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So this certainly is NOT where I expected to be at 47. I was with my husband for 25 years. The last 5 of which were sexless...which significantly contributed to our divorce. We are still in the same house, but I will be moving out by the end of the year.
So I am single...and haven't dated since 1989! Remember those days? Answering machines, no cell phones, no internet.
I dipped my toes into the online dating world, but when it comes to the essay questions, "What are you looking for? etc" I'm afraid my answers will scare off any potential suitors. Because quite simply, what I am looking for is to be in love, with one special man. What a wonderful feeling that was. You know what I mean, the warmth that courses through your body when you think of him, the Cheshire cat grin that crosses your face when you remember his touch, his kiss, the extra time you put into making yourself extra beautiful because it pleases him.
Many of my female friends are divorced and back in the dating pool and they way they describe it is scarey to say the least. Some of the comments I have heard...
"Guys today expect sex on the second date" - REALLY?!?
"If you meet someone online, meet up immediately! You shouldn't text for more than a day!" WOW - so much for getting to know someone....SLOWLY.
"Don't commit to a meal for a first date - you want to be able to bail if there is no chemistry" So how do you know if there is any "chemistry" in 15 minutes over coffee?
I guess I am an old soul. The new world order, the new dating rules are kind of freaking me out. I'm a romantic. I love romance. I like picnics, dating rituals, getting to know someone. I will confess that with my husband, for me it was love at first sight and accordingly, I kept my legs crossed for a year. Remember the expression, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Well, I still believe in that, but from what my friends tell me, from what I read online, I have ZERO chance at a real relationship if I don't "put out"
Seriously - IS THAT WHAT OUR WORLD HAS BECOME? This post is targeted to men and women over 40. I am looking for guidance and suggestions as I enter this new chapter in my life.
I am a woman over 40. Based on your post I wouldn't recommend online dating for you. I met my partner via an online site, but I had many mis-matches before that and it is both time-consuming and frustrating.
I think you should stick to your values, although I find the expression "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" extremely absurd, sexist, and offensive.
Have you thought of trying to meet someone through your church? I'm guessing from your post that you are a church-goer.
Well, presumably you're seeking someone withing your age group so they will tend to follow the old-school dating etiquette
they grew up with. Not all of them, obviously, but I certainly wouldn't worry about any "new dating rules" that violate your principles. Try meeting people at meetups.com first before going to online dating sites.
I think you should stick to your values, although I find the expression "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" extremely absurd, sexist, and offensive.
i am curious as to why you find that expression offensive? I am sure you heard that when you were a young woman...I remember my mother saying that to me ALL THE TIME when I was younger.
Now that I am older, I completely understand the expression. First off, I enjoy sex and that my marriage was sexless was a contributing factor as to the demise of my marriage. Secondly, Yes, I want a sexual relationship, but not a relationship where sex is the defining element.
The milk/cow expression still applies today, but some women don't want to hear it. Men always have and always will judge women on how early they put out. I, and others I know have been disappointed that way.
I would say stay away from online dating, meet-up, and anything with the sole purpose of meeting people.
Live your life, be approachable, and you will meet people.
I never agreed with this meet for coffee thing. Even if you find he is not the one for you at least get a meal out of it.
I find the expression offensive because it implies that I am primarily interested in milk, and implies it is a commercial transaction. I like milk as much as the next guy, but I'm interested in the cow - education, intelligence, values, common interests, etc ... insert all the things that tend to be important. the same expression you use regarding milk could be applied to every other aspect of a relationship that isn't milk. I find the expression says something about the person who says it more than it says something about men.
So this certainly is NOT where I expected to be at 47. I was with my husband for 25 years. The last 5 of which were sexless...which significantly contributed to our divorce. We are still in the same house, but I will be moving out by the end of the year.
So I am single...and haven't dated since 1989! Remember those days? Answering machines, no cell phones, no internet.
I dipped my toes into the online dating world, but when it comes to the essay questions, "What are you looking for? etc" I'm afraid my answers will scare off any potential suitors. Because quite simply, what I am looking for is to be in love, with one special man. What a wonderful feeling that was. You know what I mean, the warmth that courses through your body when you think of him, the Cheshire cat grin that crosses your face when you remember his touch, his kiss, the extra time you put into making yourself extra beautiful because it pleases him.
Many of my female friends are divorced and back in the dating pool and they way they describe it is scarey to say the least. Some of the comments I have heard...
"Guys today expect sex on the second date" - REALLY?!?
"If you meet someone online, meet up immediately! You shouldn't text for more than a day!" WOW - so much for getting to know someone....SLOWLY.
"Don't commit to a meal for a first date - you want to be able to bail if there is no chemistry" So how do you know if there is any "chemistry" in 15 minutes over coffee?
I guess I am an old soul. The new world order, the new dating rules are kind of freaking me out. I'm a romantic. I love romance. I like picnics, dating rituals, getting to know someone. I will confess that with my husband, for me it was love at first sight and accordingly, I kept my legs crossed for a year. Remember the expression, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Well, I still believe in that, but from what my friends tell me, from what I read online, I have ZERO chance at a real relationship if I don't "put out"
Seriously - IS THAT WHAT OUR WORLD HAS BECOME? This post is targeted to men and women over 40. I am looking for guidance and suggestions as I enter this new chapter in my life.
Thank you for your replies.
Personally I would wait a lot longer before wading in the dating pool again. You are newly divorced and you may actually not be ready to start dating again.
I wait for over a year after the divorce to even think about dating, then when I did I was not looking for a relationship or a sex only thing, I just wanted someone to go here and there with from time to time.
15 minutes for coffee is more than enough time to decide if you want to spend more time with that person and the good news is if you meet them at a coffee shop you can always walk to a near by restaurant and extend your coffee to include dinner.
I wish you the best of luck but please do not allow your friends to tell you things that are not necessarily true. Just like anything else in life you have to do what you need to do for you. Then and only then will it be "right" for you.
"Guys today expect sex on the second date" - REALLY?!?
How is this any different from dating the last time you were single?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forum_Newbie;
"If you meet someone online, meet up immediately! You shouldn't text for more than a day!" WOW - so much for getting to know someone....SLOWLY.
You can still get to know someone slowly, just as you would with In Real Life dating. Online is just for making the first contact. And you can text for as long as you want, but some people prefer to have a live meet-up fairly soon, because you never know what the person is really like when texting. They could be putting up a facade. You want to find out if the photo is 10 years old or if it's of their more attractive brother, or something. And you want to find out if they've just been telling you what you want to hear, and have been playing a role behind the texting. They could be a very dull person or a creep in person. You want to find that out before investing too much time in the texting back-and-forth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forum_Newbie;
"Don't commit to a meal for a first date - you want to be able to bail if there is no chemistry" So how do you know if there is any "chemistry" in 15 minutes over coffee?
You should at least be able to tell if you're interested enough for Date 2. Wouldn't you do that anyway? If you met someone offline, at the grocery store or at a concert, instead of online? The same principle holds true. On the other hand, if you meet someone through some community activity or through friends in a situation where you already have a chance to talk and get to know them, you can forego the coffee date.
Online dating really isn't that different from meeting people randomly in public. But if you're not going to do OLD, how do you propose to meet new people? What's your plan, your strategy?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 09-07-2014 at 10:32 AM..
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