Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wouldn't necessarily say that people with, say, social anxiety, are unable to form substantive relationships with individuals, though they may take longer to form them. Unless dealt with, however, their issues will impact what they are able to do within a relationship.
I dated one depressed (treated) and one depressed (untreated).
Treatment made a difference but both still exhausting. Exhausting.
I have friends who have depression. Still no thanks. Everyone is well-to-do enough to get help, but are all still a bit of a drag.
Two friends of mine married (again, treated) bipolars. BIG mistake.
I have one aunt who is bipolar. Extremely high-functioning, brilliant, ultra-educated, many govt security clearances...and a complete fruitcake.
I work in an environment in which I encounter the full spectrum of psychiatric and personality disorders (diagnosed and undiagnosed), not to mention every addiction possible.
I have a lot of respect for people dealing with a psychiatric condition, it's a huge challenge and burden.
But...
There is no way I want a fixer upper partner. I can't be bothered dealing with the medications, the endless rounds of therapy, the angst, the introspection, the lack of spontaneity because of the moods, the almost constant self centredness and everything-in-this-world-is-about-me-and-my-goddamn-mental-health. Thanks but no thanks.
The cruelty in this thread - by some that I used to respect - should not surprise me, but it does.
As a sufferer of depression (treated - not that it matters to some), I find it amusing that some would think of me as a "fixer upper".
I will unsubscribe to this thread. My only hope is that some never experience the pain of mental illness. I hope people also realize that depression is not just something that people are "born with". It can happen to anyone at any time.
The cruelty in this thread - by some that I used to respect - should not surprise me, but it does.
As a sufferer of depression (treated - not that it matters to some), I find it amusing that some would think of me as a "fixer upper".
I will unsubscribe to this thread. My only hope is that some never experience the pain of mental illness. I hope people also realize that depression is not just something that people are "born with". It can happen to anyone at any time.
I'm sorry you feel like that mocha. I used the term in reference to how I used to view my former partners with a mental illness. I thought I could help them...fix them. I had a very severe bout of depression a few years ago so I understand it's not something we're born with and that it can happen to anyone. I was certainly not disparaging you personally.
Dealing with some one that has bi-polar. Add that to her on occasion PMS. I didnt have a chance. Round all these women up at this time and send them over to the Middle East to fight. Problem solved.
The cruelty in this thread - by some that I used to respect - should not surprise me, but it does.
As a sufferer of depression (treated - not that it matters to some), I find it amusing that some would think of me as a "fixer upper".
I will unsubscribe to this thread. My only hope is that some never experience the pain of mental illness. I hope people also realize that depression is not just something that people are "born with". It can happen to anyone at any time.
In reviewing my post (and as a person who suffered depression, myself), I disagree that my post was cruel. It was honest, but not cruel.
I also noted that the onset of mental health issues can begin at any time, and that there is a difference in starting a relationship with somebody who has a long road to go to e mentally healthy enough to form a solid relationship, and addressing mental health issues that arise with someone with whom you have already established a firm, healthy, long-term foundation. And many people, besides myself, made a distinct delineation between people who acknowledge their condition and are actively seeking to treat it, versus those who cannot or will not seek treatment, or, most difficult, cannot or will not acknowledge that there is even a problem that requires treatment.
I think that what most people are acknowledging is that a partner's mental health status is NOT something that should be viewed as a "fixer upper," because (and this is a mistake many people do make), a partner cannot fix an ailing partner. They can support a partner while he or she takes the steps him or herself, but that's really all. And in so many case, the partner can't or won't take the steps they need to take to strive toward the healthiest lifestyle possible. Those of us who have experienced that with partners have very good reasons why we would be leery of intentionally putting ourselves in such a situation going in, again.
As a person who has suffered depression, would you agree that when you are suffering a particularly bad episode, you are not in the best position to start a new relationship? Looking back to my experience with significant depression, I can safely say that I was assuredly NOT in a place where I was happy or healthy enough to form a new, solid relationship with anybody new, and it was very difficult, if not impossible, for my already existing (nonromantic) relationships to flourish, let alone in a position to be able to focus my energies on building something new.
I also noted that the onset of mental health issues can begin at any time, and that there is a difference in starting a relationship with somebody who has a long road to go to e mentally healthy enough to form a solid relationship, and addressing mental health issues that arise with someone with whom you have already established a firm, healthy, long-term foundation. And many people, besides myself, made a distinct delineation between people who acknowledge their condition and are actively seeking to treat it, versus those who cannot or will not seek treatment, or, most difficult, cannot or will not acknowledge that there is even a problem that requires treatment.
This is a completely fair statement and I agree that it's not cruel. I'm one who said that I wouldn't want to date someone with a mental illness, and it's not that I feel that they're not good people or that they're broken. From what I've experienced with friends and relatives who struggle with depression and other mental issues, I know that they're not always in a place where they can give their all to a relationship with another person. When they're at a low point, it's all they can do to keep their head above water, metaphorically speaking. It wouldn't be fair on a new partner to have to deal with that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No
