Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Maybe because of the cheating he saw his dad do to his mom, and the seeing the pain his mom went thru. He feels the need to take care of his mother. A son stepping up to the plate pursay.
And his mom decided to lean on her son for unhealthy support that her husband couldn't give her.
Just my thoughts.
Sounds like maybe your husband needs some good counseling to detangle everything.
I think there is some deep rooted stuff going on there.
The only problem is, the husband has to want to change in order for change to happen. It doesn't sound like he is at that point right now. His mother has no incentive to change at all right now since he is fine with her behavior.
The consensus here seems to be toward divorce not therapy.
For the the questions about why I stayed, our relationship wasn't like this before marriage.. was he close to family? Sure but we never lived close enough to actually be a problem. Plus mil had a second marriage during our relationship that she hardly cared, maybe it's because like some of you said "I'm only the girlfriend". Once she got divorced last year she took up a hobby and again hardly got in the way. I always knew he would take care of her in a sense, like old age and all but to choose sides, I would never and I guess I thought he wouldn't either. Problem really started when I told her I couldn't go with her to see "her side" of the family, I couldn't afford to take any more days off of work and she couldn't just comprehend that.
The consensus here seems to be toward divorce not therapy.
For the the questions about why I stayed, our relationship wasn't like this before marriage.. was he close to family? Sure but we never lived close enough to actually be a problem. Plus mil had a second marriage during our relationship that she hardly cared, maybe it's because like some of you said "I'm only the girlfriend". Once she got divorced last year she took up a hobby and again hardly got in the way. I always knew he would take care of her in a sense, like old age and all but to choose sides, I would never and I guess I thought he wouldn't either. Problem really started when I told her I couldn't go with her to see "her side" of the family, I couldn't afford to take any more days off of work and she couldn't just comprehend that.
What does it mean, you couldn't afford to take any more days off work? Do you not get paid vacation days? Normally, you have a certain number of paid days off, and you've either used them up, or you haven't. Was she expecting you to take unpaid leave? Or are you self-employed?
What does it mean, you couldn't afford to take any more days off work? Do you not get paid vacation days? Normally, you have a certain number of paid days off, and you've either used them up, or you haven't. Was she expecting you to take unpaid leave? Or are you self-employed?
Does it really matter? Even if she had paid days off, maybe she wanted to use them for something else. Maybe her employer doesn't allow unpaid leave. IMO, our vacation days can be used as we see fit. I wouldn't use vacation to go camping with my in-laws, but if my husband wanted to that it is fine with me. If his parents take offense to that, oh well.
What does it mean, you couldn't afford to take any more days off work? Do you not get paid vacation days? Normally, you have a certain number of paid days off, and you've either used them up, or you haven't. Was she expecting you to take unpaid leave? Or are you self-employed?
I have a set number of vacation days which was used up for a vacation. I had already taken a vacation a month prior and it looks unprofessional taking another week off a month later.
The consensus here seems to be toward divorce not therapy.
For the the questions about why I stayed, our relationship wasn't like this before marriage.. was he close to family? Sure but we never lived close enough to actually be a problem. Plus mil had a second marriage during our relationship that she hardly cared, maybe it's because like some of you said "I'm only the girlfriend". Once she got divorced last year she took up a hobby and again hardly got in the way. I always knew he would take care of her in a sense, like old age and all but to choose sides, I would never and I guess I thought he wouldn't either. Problem really started when I told her I couldn't go with her to see "her side" of the family, I couldn't afford to take any more days off of work and she couldn't just comprehend that.
your mother in law need another boy friend just arrange blind date. Try to make her busy that might help to keep your marriage safe from her.
I have a set number of vacation days which was used up for a vacation. I had already taken a vacation a month prior and it looks unprofessional taking another week off a month later.
Thanks. I was just trying to understand why your MIL had a problem with it. It sounds like she tends to think everything is all about her, and that people should revolve around her.
OP he sounds like the typical mama’s boy who was indulged and pampered by his mother.
In his case, his father left a huge hole with his mother which left her very needy, especially for male attention. Therefore what she did was created a relationship with her son making it for him to become dependent on her. When he grew up, he didn’t know how to detach from her without feeling guilty and probably feared it would literally kill her if he tried. So you’re now looking at a mutual parasitic relationship. So it’s going to make it difficult for him to commit to another woman. You’re his wife so unfortunately, that means you.
With that being said, it is not your job to be his counselor or psycho-therapist. You’re supposed to be his other half and you have needs of your own. You may want to simply suggest that he gets help. Still be supportive and even offer to go with him if he agrees. But be firm that the marriage can't survive like this. A man that has a healthy relationship with his mother knows how to say "no" to her and make decisions on his own, have a close relationship with a woman without the fear of his mother becoming envious or barging in on his relationship.
You have several options though. You can (1)cut your losses and move on, (2) agree to stay with him under the condition he gets help (which is what I recommend), or (3)stay with him and say nothing and continue to play second fiddle to his mother, then eventually deal with him trying to turn YOU into his mother.
I definitely suggest holding off having kids with him, unless you don’t mind having a house full of babies (including him) to take care of. I'm sure no woman wants to be a mother to a grown ass man.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
