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So I offered her the money for a deposit to get a mortgage on a
house. she accepted and I gave her it.
She was living with her Mam at the time and for whatever reason
didn't get the house.
She then started using the money for other expenses like car
repairs, bills, holiday expenditure etc. She didnt ask me or discuss it before doing this.
Should she have said something or is it fine for her to use the money as she sees fit?
Thanks for any help!
tl;dr: Gave girlfriend money for house deposit. Spent on other
things without asking. Is that ok?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambeywhat
So I offered her the money for a deposit to get a mortgage on a
house. she accepted and I gave her it.
She was living with her Mam at the time and for whatever reason
didn't get the house.
She then started using the money for other expenses like car
repairs, bills, holiday expenditure etc. She didnt ask me or discuss it before doing this.
Should she have said something or is it fine for her to use the money as she sees fit?
Thanks for any help!
tl;dr: Gave girlfriend money for house deposit. Spent on other
things without asking. Is that ok?
Did you get this in writing? Lesson; whenever you lend money to anyone, get it in writing, preferably with a notary signature too.
From my POV, as someone who works as a personal banker, she should have said something because what she did is considered conversion, the act of using an item specified for a specific purpose for another purpose.
So I offered her the money for a deposit to get a mortgage on a
house. she accepted and I gave her it.
She was living with her Mam at the time and for whatever reason
didn't get the house.
She then started using the money for other expenses like car
repairs, bills, holiday expenditure etc. She didnt ask me or discuss it before doing this.
Should she have said something or is it fine for her to use the money as she sees fit?
Thanks for any help!
tl;dr: Gave girlfriend money for house deposit. Spent on other
things without asking. Is that ok?
Is it illegal? No.
Is it an OK way to treat your boyfriend? No.
What was your agreement? Was it a gift? Was it a loan?
And the holidays in December? Why didn't you ask for your money back as soon as you saw she wasn't getting the house?
So I offered her the money for a deposit to get a mortgage on a
house. she accepted and I gave her it.
She was living with her Mam at the time and for whatever reason
didn't get the house.
She then started using the money for other expenses like car
repairs, bills, holiday expenditure etc. She didnt ask me or discuss it before doing this.
Should she have said something or is it fine for her to use the money as she sees fit?
Thanks for any help!
tl;dr: Gave girlfriend money for house deposit. Spent on other
things without asking. Is that ok?
No, it's not ok. The only reason you gave her the money (bad move, IMO) was to facilitate her buying a house. It wasn't for a shopping spree, or anything else. When the house purchase didn't work out, she should have returned the money. Not just told you about it, but flat out returned the money. Has she spent all of it? Demand that she return what remains. Then break up with her, and in the future, follow Dissenter's advice. For a big loan like that, you should draw up a contract.
Honestly, I've never heard of someone lending someone enough money for a house downpayment. That's a huge amount. (How did you expect her to pay it back, btw? She'd be making housepayments. Does she have enough income to make payments to you, as well? If so, why couldn't she save for a downpayment herself?) I can only assume you two have been together for a couple of years, at least, and know each other well enough that you could be confident making such a loan. You found out that you don't know her as well as you thought. Either that, or you're overly trusting, or reckless with money, or make enough money that you don't concern yourself with details like this.
What was your agreement? Was it a gift? Was it a loan?
And the holidays in December? Why didn't you ask for your money back as soon as you saw she wasn't getting the house?
And by the way, OP, why didn't she get the house? Why don't you know why she didn't get the house? Isn't that something someone who had tens of thousands of dollars on the line would want to know? Does she have bad credit, so she didn't qualify for a mortgage? That would be a pretty important piece of information to have, for someone in your position.
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So I offered her the money for a deposit to get a mortgage on a
house. she accepted and I gave her it.
She was living with her Mam at the time and for whatever reason
didn't get the house.
She then started using the money for other expenses like car
repairs, bills, holiday expenditure etc. She didnt ask me or discuss it before doing this.
Should she have said something or is it fine for her to use the money as she sees fit?
Thanks for any help!
tl;dr: Gave girlfriend money for house deposit. Spent on other
things without asking. Is that ok?
Read the words you wrote then ask yourself if it "Sounds Okay", then you will have your answer.
If you did not have legal documents written up to state exactly what the money was "loaned" to her for you have no legal standing and don't expect to see any of the money returned.
Personally I believe you have learned a very expensive life lesson and you need to take yourself out of this girls life.
She has proven she is not able to control herself when it comes to money and she has proven she cannot do the right thing which is return to you the exact amount you gave her when the purchase of the home did not get approved.
And by the way, OP, why didn't she get the house? Why don't you know why she didn't get the house? Isn't that something someone who had tens of thousands of dollars on the line would want to know? Does she have bad credit, so she didn't qualify for a mortgage? That would be a pretty important piece of information to have, for someone in your position.
WTH?!
I dont remember the actual reason she didnt get the house. It was 5k sterling.
Thanks for all the replies. For what its worth I gave her the money not loaned. specifically for a deposit.
Meh... you gave her a gift of money (NOT a loan).
What she does with that gift is up to her.
It is crappy of her to fritter it away, but it is hers to spend.
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