, but you just weren't into as a couple. I have had that issue in the past myself, so I put myself in her shoes.
The moral to the story is, if there is love there, you should always try.
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