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This is what most women do. I'm sure most married guys you know are in your shoes. They just don't know it.
In any event, you don't want to lose half of your stuff (maybe more) over something that happened so long ago. You should look at your wife differently though. That's pretty disgusting that she did that.
"Most" women do not do this. Many do, but I don't use the term "most" unless the number is well over 50%. I don't believe that it is.
Generally, I'd say move on. Once your wife decided you were who she wanted to be with, we can assume from what I've read that she stopped sleeping with the other guy.
We don't "know" that for sure, but I'm not so misogynistic as to just assume as some of the posters here do that it means she's been screwing around all this time or even after the wedding.
Inviting the guy to the wedding? I agree that is disrespectful, in light of the facts. For me, if I had KNOWN when I married her that she used to bang this guy but no longer does, I'd probably have been OK with him being at the wedding, but in this case, I too would be pissed.
I guess I really just question why the OP's wife decided now was a good time to bring it up?
Did no one else notice this? Do either of you still have contact with this man?
To invite someone to your wedding that you have slept with, and not inform the spouse... just isn't acceptable in my book. I would be hurt by this more than being hurt by her sleeping with him at the same time as you.
I am with you on this one.
She let part of a skeleton out of her closet.
Something tells me she's trash. I'd be ticked to find out my wife's sex buddy is in a circle of friends.
The guy had a 4 years relationship with a cheater and the pattern is finishing the quilt.
Now he says his wife's sex buddy is a really nice guy. Pff!
21 years or 2 years...I'd be digging cause when you find one bone there is more to follow.
I'm assuming that she invited him (If you did, you need to have your head examined). That she invited a former lover to the wedding is the ultimate red flag. She was not over him, and there is a high probability that she was unfaithful to you after you wed.
I'd be pretty devastated if I found this out from my husband. BUT we've all made mistakes and I don't have a clean slate myself. The fact she told you means she wanted it off her chest. She was honest. Now don't beat yourself up.
She feels better...he feels like crap. Great!
Here is my thoughts, she had sex with him recently so she started with past mistakes first. She's testing how he will react before telling him she recently got the badonkedonk with this guy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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What is there to be tolerant or not tolerant of? No one can change what happened, and to expect adults to not have pasts is ridiculous. If someone is "not tolerant" can they make what happened un-happen? No, of course not.
Since this happened 20+ years ago I say just forget it. You say you have a great relationship so why let something that happened that long ago derail your marriage. Just remember she is with YOU, not that other guy. That's what is really important.
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