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I just got back from a really nice first date with a well educated and attractive woman. I was only expecting it to last an hour, but she ordered a second drink, and it was more like 2 and a half hours. When we left, we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. During the date, when she said she has never been to a lawyer, I put my hand on her thigh and said "well that's a problem because you then don't have a health care proxy, durable power of attorney, and will," to which she laughed. Later I made a political comment in response to her bringing it up, and she sort of smacked at my thigh saying: "now you sound just like my father".
We moved in closer and closer to each other, with lots of what seemed like positive "chemistry" signs. Tons of shared interests in terms of sports. And her family has a summer house in the town in which I live, so even though she is an hour away, she is probably pretty used to the drive.
I have a female co-worker with whom I discuss the women I am dating. She says that if a women is interested, she will always follow-up and thank you for the drinks or meal after a first date. I have been following up after my previous first dates (like "hey that was fun, hope you made it home safe"), and I almost feel like it relegates me to the "clingy" or "desperate" category right way. That is not what I want. Some folks here have read about the past girl I dated here, and the astounding in-congruency between my thoughts and intentions and how other people perceived them is astounding.
So I would like to see her again. But I have other first dates lined up with attractive women. So I am thinking of taking the perspective on dating of: "I paid for drinks and set-up the date. If she doesn't thank me for that, then I shouldn't pursue her any further, because she is not as interested in me as much as I would like a future wife to be".
Forget about the "chemistry" and touching for now.
Did you like her? As a person?
Was she interesting to talk to?
You had common interests with her?
Did she come across as a good person, so far?
Would you like to see her again to see if there are possibilities for future dating/LTR?
If the answer is yes, tell her you had a great time. If the answer is "meh", and you don't care if you burn that particular bridge, do your vanishing act.
During the date, when she said she has never been to a lawyer, I put my hand on her thigh and said "well that's a problem because you then don't have a health care proxy, durable power of attorney, and will," to which she laughed.
I'm guessing in context of the date, conversation and atmosphere this sounded much better than it does here on CD. I'm scratching my head though, wondering why you included this detail in your OP?
Quote:
Originally Posted by returning_to_dating
So I would like to see her again. But I have other first dates lined up with attractive women. So I am thinking of taking the perspective on dating of: "I paid for drinks and set-up the date. If she doesn't thank me for that, then I shouldn't pursue her any further, because she is not as interested in me as much as I would like a future wife to be".
Any thoughts on that approach?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I ALWAYS vote in favor of being a decent person over taking "an approach."
If you had a good time, text her and say so.
If you want to go out again soon, text her and say so.
Don't set her up in a game where only you know the rules.
Yup, what she said.
Why play games? Just call her and tell her you had a good time and want to see her again.
I liked her. And we had fun. But I also spent money on her. Which I earned through hard education my whole life. If a woman doesn't appreciate that, shouldn't I move on to someone that does?
I liked her. And we had fun. But I also spent money on her. Which I earned through hard education my whole life. If a woman doesn't appreciate that, shouldn't I move on to someone that does?
You're blowing it again.
You get compensated during your day job.
If you want compensation for your dates, this is a whole different conversation.
Where is the "oh my God, my head is going to explode" emoticon???????
I honestly don't understand that but am trying to figure out how people that went to private schools think about these things. She seemed cool. But is she doesn't see who I am, then whatever. But, I am not sure how to handle the perspective I have.
Did she thank you at the end of the date? If so, that should be sufficient, I would think. If you are so hung up about spending your hard-earned money on a date, perhaps you would be better off staying single.
I hope you're not the type of dude who thinks a woman "owes" him something in return for his spending money. If so, there is a name for the type of woman you're looking for, and it's not "girlfriend" or "wife."
I liked her. And we had fun. But I also spent money on her. Which I earned through hard education my whole life. If a woman doesn't appreciate that, shouldn't I move on to someone that does?
If you were my first date and I found out that was your true perspective/attitude, you'd never hear from me again.
I liked her. And we had fun. But I also spent money on her. Which I earned through hard education my whole life. If a woman doesn't appreciate that, shouldn't I move on to someone that does?
Yes...yes...definitely move on.
There you go, problem solved.
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