do I let him go or hold on , please help me ! (dating, wife)

[sandiegogirl56]

Ok this could be kind of long I met eric at the beach he was 25 and I was 17 turning 18 a week later . We were inseparable for weeks he and I were both extremely attracted to each other from the beginning and it was a different kind of connection . He was always honest with me and admitted he wasn't ready for a relationship after being in a 5 year relationship and being cheated on he wanted to have fun which I understood but I knew it was my age and partially having fun to which I understood I told him i'd always be there . So knowing that didn't get intimate with him knowing I could be more attached if we went to that level .he told me repeatedly I scared him. What I feel for him I have never felt for anyone ! everyone can see it that is around us . Hes amazing to me inside and out . Hes who I could see myself with . Its two years later and two years of hanging out for a month then he goes of to working in different cities for a week and disappearing for months I always get so sad because I miss him , when we do see eachother its like we never missed a beat its exactly the same. its never been the same with anyone ive ever dated and I cant find myself dating anyone and being completely happy 100% like being with him . This past couple months has been different . I met him mom , hung out with his sister alot more and i've bonded with him . This past time has been different in everyway . I dont want to scare him away . I want to be with him but we dont see other as much as I want . Hes busy with work and being the head of his family . So my Question is since this times been different should I stick in there and give him more time and just be friends or take it to the next level and see what happens , or just wait for him to initiate the talk ? Do I hold on I love him and want him . Tell me how to have that talk without scarring him away ? Im way to blunt . Please help , sorry for the punctuation !

[mainebrokerman]

head of his family?? he has a family?


ok, listen very closely, you sound very sweet and kind-hearted

you are now an adult, and doing adult "things" but you are also maturing, and part of maturity is seeing things differently. and seeing things THE WAY THEY ARE, NOT THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE

if he felt the same way and his heart ached being apart, then he would do everything he could to be with you -
but you have made it also too easy for him,,,, you are smitten for him and waiting for him

this is what I would suggest
write him a heart-felt letter, tell him how you adorehim and all, but you aren't 17 anymore with a "crush"

being separated from him hurts more than ever,, which is telling you, you cant do this anymore- so if he wants to be in your life, you NEED a closer relationship

we are strange creatures, sometimes we don't react until we feel we are going to lose what we have

don't be an emotional mess, be determined, you cant live life on "what-ifs"

its time to grow up

oh, and him being the life-long "the one" because it feels so right - if he felt the same he would want you with him all the time

believe actions, not words, its part of maturity

[sandiegogirl56]

No he dosent have a family his mom and sister lean on him alot . Thank you so much mainebrokerman*that was really helpful and exactly what I needed to hear . Thank you it really means alot . Ill take your advice

[PAhippo]

Originally Posted by sandiegogirl56

No he dosent have a family his mom and sister lean on him alot . Thank you so much mainebrokerman*that was really helpful and exactly what I needed to hear . Thank you it really means alot . Ill take your advice

good, because it's good advice.


Be prepared for the consequences. Accept what he says.

from your 1st post: He was always honest with me and admitted he wasn't ready for a relationship ..... but I knew it was my age ...


If he's being honest, why are you assuming it's not what he says?


Sounds like you might be twisting things to be what you want them to be. As mainebrokerman said, time to grow up.

[sandiegogirl56]

I'm not twisting anything . I know exactly how we are and what the relationship is , I know him well . I just needed advice on how to further our relationship so i'm also happy , I tend to neglect myself .For the past two years i've been thinking of how he's feeling putting aside my own feelings to be what he needed. Mainebrokerman covered it for me . Sometimes we all need that push , young or old it's life .

[cremebrulee]

you are 18, but not mentally mature....how I know this is, I remember being as you are now, and what I believed in was a fantasy....you are seeing another human being, not as he is, but as someone you want him to be. You think you've got this connection, he is your soul mate, you have never felt like this before....they are the same words everyone says at one time or another in their youth...and believe me, you can be 55 years old and still believe in some fantasy love.

People are people and right now, you are in love with love....and this person, will never be able to live up to the way your seeing him right now, which will set you both up to fail...and when it's all over, you will be broken hearted and not understand why....

Love is merely an emotion we act out...nothing more, nothing less....but in every single case, of everyone who has said, they were in love, it does change, and it can grow, with two mature adults, or it can die....
Love takes a whole lot of work, and you won't know about that until you actually live with someone, it's very difficult...b/c you have two different people who own two different cultures.

You have an idea in your head about what a relationship should be like, how, you might ask. By watching your mother and father act out their devotion to each other or not...but from a very young age, we adopt this fantasy in our minds about what love should be. But we never think or are taught how a relationship should be. He believes one way, you believe another and you have not even begun to even consider that. And that is what rips a relationship apart.

He cannot live up to your expectations of what you think a relationship or marriage should be, nor you his.
That is what is scaring him b/c it sounds like he is somewhat aware...

I always say, never ever will I be with someone again, b/c I don't want to wake up at the end of someone else's idea of what a marriage should be.

In other words, my ex thought a marriage was all about the wife doing EVERYTHING and the husband doing nothing...but hunting, fishing, going to work everyday. Helping out around the house, was against his religion...so, I worked a full time job, did all the cleaning, raised my son, did all the grocery shopping, all on the weekends, and entertained his friends...never did we go anywhere together. And that is just an example of what the "thought" a marriage should be. Is that what you want?

you don't even know what he believes in, what his expectations are of a woman partner...if you live together you are partners and should share everything.

Right now your simply in love with love, like we all were, but love can be a rude awakening....so, take your time, travel, live this gift called life first, meeting people, getting an education. Take care of yourself, live by yourself, get an education and a good paying job....be independent, don't look for someone to love to take care of you. When you become good with yourself, you'll look at the world and love in a whole different perspective, a good healthy one.

Hugs
Creme

[Zeurich]

Originally Posted by sandiegogirl56

Ok this could be kind of long I met eric at the beach he was 25 and I was 17 turning 18 a week later . We were inseparable for weeks he and I were both extremely attracted to each other from the beginning and it was a different kind of connection .

He was always honest with me and admitted he wasn't ready for a relationship after being in a 5 year relationship and being cheated on he wanted to have fun which I understood but I knew it was my age and partially having fun to which I understood I told him i'd always be there . So knowing that didn't get intimate with him knowing I could be more attached if we went to that level .he told me repeatedly I scared him.

What I feel for him I have never felt for anyone ! everyone can see it that is around us . Hes amazing to me inside and out . Hes who I could see myself with . Its two years later and two years of hanging out for a month then he goes of to working in different cities for a week and disappearing for months I always get so sad because I miss him , when we do see each other its like we never missed a beat its exactly the same. its never been the same with anyone ive ever dated and I cant find myself dating anyone and being completely happy 100% like being with him

. This past couple months has been different . I met him mom , hung out with his sister alot more and i've bonded with him . This past time has been different in every way . I don't want to scare him away . I want to be with him but we don't see other as much as I want . Hes busy with work and being the head of his family . So my Question is since this times been different should I stick in there and give him more time and just be friends or take it to the next level and see what happens , or just wait for him to initiate the talk ? Do I hold on I love him and want him . Tell me how to have that talk without scarring him away ? Im way to blunt . Please help , sorry for the punctuation !

Don't waste your time. Tell exactly how you feel. Take things slow and focus on your studies may be either find a hobby and enjoy.

[sandiegogirl56]

THANK YOU SO MUCH ! Your right on in most of what you said . I never had a father and I never saw a real relationship in front of my eyes to go off of . Dysfunction is all i've seen . You right I do idealize him alot and that may be pressure to live up too . I'll be taking your advice too , Thank you so much

[funymann]

Originally Posted by sandiegogirl56

THANK YOU SO MUCH ! Your right on in most of what you said . I never had a father and I never saw a real relationship in front of my eyes to go off of . Dysfunction is all i've seen . You right I do idealize him alot and that may be pressure to live up too . I'll be taking your advice too , Thank you so much

You sound so sweet.

This relationship sounds like you are grabbing and holding on to a male figure in your life.

He is much older and knows the ropes better than you so be careful.

Your life shouldn't be all about him. You said you are neglecting yourself for him. This can only hinder your development into adulthood.

Take it slow and focus on what you are. Qualities that will benefit you in the future.

[sandiegogirl56]

Thank you , Yes he's really smart and I am too, just stupid in some aspects when it comes to love. Because I am so young . Thanks for advice I do need to worry about me not everyone around me .