For those of you who came from abusive families how has it affected your relationships?

[rego00123]

I did not come from such a household but my best friend growing up did.

It made him fearful and overly protective of his mates and behavioir as he tried to prevent the same issues his parents fell in to

[animalcrazy]

I was raised in a loveless home by two abusive alcoholic parents. My father thought is was perfectly normal to stagger drunk into my room in the middle of the night and try to touch me in inappropriate ways. This happened twice before I told my mother and it stopped, however, I think my mother started to be more abusive towards me because of it. That abuse stopped when I got old enough to hit back and I let her have it with a threat that I would kill her if she ever touched me again. It was a brutal, depressing, and soul crushing childhood. I survived by finding ways to make money at the tender age of ten and to plan my escape some day. I was out by 19, married by 20 and divorced by 20 and a half. My 20's were both turbulent, crazy, and extremely fun years. I met the love of my life at 27, married him 9 months later and together we built a fantastic life. Do I have baggage? Of course, but it also drove me to the success we have today. I still have trust issues but I also have this enormous capacity to love. I am in return a very loved person by many many people. My personal life is rich beyond my expectations, and for that I think I would endure that awful childhood all over again. Some people never get passed the trauma, but to me it's just letting the abusers win over and over again. It really is true, life is what you make it.

[Frihed89]

I changed the story of my childhood from one of misery and victimization into a quest for joy. I was well trained by childhood to become a "scout": always watchful, listening and sensitive to the smallest sign of conflict in my family, always thinking about and trying out new ways to bring stability to my family. For many years, as an adult, I wasted those skills and fell deeper into self-pity. At the darkest point in my own life, a person I loved and, most of all, whose wisdom I respected, told me "Change your story and your life will change".

So I invented a new story and started to act it out. It's been working well.

In some ways I consider myself fortunate.

[ohhwanderlust]

My parents were neglectful and my mother was actually psychologically abusive. I think the biggest effect of this is feeling inferior/defective for not having a family (I cut myself off from them permanently). Especially since my husband has such a large, happy Hallmark family, it made me kind of ashamed to see how much I 'failed' in comparison.

Luckily my inlaws have completely embraced me as family, and ironically my MIL had a very similar relationship with her birth family. So now it's more a matter of learning how to be part of a huge family!