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I am a 16-year-old male. I like the idea of saving my virginity until marriage, but there are a couple of things I am worried about if I do. Mainly the first two "cons".
Pros:
1. Any breakups before marriage will be easier to deal with (because you haven't been THAT intimate so it will be a bit easier to get over them).
2. My first time will be special.
3. The odds of having only one sexual partner in my life are increased dramatically.
4. I won't have to think about all the girls I ****ed before in my marriage and won't have the urge to compare.
5. 0% chance of STD's or unwanted pregnancies
6. Temporary: easier to gain parents' trust if I date in high school (because if they become suspicious, I can tell them that I am saving myself until marriage and that's the end of the discussion... maybe)
7. Premarital sex is linked to higher divorce rate.
8. Relationships will be better formed on the basis of other aspects with no focus on sex. and therefore increase the likelihood of it working out in the long run (maybe that's why number 7 is true).
Cons:
(Critical) 1. What if I get married to someone with too little of a sex drive? Sex is important to me, and I do still want it to be good and of a reasonable frequency in marriage.
(Critical) 2. Significantly smaller dating pool (I wouldn't require her to be a virgin, but still - a lot of girls don't want to wait), especially because I am short and Indian, so already my dating pool is limited.
3. Possible sexual dissatisfaction in the far future.
4. Will miss out on prime years to have sex.
Now, at minimum, either way, I am going to wait at least until I am in a relationship. I just debating whether it should be just that or marriage. I want to wait until marriage, but I am worried about the first and second con.
I could also end up getting to my thirties and regret living my teens and early twenties sexlessly...
That's a very special and intimate part of your life, so I don't think any of us should have a say in it. You have to do what's right for you.
Your best bet, when the time has come to find the one you want to marry, will be to conduct your search in a very conservative pool. That way, the pressure isn't on you to have sex prior to marriage since they will likely hold the same beliefs. Most people who participate in such groups (Mormons come to mind) tend to get hitched pretty quickly after meeting the right candidate.
You need to do what feels right to you. You will know when the time is right, and when you are with the right person. Don't feel pressured into having sex, just because everyone else is.
Is it right to wait for marriage? That choice is up to you. I can say that I wouldn't want to wait until marriage because sex is such an important part of any long term relationship, you need to see if you are compatible before you get to the "I do's". However, you are not me, and you should make your own choice, and be comfortable with who you are.
That said... regarding con #1. How do you know how important sex is to you, if you are a virgin?
Meaning, I want to have a reasonable sex life after getting married. Some people save themselves until marriage because they don't have much intention of having sex during the marriage. That's the main trap I am worried about falling into. If I happen to date a woman with the same beliefs, while that might be the best choice, the problem is that she might be one of those types that only wants to have sex to procreate. Then I am trapped in a sexless marriage.
I know - this isn't applicable to me for many years, but still something to think about when defining my values and decisions regarding sex.
I am a 16-year-old male. I like the idea of saving my virginity until marriage, but there are a couple of things I am worried about if I do. Mainly the first two "cons".
Pros:
1. Any breakups before marriage will be easier to deal with (because you haven't been THAT intimate so it will be a bit easier to get over them).
2. My first time will be special. 3. The odds of having only one sexual partner in my life are increased dramatically.
4. I won't have to think about all the girls I ****ed before in my marriage and won't have the urge to compare.
5. 0% chance of STD's or unwanted pregnancies
6. Temporary: easier to gain parents' trust if I date in high school (because if they become suspicious, I can tell them that I am saving myself until marriage and that's the end of the discussion... maybe)
7. Premarital sex is linked to higher divorce rate.
8. Relationships will be better formed on the basis of other aspects with no focus on sex. and therefore increase the likelihood of it working out in the long run (maybe that's why number 7 is true).
Cons:
(Critical) 1. What if I get married to someone with too little of a sex drive? Sex is important to me, and I do still want it to be good and of a reasonable frequency in marriage.
(Critical) 2. Significantly smaller dating pool (I wouldn't require her to be a virgin, but still - a lot of girls don't want to wait), especially because I am short and Indian, so already my dating pool is limited.
3. Possible sexual dissatisfaction in the far future.
4. Will miss out on prime years to have sex.
Now, at minimum, either way, I am going to wait at least until I am in a relationship. I just debating whether it should be just that or marriage. I want to wait until marriage, but I am worried about the first and second con.
I could also end up getting to my thirties and regret living my teens and early twenties sexlessly...
What do you think?
You're too young to judge #3. #1 and #5 are good reasons.
You don't know if you'll miss out on your "prime years". You can't predict the future. You could be married by the time you graduate from college. You never know.
#1 Con: Everyone takes the risk of marrying someone with too little drive. Even people who live together before marriage see their partner's drive suddenly disappear after marriage, for unknown reasons. Or after kids arrive. So you can cross that off your list. You can replace it with this:
What if you don't find someone you care enough about to marry until you're 35 or 40? Can you wait that long? I wouldn't recommend it, but you're the one who'd have to find a way to live with 20+ years of celibacy. That wouldn't be doable for most dudes, but a few find a way to sublimate the energy and redirect it. How realistic do you think this is? I hear Gandhi struggled with it. The Dalai Lama seems to have managed. How about you?
Mechanically and emotionally, all things work together with two equally interested persons. It takes time to get it right, but when it's right, it's fantastic. When two people are on the same wavelength, they work to increase compatibility, and that often translates to frequent hot sex. I don't see a problem with this. I agree with the regrets & comparisons. You don't need them and without them, you can cherish someone richly. Find the right person but using all your dynamic skills of ascertaining their character. This is one time when you don't need to 'test drive the car.' Everything for everyone is the same, you just need to find what that person likes and focus on that. Good for you.
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