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I can only discuss from a males perspective, but this is my viewpoint, since so many women and men complain about it.
Online dating isn't broken, but some of the people on it are. People don't realize that what they have to say about themselves is ultimately taken with a grain of salt. I also believe no guy or woman wants to read a profile full of what they don't want. A couple of things is fine, but if you're at 4 or 5 "don't wants" you have far too many.
Something else I noticed is many women didn't have a game plan. After awhile I mentally became numb to what plans women did and didn't have. For instance, messaged a single mother (age 36) of 2 who had two kids aged 16 and 19. When I asked her what her hobbies were she had no idea. For basically 19 years her hobbies were her kids. I don't care if you're a parent or not, not having any hobbies is a huge red flag. Your hobbies are not your kids. They are your kids, not an activity.
I took it a step further and asked about the lady's relationships, because I wanted to hear her side of the story. I really hoped it went against the grain of what I already thought of her relationship skills. In the end, she was another woman who had two kids by two different men. One is not in the picture and the other is in the picture when HE wants to be. She was also married once, to neither of the Dad's, which that marriage only lasted 18 months.
In the end, I asked what she wanted from a man and she said loyalty. I didn't tell her this, but all I could think about is how can you expect loyalty from a man when your decision making is rather suspect? I do think this woman had (keyword had) the opportunity to explore great qualities in herself; however, she ultimately lost herself in being a single parent.
Now, she's trying to catch up for lost time, but quite frankly not many men are really going to be interested in what she has to offer. What she attracts is thugs and the like, because sadly what she has to offer is not what a better class man wants. You can say the exact same thing for a man in a similar situation as well.
I can say the same thing for us men too, because we can definitely not put our best foot forward either. Ultimately, neither gender wants to take accountability for the decisions we made in our past. Just because you feel that you have this value and unbelievable qualities, still doesn't guarantee that a man/woman is going to buy into it. More times than not our past dictates a lot of our future.
In the end, online dating focuses so much on the negatives and very little on the positives. You see it in the profiles. Most profiles are written to repel people, instead of their intended purpose of attracting people.
I've gotten so many funny stories to tell from online dating this summer.
Just for the record, were you on a paid or free site?
I did paid very short term. Not enough members, and probably 50% of the ones on the paid site were on the free sites too. Dropped the subscription, since most of the profiles I could see and chat with for free anyways. POF was where my little story came from. OKC had it's own stories too, but they weren't nearly as bad. After a while I got really interested in how these people put themselves in these situations. After chatting and sliding in questions, I could have a 10+ year timeline of consistent bad decisions that "crippled" them for another 10+ years.
A similar thing I heard from most of the women was that they wanted loyalty, but they would be "loyal" to guys who weren't loyal to them. Guys were either cheating on them, controlling them, or just poppping in and out of their lives whenever they wanted.
Once I took a step back and truly just tried to have fun with it, with no expectations, my dating went up. I also realized most of the women I commented with wanted the same no pressure arrangement as well. Funny how most of the profiles stated they wanted a relationship, but would quickly "settle" for something less. In the end, it seemed the ones that wanted the relationship the most were the ones consistently attracting the exact opposite of what they wanted. The ones who could have fun with dating, tended to find themselves in less quick failing relationships.
I don't think you've ended the debate, merely started another one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
Online dating isn't broken, but some of the people on it are. People don't realize that what they have to say about themselves is ultimately taken with a grain of salt. I also believe no guy or woman wants to read a profile full of what they don't want. A couple of things is fine, but if you're at 4 or 5 "don't wants" you have far too many.
I absolutely took a pass on anyone who listed what they DON'T like in his profile. Any negativity in a profile is a turn-off. Everyone should focus on the positive, no matter how world-weary they are.
Lets see. There was the single Mom who told me on a first date that she had 3 kids by 3 different dads. I knew she had 3 kids, but assumed they were from a marriage. Went into the whole scenario of how she ended up in the situations. Obviously, each guy was terrible to her and she kept staying in those situations for whatever reason that fit for the time.
Another date I went on was with a woman that was 26 and still slept in her princess bed at her parents house. Working part time at a pizza place with not much ambition to do more. Most of this came out on the first date, so I just kept prying to get out more information.
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