Being nice, isn't being a doormat (date, men, family, separate)
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I find it sad when I see countless threads where people ask very basic questions, which I never recall being taught, but somehow figured out over my teens and early twenties. I just skimmed a thread about Nice guys vs. AH's, where I had a feeling that some guys took as reason for their failure to find a partner. I almost feel that some are teetering on the idea, that if they became more of an AH, that they would have better luck dating. I guess this is where the PUA theories come into play.....
Over the years, I have had the pleasure of meeting a lot of different people. I have a real knack for getting to know them much quicker than most. It's my intuitive nature that gives me the ability to get people to open up. So for years, I have heard many stories from men and women, and have gotten a feel for what seems to work, and not work.
The notion that women don't like nice guys, is not true. The problem is the definition and actions some take to show their "nice" side. Women like a courteous guy, but not a pushover. He should be kind, but not always there. Being nice has nothing to do with smothering a woman with your affections. It has the total opposite effect on them. They tend to get uncomfortable with this type of behavior, especially, when the relationship is fresh.
If you become so available for a woman, where you are always there...where you answer calls and texts immediately, as if you are waiting for their call/text, ready to pounce....If you offer to help them all the time, whether it's with money, or work on their car, fix something.....Once in awhile is ok, but by being that way, you are acting like they can't fend for themselves...that will make them give up some independence.
I wonder if guys get that way, because they feel that if they don't, that their partner will leave them. I don't know why it happens, but I have seen guys who gave 110% into their relationships, and I kept telling them to give less, or they are going to scare them off.....100% correct, that everyone had them break up within 6 months.
This is terrible post, you sound like ah. First, women are not one. There is lot of different type of women who prefer different type of men. Some women do love genuine nice men to bits. I wanted exactly this "doormat" type of guy who is always available to me. I don't see him as doormat, I see him perfect.
I don't see you perfect do you know why? Because you cannot speak for women. A guy (or other woman) cannot tell what a woman wants. Only each woman is able to tell personally what she wants.
And there is a difference between pretending to be nice just to have sex and being genuine nice.
What comes to fixing things, those skills are valuable and praised, not many people have those skills anymore.
fake would wait sex , flirting etc by fixing a bike
genuine nice would eat the real meal which is offered for pay or take some amount or money or just say it is good to keep skills updated.
Genuine nice has no expectations of anything romantic, it just belong in their human nature to do things. And this when seeing him genuine help others (and me) makes me love him especially much. I am sucker for kindness and caring, it makes me soft
Especially if a guy does something so nice that makes me cry in its sweetness <3
Simple: treat others how you would like to be treated.
This is where people get it wrong. You're not supposed to treat people how you want to be treated. You're supposed to treat people how THEY want to be treated.
This is where people get it wrong. You're not supposed to treat people how you want to be treated. You're supposed to treat people how THEY want to be treated.
It is a 2 headed sword
damn if you do and damn if you don't.
If those peoples expectations are fair, then treat them like they wish for
But don't let them want to become treated by the way what is not fair toward yourself.
If those peoples expectations are fair, then treat them like they wish for
But don't let them want to become treated by the way what is not fair toward yourself.
I think you're reading a little too much into my statement. I'm just saying that what you want from your partner maybe isn't what your partner wants from you. Maybe you want someone all lovey-dovey, but they like a little space. Ok, give them some space. Maybe your love language is words of affirmation, but theirs is acts of service. Ok, make them a special meal or do a chore they hate. Ideally they will be doing the same for you and everyone's happy. But if you keep doing to people what you want and ignore what they want, both are going to be unhappy.
I've always thought the "nice guy vs bad boy" thing was for people in their 20s who are into casual sex/dating. The thing all men need to understand is, for a lot of women, the whole "bad boy" thing is a phase. Ideally they'll go through until they turn 25, realize being with a man you can't fully trust isn't all that fun, and they'll start to go for men who are more genuine and stable. Most do, but some don't.
I'm thirty-five and single with a kid. I work every day, I pay my bills, take care of my son. I own my own house and car. I don't have a record. I'm in decent shape (ten years ago I had a six-pack, now I have closer to a 40 ounce, but if they would stop making food and beer taste so good I'd weigh less...), I don't have a mountain man beard, and I smell good. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a catch. Do you think I care if a woman prefers nice guys over bad boys? I'm me. I'm the perfect gentleman: the woman comes first, in public and in private. If a chick would rather have someone else, hey, knock yourself out. There are other fish in the sea.
The point is, it's more important to be good than nice. That's true in general, but especially when it comes to dating. You might not have a harem of women at your disposal, but be the best version of you that you can be and you'll find one that's really crazy about you. That's much better, IMHO.
I don't have a mountain man beard, and I smell good. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a catch. Do you think I care if a woman prefers nice guys over bad boys? I'm me. I'm the perfect gentleman: the woman comes first, in public and in private. If a chick would rather have someone else, hey, knock yourself out.
In sted of trying to second guess some one ,connect with those that already blend with you honestly.
Half truths or omissions, do not make a relationship.
I have found women especially singles, dishonest about their profles and interests.
These are deaperate even generous and easy, and manipulative.
Most of them only want to play or find a sugar daddy.
Women I enjoy talking to are married or too young or too old, and have no ulterrior motives.
back to the point.
If a guy is the type that admittidally doesn't know his own mind, than finding a women that is looking for man to fix is a good match.
On the other hand, a man that has a mind of his own, is headed for trouble if the woman is determined to fix him..
If the one doesn't "know themself" , they are not ready or any relationship period .
Askig the question about ,"how do you feel about politics? an answer of "I don't know", or something purely emotional or derogitory, they really don't know the facts about the decisions they make.
Those are real problems, you'll be facing in the future with them.
"Emotions" often do not produce sound reason. (male or female)
Becomming a parent takes dicipline, not the kids friend .
After they mature, then being their friend is appropreate.
So if your choosing some one with out parental diipline, your kids will not respect you.
It only takes one parent to screw thing up.
If your reasoning is purely selfish ,you've no business looking for support.
From my point of view.
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