Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I tried no contact with him but he showed up and I couldn't resist, I missed him. A lot. Anyhow, we are back together now and everything is great again but nothing has changed. I still have to move for grad school next April. We said we would just take it day by day and figure it out when the time is closer. Everyday I am falling for him more and everyday I feel like the best decision would be to go to grad school here in order to be with him, however, it's not my dream school - not even close. It's actually a safety school aka my third choice school which should be irrelevant since I got accepted into my first choice. He travels all over the country with his job, however, I can't do a relationship where I can only see my bf once or twice a month. He really wants to make it work and we're trying to drag this out for as long as we can. I don't know what to do. It's killing me to think I have to go through the break-up thing again. My career means everything to me, but no guy has ever made me feel this way before.
Go the grad school where fill your dreams. If you go because of him you will be the looser at then end when he leave you for another girl. Choose for your self. Look in the sens what is more important for you. After that decide the rest. If I were you I will choose I want , if he is the one meant to be with me he will stay other wise he will leave.
If you rearrange a major life decision for somebody you were in a relationship with for a couple of months, you run a really high probability of regretting it. Think about the wisdom of choosing to go to a school you don't want to go to so you won't be far from your boyfriend, when your boyfriend travels frequently for work and won't be around much of the time, anyway. What is the point?
I'm not surprised, so I'm just going to copy and paste what I wrote last time:
Breaking up is for the best. You are at different stages in life. He is right, you AREN'T committed to the relationship, and you really shouldn't be.
You are just starting and you are about to move to a new stage, literally and figuratively. The LAST thing you need is a long-distance "relationship," and I think you know that.
It hurts very badly right now, but resist the urge to call him. Just don't. Time and grad school will help you get over it.
If you keep seeing him, you're just prolonging the agony. Taking it day by day to figure it out when "it" gets close?? What do you think is going to happen to change anything?
Nothing. Except that now you have to go through a months-long breakup instead of being on the road to recovery by now.
I'll tell you the same thing I told a man with a similar dilemma, "career or mate?" Are you nuts? Don't you realize some people look their whole lives for someone they really want to be with the rest of their lives? Lots of folks settle cause they can't find what they really want and end up miserable. If you've found the guy you think you really want to spend the rest of your life with and marrying him for the rest of your life is what you want, then you're out of your mind to put career first. Jobs/Career, for most people don't bring happiness. Its just a means to make money. Few people would rather be at work than at home with the one they love. IMHO, you need to get your priorities straight. Nobody gets their dream life perfect just the way they want. There are choices and priorities. "You can't have it all"
If its true love then it'll be there when you are done with grad school.
Don't regret not going to a school because of him.
You are young and if a career is priority then get your heart in line with that.
I disagree with the first sentence. It could be love and it may not survive the separation, that's just life.
This is the first of what will likely be many substantial choices in life. Now it's dream school or relationship? Later it will be children or career (or something like that)? Then it's security and benefits or opportunity to climb the ladder faster? And so on. Welcome to being an adult.
OP, start taking an inventory. My personal preference is to imagine which one I would regret not following more when I'm at the end of my life and then go from there.
One other question.....Is there an opportunity for him to relocate (change jobs)? If this is becoming that serious maybe that's a solution that solves all the issues.
My experience has been that typically in a relationship one party becomes the more dominant person (dominant with a small d, meaning not always substantially) and the relationship tends to follow that persons career/life path. It sounds like in this case you may both want to be the dominant party and if that's the case it may not work in any case.
I tried no contact with him but he showed up and I couldn't resist, I missed him. A lot. Anyhow, we are back together now and everything is great again but nothing has changed. I still have to move for grad school next April. We said we would just take it day by day and figure it out when the time is closer. Everyday I am falling for him more and everyday I feel like the best decision would be to go to grad school here in order to be with him, however, it's not my dream school - not even close. It's actually a safety school aka my third choice school which should be irrelevant since I got accepted into my first choice. He travels all over the country with his job, however, I can't do a relationship where I can only see my bf once or twice a month. He really wants to make it work and we're trying to drag this out for as long as we can. I don't know what to do. It's killing me to think I have to go through the break-up thing again. My career means everything to me, but no guy has ever made me feel this way before.
Some insight would help. Thanks!
Your "boyfriend" is 33, you are 22. Think about that. You dated for two months, then he broke it off with you. Think about that. Sounds like he knew you were going away for grad school, had his two months of fun, now he is back knowing full well that you are gone in April 2015. My bet is on that he sees you as a few more months of no-strings-attached fun.
For what it is worth dump the guy and be done with it. Graduate school is going to be stressful enough, you do not want to go into it with this freshly on your mind. The sooner you end it the better off you will feel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
If its true love then it'll be there when you are done with grad school.
Nice for a Lifetime movie of the week; not true in real life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
